He held me there, never saying anything, just letting me cry. We lay there in that sunbaked field until my tears were dry. Both of us knew that even though we had our problems, we also had an annoyed Anglo and Spaniard to deal with back at the resort.

It was hard to leave that field. It was hard to put my clothes back on and get ready to move on with the day because to move on with the day meant to move on to the next day and the next, until I was gone. Now, I was just like Mateo, holding on to each one, so afraid to let go.

But we had to. We both knew we had to.

He grabbed my hand, and together we walked away from the field, back to the road, and up to the resort. A small part of me thought maybe what had happened back there didn’t have to be it, that we would hold on to the day, to each other, a little longer. But as soon as we saw everyone else, he dropped my hand.

We were back to being separate. Our feelings back to being hidden.

Now we were a secret.

And we were running out of time.

The rest of the day went by as usual even though it felt as if my whole life had changed. I coasted through the afternoon sessions, not listening, not seeing. I kept replaying that image in my head, over and over again, the one of us on the grass together, him on top of me, the impossibly blue sky behind him. If I imagined hard enough, I could still feel the heat between my legs, the feeling of him being inside me. It had felt right to have him in me, to have his body and skin in my hands like we were molded from the same clay.

Just before dinner he found me again, out on the lawn where I was sitting cross-legged in a daze and staring at nothing, trying to process all the emotions that had eluded me all these years.

Without saying anything, he held out his hand and lifted me to my feet. His hand around mine wasn’t enough anymore. I had been given all of him, free for the taking, and nothing less would do. But as much as I wanted to kiss him, hold him, take his clothes off and ride him, I couldn’t. Not now, not here. If the field was one universe for us, this was another.

“I thought perhaps you would like to have dinner with me,” he said with a smile. His eyes were shining bright, happy, and I wondered if he was putting on his best face or if he was coming to terms with the futility of us and just making the best of the time we had left.

I wanted to do the same but it involved pulling my heart out of the gutter.

“I don’t think I can imagine dinner without you,” I told him.

His eyes softened a bit, the corners of his lips falling. He nodded and dropped my hand, and then put his at the small of my back, guiding me toward the hall.

Now it really seemed that the seating allocations were gone. There were all Anglos at some tables and all Spaniards at another. Jerry was pouring himself a huge glass of wine with Wayne, not seeming to care at all.

As usual, Claudia was the seat saver and she waved us over to her and Ricardo.

When we first sat down, I was certain she was going to take one look at my face, one look at us, and deduce that we had sex. I felt it had to be obvious, like I was wearing a shirt that said, “I Fucked Mateo Casalles” and his said, “I Love Vera’s Vag.” But she didn’t. Claudia herself seemed very chipper and hadn’t even touched her wine yet.

“You’re in a good mood,” I noted, “considering we all have to say goodbye soon.”

“You are such a buzzkill,” she said.

Mateo’s brows quirked up as he poured me a glass of wine, always the gentleman. “Buzzkill? Like being happy or like a bee?”

I grinned at him. “Like someone is killing all your happy.”

He made a tsking sound. “Vera, that is terrible. Don’t be a buzzzzkill.”

“It is okay,” Claudia said. “Though true I will miss all of you terribly. I do not want to even think about it so let’s not think about it, okay?”

“Agreed,” I said.

She and Ricardo exchanged a gleeful look. “Ricardo,” she said slowly, staring at him with stars in her eyes before she looked back to us, “is getting his job to be transferred to Madrid.”

“Bye bye, Valencia,” he said with the widest smile.

“But Valencia is beautiful,” Mateo said.

“Yes, but Claudia is in Madrid,” was Ricardo’s answer. “It’s time for a change anyway and my lease is almost up. I think I will enjoy Madrid just fine.”

“Madrid is very nice, too,” Mateo conceded, almost quietly to himself.

Talk about a buzzkill. I know that Claudia’s good news was a joyous thing and I really, truly was happy for her. But the fact that they were able to be together, move for each other, just like that…it fucking stung. I could sense that Mateo felt the same way. He put his hand on my thigh and gave it a soft squeeze, all while smiling for the happy couple.

“That’s amazing news,” I managed to say, trying to match Mateo’s praise. “So happy for you guys.”

I never was a very good liar. Claudia could tell something was up and kept giving me the eye for the rest of the meal. When we were done, we all had to disperse to go meet with our presentation groups, but she pulled me aside and tried to get it out of me. I told her I was just sad in general and to leave it at that. I knew she thought I wasn’t telling the truth, but she was a good enough friend that she didn’t try and force it out of me.

The presentations were made by the Spaniards. My group consisted of me, Tyler (ugh), Jorge, and Eduardo, with me and Tyler only helping the others with their presentations that they’d have to give to everyone. Though they were encouraged to give presentations that had something to do with their job, they really had free reign to do anything, and Eduardo took advantage of that, trying to model his after the Cosmo sex quiz we did together.

His was called, “What kind of Las Palabras Spaniard are you?” and his presentation was pretty much going through the quiz and explaining to the audience how it worked. There was the “Sex Pest,” and he proudly said he fell into that category, the “Noisy Know-It-All,” the “Secretly Fluent One,” the “Butt Kisser,” the “Drunk Animal,” the “Caffeinated Crazy,” the “Anglo Challenged,” and the “Celebrity,” which I assumed was someone like Mateo. When I did the quiz, I got “Sex Pest,” too. Wish I could say it had been rigged.

Because each Spaniard was doing a four to five minute presentation, that meant we were held hostage in the rec room for nearly two hours. As much as I loved my Spanish friends, some of them were so damn boring that by the end I was falling asleep in my chair.

That was until I saw the second to last presentation: Mateo’s. I hadn’t really talked to him about it, you know, because of the sex happening and all that, so I had no idea what his was all about.

Lo and behold, I was shocked to pieces when he wiped the whiteboard on the wall clean and started pointing to people in the audience and asking them to name a constellation. Beatriz named Virgo, and he drew the exact stars for Virgo, including the lines connecting them. Angel named the Big Dipper and Mateo drew that. Ed told him to draw Orion, which was more complicated than you would think, and Mateo somehow drew it perfectly down to the arms that no one pays much attention to. As he drew, he told us about the stories behind each one of them, the actual myths behind their being. When he got to Leo, he started off by repeating my Lambert the Sheepish Lion story, before he chuckled to himself and quickly told the right one.

When he was all done, he put the marker down and faced us all, hands behind his back.

“For as long as man has been around, he has felt governed by the stars,” he said in a rich, teacher-like voice, making deep eye contact with everyone like a pro. “But I do not believe this to be true. The stars may place us in each other’s paths—I dare say that everyone here has been a victim of some sort of celestial fate. Perhaps we were all fated to meet, to be here with each other, but it is up to us to decide to shine or not. The stars are not unreachable. They are not untouchable. And they do not control us. I just took the concept of stars and made them my own.” He swung his arm, gesturing to the star-studded wall. “I just created my own universe in this room here. When we all part ways, I invite you all to do the same. Design your own universe, make your own stars, write your own stories, and create your own destiny.”