“Pen—”

“Please?” Her voice cracks as she speaks. “I don’t want you to see him like this.” One tear, just one brims over and trickles down her face.

I want to wipe it away.

I want to fix this, in a way I can’t fix anything else in my life.

“Let me help. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.” There are so many questions shoving their way into my head right now: what is this? How often does it happen? But right now, none of it matters. The only things that do are Gramps and Penny.

She wipes her eyes, even though there aren’t more tears. I wish I knew how she does it. She’s like a brick wall, so strong and sturdy. “He wouldn’t want you to see him like this.”

She right, but it’s still not okay to leave her with it. “And like I said, you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone.” My hand is shaking, but this time not because of anxiety or the need to be medicated, but because I want to touch her. Feel the soft skin that holds in so much strength. I’ve spent weeks here, and I never would have imagined she lived with something like this going on.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here. I’m not a damn kid! If I want to go outside, I can damn well go outside.” Gramps is coming our way now. I don’t wait for Penny’s permission and step around her to head him off.

“Where ya goin’ old man?” I try to tease but it comes out flat. Hopefully, he doesn’t catch on. “It’s cold as hell out there. You wanna go out, we’ll go out, but let’s get your working clothes on. That engine is way too greasy.” I have no idea what I’m saying. If I sound like an idiot or if it will do any good, but it’s all that comes to me. “And what’s this shit you’re listening to? I thought you had good taste in music.” It’s a risk, bringing it up, but if the Gramps I know is in there, it’ll work.

That secretive, cocky Gramps grin curves one side of his mouth, and I think he’s in there. Whatever’s going on, the Gramps who works with me on cars realizes this is funny—knows there’s something familiar and a private joke that he’s in on.

“Don’t call me old man, Rookie, and you’re right…the music is shit.” He laughs and the fist squeezing my chest tightens slightly.

“It’s not that bad. Maybe you need to get your hearing aids changed. Now show me where your room is so we can find your stuff and go work on the car.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I try and forget the fact that I have a naked old man next to me. While we walk, I turn my head, trying to catch Penny’s eyes and hoping I’m doing the right thing. She’s standing where I left her, her ripe, cherry red lips in an “O,” but I swear, there’s something different in her eyes. Something I’ve never seen before when she looked at me.

Gramps leads me to his room. Penny’s behind us. Things suddenly decide to go our way when I see there’s a pair of sweatpants laid out on Gramps bed. Maybe he was changing when something switched in his brain. Is this normal? So many questions.

“Why don’t you put those on?” I let go of him. “If you still feel like it, we can go work on the Corvette after you’re dressed.”

His eyelids flutter, and his shoulders slump, looking drained. Gramps sits on the bed and starts to put on the pants. “I’m not feeling very well, son. Think we could put off the car till tomorrow?”

My body stiffens at the word son. Not in a bad way, but in a way that actually makes me feel like more than the Bishop Riley I thought about earlier. More than any kind of Bishop I’ve ever been. A better Bishop. “Absolutely. I’ll be here.”

“I’ll help him into bed.” Penny steps up beside me and touches my arm. “There’re some pills in his bathroom. They’re color-coded. I need the ones in the purple container. Can you grab them for me?”

“Yeah…sure.” I’m concentrating on the way it felt to hear him call me son and the feel of her hand against my skin that her words don’t sink in until I’m standing in the bathroom, which I swear could double as a pharmacy. Sleeping pills, pain pills, I recognize them all. My mouth gets dry. My heart rate spikes. I want them. I can’t believe how much. It’s the stress. Has to be. Worrying about Maryanne getting in trouble, the band, Mom at home without me when Dad had called not long before. He’s been leaving us alone now, but what if he doesn’t? And Gramps…Jesus, Gramps. I could take one and no one would notice. I deserve that. After this crazy night, I could use something to take the edge off.

My whole arm shakes when I pick up the container.

One, one, one. I could take one. That wouldn’t be so bad. The lid twists between my fingertips.

“Did you find it?” Penny calls from the other room. Her voice breaks through the daze taking me over.

Shit. “Umm…Yeah. Be right there.” I peek out of the room. She’s not coming. No one would know, especially if I do it right here. Drink some water from the sink or take it dry, and make this whole night disappear. I want it to be gone. Not to have to know Gramps goes through this.

Gramps.

The guy I work on the Corvette with every day. The one who treats me like an equal and talks to me. Penny jumps into my head next. She wouldn’t be this damn weak. There’s Gary, too. He just told me he’s proud of me. And mom. It would kill her to think of me downing pills, especially at a time like this. It’s still a fight. My fingers don’t want to obey, but I manage to toss the bottle on the counter. I can’t do it. Not from them. But damn, I want to…so bad.

I grab the purple container and get my ass out of the room as fast as I can. My hands are quivering so bad it almost slips out of them a million times before I get it to Penny. “Here. You good, now?” Please be okay. I need to get out of here.

She gives me a small smile before giving Gramps the pill. He seems to be better now, more like himself. He takes it before Penny tells him goodnight. We’re to the door before he says, “Lucky? Bishop? I love you guys.” And then he closes his eyes.

I love you guys… Maybe he wouldn’t if he knew what I wanted to do with his pills.

“Follow me.” Penny doesn’t wait for my reply as she starts walking up the stairs. I feel like shit. I’m confused, ashamed, and on edge. My feet are begging to take me to Gary’s again for my anxiety meds. Back in the house for Gramps…just to check on Gramps, but I follow her anyway up to a smaller set of stairs—almost like a ladder. She pushes open a door in the ceiling, and we crawl through into something the size of an apartment, but open with windows on all sides.

“What is this place?” I take in the open space, all the windows, and I bet if it wasn’t black outside, we could see forever from up here. The walls are wood like everywhere else in the house, but there’s actually carpet instead of worn plywood floors.

“Gramps built it for me after my dad died, but first I was too young and didn’t want to be here alone, and now my room is close to where Gramps sleeps so I can listen for him.”

There’re a few blankets and stacks of massive pillows on the ground. She must come here often. Penny sits. Right as I’m about to ask her what just happened, she says, “Thanks… That was… Thanks.”

I sit down next to her. “No problem. What’s wrong with him?” I hate the words because I don’t want anything to be wrong with him.

“Mild dementia. The beginnings of Alzheimer’s. He’s fine most of the time, but he loses it sometimes. I mean, he’s okay a lot, but once in a while he isn’t, and tonight… That’s new.”

“Damn. That sucks. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

She shrugs. There’s a soft light in the corner giving me just enough lighting to see her. “He wouldn’t want you to. It’s hard. You know him. He’s amazing. It kills me to see him lose himself like that.” She blinks again before she pulls in this deep breath and tries to smile. Even now, she doesn’t want me to think she’s not tough.