Then it hit me like it always does. “But Mom…it’s really my fault. I hid the pregnancy from him for so long…maybe if I had told him sooner he might not have gotten so deep…”

She put her fingers up to my lips and shook her head. “No. We don’t do this. We don’t play the what if’s…ever. The past is in the past. Leave it there. If you don’t, it will eat you alive and for what? You can’t do anything to change it, so learn from it and let it go.”

I looked at my mom and smiled. She had always been my rock. She was a therapist and her best friend and colleague had agreed to be Brad’s therapist after he got out of rehab. Bryan had suggested that Brad continue to see one for as long as he felt the need. He still goes and talks to her at least twice a month.

Brad walked in and stopped when he saw us. “What’s wrong?” he said as he looked at me and then at my mother.

My mom started laughing. “Nothing, sweetheart. I was telling Amanda an old story and she got all emotional.” She turned and winked at me as I tried to smile.

Brad walked up and took me into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

After we had brought all the presents in and put them in the garage, we all headed outside. The girls were all sitting out back laughing and talking.

“What, do the kids all take naps at the same time now?” I asked as I walked up and kissed Amanda on the cheek.

“By some miracle, they all crashed at the same time,” Ari said with a chuckle.

“The minute I saw Libby and Will sleeping I just left them where they were…sound asleep in their stroller.”

We all let out a soft laugh. Each of the kids had fallen asleep. Ari had been holding a sleeping Grace up until five minutes ago, when she got up and put her in Alex’s playpen. Maegan had crashed in the portable playpen a few minutes ago, and Luke was sleeping in one of the lounge chairs.

“Man, Luke looks like his dad after a night of heavy drinking,” I said as I punched Jeff in the arm.

“Fuck you, dude.”

I looked around at everyone and then shook my head.

“I wish Scott and Jessie were here,” I said, and everyone nodded in agreement.

Ellie let out a small sigh and then said, “Okay. So everyone knows the game plan right? Y’all are all going to come over around eight in the morning, right?”

Ari and Heather moaned as Ellie gave them a look. “I know your kids are up by then, so don’t moan about it. If we start early that gives us all time to hang out and then get ready to spend the afternoon with our parents.”

“Fine, but if Luke sleeps in, my ass is letting him. He’s a monster if you wake him up before he’s ready,” Ari said as Jeff laughed and agreed.

We spent the next hour or so talking and laughing about everything and nothing. Ellie talked about the baby and how excited she was, Josh talked about how well the business was going and how he just landed a huge job for a doctor’s office in Fredericksburg, and Jeff and Gunner talked about the ranch.

I had yet to tell Amanda I got a promotion at work and that I was now going to be able to work from home most of the time. I couldn’t wait to tell her and planned on telling her tonight sometime. I loved spending every single minute with her and Meg, so this was perfect. I didn’t even care when she dragged me to all those craft shows and into all the stores in Fredericksburg, even though we’d been in them a thousand times. I just loved being with her. As we all enjoyed the rest of the afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel more and more excited about telling Amanda the good news.

Gunner and I sat on the back porch that evening and talked after I had helped Amanda put Maegan down to bed. I was surprised Meg went to sleep in the portable crib so well in our room. She was a creature of habit and usually didn’t take too well to change. I looked up to see Amanda and Ellie walk out onto the porch. Amanda looked at me and her cheeks instantly blushed. I couldn’t help but wonder what she had been thinking of to ’cause her to blush like that. Maybe the other morning in the kitchen perhaps. I had to move and adjust my jeans just thinking about that morning. Damn.

She walked over and sat down in my lap. She moved a little and must have felt my hard on, because she raised her eyebrows and winked.

“Want to go for a walk?” she asked.

I looked out into the dark night and smiled. “Baby, it’s pitch dark out.”

She held up two flashlights and winked.

I let out a laugh and said, “My baby wants to go on a midnight stroll, let’s go for a stroll.”

She jumped up and let out a little shriek and so did Ellie. Gunner smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Ellie handed a blanket to Amanda and she wrapped it around her shoulders. She had on a sweatshirt, so I couldn’t believe she was still cold.

“You want a heavier jacket so you don’t have to carry the blanket?” I asked as Gunner stood up.

“No!” Ellie and Amanda both yelled. I took a step back and held up my hands. “Okay. Okay…blanket it is.” Gunner threw his head back and laughed.

“Why do I think this was planned?” he said as he looked over at a smiling Ellie.

She slowly shook her head and said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Amanda giggled as she hooked her arm in mine and we headed off for our stroll in the dark. As we walked, Amanda took in a deep breath of air.

“God, I love it out here,” she said as she put her head back some.

My heart started beating faster. Now with my promotion, we could move closer to everyone since I would be working from home mostly.

“Yeah, I do too. Would you ever want to move out here?” I asked, trying to be as casual as I could.

Even though I couldn’t see her face, I could tell she was smiling. “In a heartbeat—if I didn’t think you would have to get an apartment and live in Austin and come home on the weekends!”

We both laughed and she reached down and took my hand. I was letting her lead the way since she had a clear plan of where we were going.

“Are we going to the barn?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything and picked up the pace a bit.

“What’s the rush, pumpkin? Where in the hell are you trying to go?”

She squeezed my hand and said, “The barn, damn it, but I just heard something running off! Hurry and walk faster!”

I reached down and swept her off her feet, carrying her the rest of the way to the barn. Gunner had built it right after his house was done and they only kept a few horses out there. It was probably the nicest barn I’d ever seen. The upper loft was finished out and a few times me, Gunner, Jeff and Josh had gone up there and just sat for hours shooting the shit. Fuck. I want to move out here and be closer to our friends.

The moment we walked into the barn and I saw the light coming from upstairs I knew something was up. I looked at Amanda and winked.

“You had this planned all along?” I asked her as I slowly set her down.

She nodded her head and bit down on her lower lip and started chewing on it. Clear sign she’s nervous about something. She slowly started walking backwards and over to the stairs. She didn’t want to…here? In Gunner’s barn?

I let out a small chuckle and started to follow her before I stopped. “Amanda…are you really wanting to have sex in Gunner’s barn? Baby, I love this new side of you and all, but…” I turned back and looked at the opening to the barn.

When I turned back around she was halfway up the stairs. Then I heard her let out a gasp and I took off up the stairs after her.

“What? What’s wrong…what did you—” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Oh wow,” I whispered. The loft was covered in white lights. Everywhere you looked were lights. The small round table that was up here was covered in a beautiful white tablecloth and there was a huge bouquet of white roses. As I followed Amanda, I noticed there was a tray of chocolate-covered strawberries and another tray that had fruit and cheese on it. Next to the table was a bottle of sparkling water and I had to laugh. I think I was the only one out of our friends who no longer drank. The two glasses on the table said “Congratulations” on them.