"Hey, Shane. How are you?" I tried to act polite; hoping the anger inside me wasn't evident in my tone.

"Good. Are you okay?" He looked from me, to Logan, and back again. Logan's stared at the ground, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

I nodded.

"You uh, you need a ride home?

"Yes!" I shouted, before calming myself down. "Please. Thank you."

He waited for me to walk ahead of him, putting his hand on my back, as he led me to his car.

I don't turn around.

I don't look back.

Because I don't hate him.

Logan

For over a year I tried to forget that night with her existed. I tried to not think about what she must have been thinking, or how she must have felt. Eventually I convinced myself that she didn't care. That I was just another boy, another date, another night.

But then she stood in front of me and told me all this shit, and it took everything in me to not hold her. To not tell her the truth. To not tell her how sorry I am and beg for her to fucking forgive me.

So I stood there, and let her take out a years worth of anger and pain and I did nothing to make it better.

Because I can't.

How the fuck can I make things right, when it's too damn late for all of it.

And then she left, with some guy she apparently knows and I did nothing to stop her. Because she's not mine and I have no right.

I fucked up.

I fucked up bad.

And I want her.

I want her so fucking bad.

TWELVE

-Past-

The scare

I woke up mid morning the next day seedy and tired as fuck. I smiled to myself. So worth it.

Dad was in the kitchen reading the paper when I walked in. He lifted his head when he heard me come in. "Late night?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his face.

"Yeah, you could say that." I opened the fridge, and then closed it again. Stupid habit.

"Has she left?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "I took her home last night, or this morning actually."

He nodded once, not taking his eyes off me. "Do we need to talk about protection?"

"No!" I said quickly. Then calmed myself down. "No. I'm good with that—trust me. But that's not—I mean, we didn't last night."

His eyes went wide; he misunderstood.

"No, that's not what I meant, I mean, we didn't...do that. We didn't have sex." I clarified.

He exhaled, relieved, and then went back to reading the paper.

I watched him. He's always been quiet, never really wanting to get too involved in my business. He got that sometimes I just needed to do things my way. I understood it was hard for him, without a woman around, to deal with certain things. He really made an effort to be both for me, but I got that it can be awkward for him.

"I really like her. Amanda, that's her name," I told him. I wanted to tell someone.

He looked up with a smile on his face. He folded the paper and put it aside, then leaned forward on his elbows, giving me his full attention.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, she's something else. I'm actually going to meet her at work on her break today. Do you think it's too soon? I mean last night was our first date."

"Date?" he said, eyebrows raised.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, date. It's strange, huh? Me going on a date."

"It's not strange, Logan. It's just about time. And no, I don't think it's too soon. If you both want to see each other then it doesn't matter, right?"

"I guess." I shrugged. "I feel like I need to do something, to tell her, or show her, that I liked being with her, you know?"

"Well, what does she like?"

I thought for a while. "Red Gummy Bears."

"Well, there you go." He smiled as he stood up and left the room.

***

I finally picked out two bags with the most red gummy bears and started walking to the checkout.

That's when I saw her.

She stood in the middle of the aisle, looking down at something in her hands.

"Micky!" I yelled.

She dropped what she was holding. It fell to the floor.

I walked over to her.

She looked up, her face pale, her eyes wide, shocked. She was frozen. She hadn't moved since she saw me. She hadn't blinked. I doubt she was even breathing.

I stopped a few feet from her. I looked from her, to the floor and then the shelf. She still hadn't moved. I picked up the item and look at it. My stomach dropped to the floor.

A pregnancy test.

I lifted my gaze. Our eyes locked. And before I could say anything, she folded over herself and as a sob overtook her.

I put the gummy bears on a shelf, brought into my arms and led her to my car.

There was a goddamn ache in my chest and I didn't know why.

I tried to talk through the lump in my throat but nothing came out.

She sat there sobbing and frantically wiping her tears. She was trying to breathe through it, to calm herself down. And eventually, it started to work.

I don't know how much more this girl could take. And I don't know if there was anything I could have done to make it better. So I said the only thing I could think of to say; "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know." She said it so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"So you haven't taken the test yet?"

"No." She started crying again. "Please, Logan. You can't tell anybody about this. No one. Especially Jake, please." She didn't want Jake to know. Why? Either way, I wasn't going to say shit to anyone.

"Mikayla, I wouldn't. It's not my story to tell."

Silence.

I sat there watching her for what felt like forever. "My dad's a doctor, I can take you to him, just to be sure. It's all confidential. It's the law or some shit. No one will know. I promise."

She nodded her head, looking out the window. I started the car and drove to Dad's practice.

***

I told her to sit in the waiting room while I found my Dad.

She held on to my arm, stopping me from walking away.

I stopped and turned to face her.

She had tears in her eyes, waiting to fall. She looked up at me, and then suddenly her arms were around me, her face on my chest. She started crying again, and I don't know if she knew how loud she was, because the other people in the waiting room all looked up at her. Linda, the receptionist, saw what was going on, "Take her to your dad’s office, Logan."

So I did.

A few minutes later Dad came in. He closed the door behind him. Then looked from me, then to Micky, and back to me again. "What's going on, Logan?" He said this suspiciously. And then it hit me, what it must look like to him. Me, bringing in some random girl, who's in tears, to see him, a doctor.

"Dad," I greeted. "This is Mikayla, uh...Jake's Mikayla."

I could see him visibly relax, before a different emotion took over his features. He moved to squat in front of Micky, so they were eye to eye. "Hi, Mikayla," he started. "I'm Dr. Matthews, but you can call me Alan." He smiled at her. It was sympathetic, but it was also genuine. "What can I help you with today?"