He nodded abruptly, then turned away. I didn't expect to see him in the cafe again.

Eighteen

ONCE AGAIN, I WAS WRONG. INSTEAD OF AVOIDING ME, DARCY as there at every shift. Sometimes he would leave when I was done and walk me back. I found it easier to not fight it. It was a short walk, and most of the time he would mercifully walk with me in silence. If we talked, it was generally small talk about classes.

"So where's your boyfriend?" Tara asked me one night.

"Who? Wick? He's not my boyfriend." As if I needed to be reminded.

"You know that's not who I'm talking about."

"Darcy?" I scoffed. "Please, he's more like a ..."

"Stalker?"

I shook my head. "I believe stalkers have to generally care about their prey."

"Your bodyguard?"

"That would be ironic since he's the person I need protection from."

"Huh." Tara started to wipe down a counter.

"What?" I pried.

"You know what I find ironic?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

She looked up at me. "That you complain about him, yet you always look when the door opens toward closing time, like you're waiting for him."

"No I don't."

I had to think about it. Did I?

"So why do you let him?" she asked.

"Well, he wears shoes and a shirt, so I can't really deny him service."

"You know that's not what I mean. Why do you let him walk you home?"

"I don't know. At first, I didn't want to put up a fight. I didn't think it would become a habit. But nobody really tries anything with me when he's around, and that's nice. I guess I've just gotten used to it."

The truth was: I could be myself on our walks. I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to. It wasn't like I had to pretend that everything in my life was great (like I have to with my parents). Or be on alert (like with the rest of my class). Or try to be supportive and upbeat (like with Jane).

With Darcy, I found that I could be me.

Occasionally, we'd talk about life back home. He'd ask me about my family or what I did over the weekend. But most of the time we walked in silence and it wasn't awkward. We had our own separate moments that we seemed to share in silence. It was natural, it wasn't forced, it was our own little routine.

Then, with two weeks until spring break, he broke the routine. Instead of letting me go off into my dorm without a good-bye of any sort, he took the moment of my departure to ask, "Can I speak to you?"

I shrugged. He'd had an opportunity to speak to me for the previous fifteen minutes, so I didn't see why now was any better a time. But he had a nervous look on his face, so curiosity got the best of me.

"Lizzie, Elizabeth ... I don't think I can keep this up any longer. I like you. I like you a lot."

I was so astonished, I couldn't speak.

He continued. "I find myself thinking about you constantly -- against my better judgment, I might add. I keep trying to reason with myself about why I'm so drawn to you. As much as I try, I can't seem to talk myself out of it. You're like no one else I've known ... and that has nothing to do with your upbringing. I mean, it's good and bad, I guess. Anyway, I would like to take you to prom."

My initial instinct was to be polite, like with Colin. But I was so offended and aggravated at his proposal that I was filled with nothing but resentment.

"Despite what you might think of my upbringing," I began, trying to control the anger in my voice, "I was raised to be polite. I know I should thank you for your offer, but I won't. The very last thing I want in this world is for you to think anything of me, and there is no way I would ever go to prom with you."

Darcy struggled to retain his composure. "Are you serious? How could you say such a thing to me?"

"How could I say such things?" My voice was slowly rising. "How could you even for a second think I would be thrilled to hear that you like me against your better judgment ... that you can't talk yourself out of liking me? You are so full of yourself. You can't even ask a girl to prom without insulting her, and you're too daft to even realize it!"

Darcy's face burned red. He opened up his mouth to speak, but I continued.

"And I have every reason to despise you. Are you so vain that you didn't realize this? You cost my best friend's happiness with Charles."

Darcy's eyes grew wide.

"Don't even try to deny it. I know it was you. You, who walks around with this holier-than-thou air about you, dictating who should be with who. Jane is the most wonderful person I have ever met. Yes, her father is in between jobs and her sister is brash, but who are you to tell Charles who he can and cannot date?

"And Wick! You couldn't contain your jealousy, could you? You couldn't stand the thought of a townie having the same connections as you. So what did you do? You got him expelled. You ruined his chance at a good education, of making something of himself. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if you tried to find some bogus reason to get me kicked out now that I've wounded your bloated pride. Although I sincerely doubt that anybody can do that to you. You selfish, spoiled jerk. I was liking it so much more when we were silent. When things weren't forced. Why did you have to speak?"

"You really believe this about me?" Darcy's voice was soft. "You certainly have made up your mind, haven't you?"

"Since the first moment I met you. You have been nothing but conceited and standoffish. I tried to make an effort for Jane's sake, but since that isn't an issue any longer, thanks to you, I don't have any reason to hide my feelings."

"No, no, you certainly aren't hiding anything." Darcy leaned against a tree. "Well, I've heard enough. I'm sorry for offending you with my proposal -- that isn't what I intended to do. I'm ..." He seemed lost for a moment. Then he stood up purposely and nodded at me. "Well, thanks for your time. Have a good night." He hurriedly walked toward Pemberley.

I rushed to my room, feeling outraged. I found a note from Jane on my computer screen, saying she was in the common room.

How could I have possibly attracted someone like Will Darcy? Not only that, but I had absolutely no idea that all this time he'd been flirting with me.

I fell to the floor, exhausted from everything -- school, work, practice, and now this.

The dam finally burst. I had, once again, reached my breaking point.

I locked the door and broke down in tears.

Nineteen

I DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TELL JANE WHAT HAPPENED.

Not only could I not bear to repeat my conversation with Darcy, I didn't want to bring up my theory that Darcy was responsible for Charles's distance.

I decided to take a sick day that Monday and stayed in bed catching up on work. When I went to e-mail my Hoboken friends, I was shocked to find an e-mail from Darcy that he'd sent late the previous night.

Dear Lizzie,

Please know that I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I'm not going to repeat myself here. But after thinking about what you said, I can understand why you have so much contempt for me. However, in fairness to us both, I think there are a few things you should know.

First, I want to apologize about how I treated you when we first met. I was rude to you at the party and, you were right, it was because you were a scholarship student. I spent the semester in London running away from some issues I had and it was really hard coming back. I think I might have taken it out on you. But then I got to know you and I was horrified by the assumptions that I had made about you. You are really an incredible person and I admire how brave you are (and I will admit you are the first person I've met at Pemberley or Longbourn who hasn't been impressed by my family's money, which made me like you even more). I hoped that your opinion of me would change if you gave me a second chance. I tried to figure out a way to make amends, but, obviously, it was all in vain. So if you take anything away from this letter, I hope it is that I am truly sorry for how I treated you.