“Grow up, Ziah,” Lora’s voice echoes in the small space.

I spin to face her. How doesn’t she get I’m upset about way more than her stupid wedding? I open my mouth to tell her about James, but I can’t do it. She’s been with me all afternoon and hasn’t asked once about what has me down.

Instead I jump to offense. “I’ve met Dylan. You do NOT want to be part of that family. Is it for the money? Because—”

“I’m stopping myself from slapping you right now.” Lora yells. “I’m in love, Ziah. Deal with it and get your ass back to the table please. It’s weird.”

And with that she turns and walks out. I leap out to follow her, so it’ll look more like we just had a little girl talk and less like my sister’s pissed. We both find our smiles before making it back to the table, and our food’s there.

Something to do. Too bad I’m not sure if I can eat, because Mom’s restaurant rocks. All comfort food with a gourmet twist. Zila’s – Half me (Ziah) and half my sister (Lora). I’m a little too proud that my part of the name comes first. But now that I have my meal, the mac and cheese with bacon just looks like lumps, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to swallow it down.

“So. We have one more small announcement.” Lora smiles, but Derrick has this really odd, nervous look on his face.

“I knew it! You’re pregnant, aren’t you!” The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them.

Dylan tenses next to me. Dad chokes. Dylan’s dad coughs. Mom throws me another knock-it-off look around the front of Dad.

“God. Ziah. No.” Lora rolls her eyes. “Drop it with that already, would you?”

Right. I may have brought it up this afternoon while buried under a stack of bridal magazines.

“We’re taking winter semester off to plan the wedding and spend some time with our families!”

Derrick touches her cheek again. Both Mom and Dad stiffen, and I sit back because I won’t need to say anything now. The voices around the table reach an odd level of tense excitement I plan on tuning out. Mom and Dad might be relaxed about a lot of things, but graduating from college is not optional. Not if you want to be on speaking terms with them.

I close my eyes and wonder what on earth went wrong with James and me. How could he have wanted more from me, when something was happening with him and Alyssa? I want to talk to her so badly, but I can’t. She’s one of the guilty parties.

Finally the voices at the table are animated enough that I open my eyes. Dylan’s just sitting back like I am and letting it happen. Huh. Maybe he’s not into this whole wedding thing either. Oh. Of course. One girl for the rest of his brother’s life. Dylan probably can’t imagine that—it would probably be like going without air for someone like him.

Dad’s talking. Mom’s talking. Dylan’s dad is talking, and Derrick and Lora look like they’re being pounced on. Ha. That’ll teach them.

“Wait. What?” Dylan’s leaning so far forward he’s about to lose his chair. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”

Oh. Crap. Maybe I should have been paying attention.

“I know Ziah’s in.” Lora’s smile is way too forced, and her green eyes are on mine. “We plan on jumping in again tomorrow over her favorite muffins.”

I’m sure she’s trying to give me some clue by stressing favorite muffins, but I’m not in the frame of mind to figure it out.

“I’m sorry, what?” In what? What am I supposed to be in? Dylan looks equal parts pissed and disbelieving.

“Helping plan the wedding.” I swear her smile stretches even farther—something I didn’t think was possible until a minute ago.

I choke, which turns into a cough, which turns into a giggle. And then into one of those giggle fits there’s no way I’m getting out of. I know I let loose a couple of snorts, and the more everyone looks, the harder I laugh. It’s just so absurd. I’ll be about as helpful as a twelve-year-old boy. And my emotions are so mixed up, my body has no idea how to react anymore.

The thought of spending any more time looking at another overly floofed wedding dress makes me want to puke—especially because I feel like I sort of lost my friend and my boyfriend in one text.

“I’ll be okay,” I say, as I wave my hand in front of my face trying to calm down, but my voice comes out all whiny because I can’t stop laughing.

Me. Plan a wedding. Right. Math I can do. Dissecting pigs for biology I can do. Wedding? I don’t thread needles. I can’t even make mac and cheese, and no one would ever ask me for my handwriting on a sign at school. I don’t do dresses, and I don’t understand weddings.

Then Dad’s hand touches me as he rubs my back up and down, and I finally start to calm down. The whole table staring at my red face sobers me further.

“Please,” Lora mouths at me across the table.

I sit up and pull in a few breaths. “Yea. I’m in.” I give her a look that says she SO owes me later, but I’m still taking odd breaths to keep my hysterics in check.

“Umm, I’m not,” Dylan pipes up. “What do you mean, help plan a wedding? Can’t you pay someone for that? First you spring this on me, and then you expect me to jump onboard and be a designated wedding planner? You can pick your own flowers.”

He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms. His words come out angry, but the way he looks at his brother… it’s almost as if he’s hurt. I feel a little bad for him, but I don’t want to feel bad for the guy who ruined my favorite T-shirt and threw the party that changed everything between me and James.

“Dylan… We want to do this together. With your help. You’re my brother. I need you by my side in this.”

Even I wouldn’t be able to say no to the way Derrick’s looking at him. Bet he trapped my sister with that same look. I could swear I notice Dylan shaking. What is he thinking? I never would have expected he’d be this upset.

“We’ll talk about it later,” their dad jumps in.

Dad clears his throat and makes a few more comments about how Lora had better keep on track, and that taking a semester off is a big deal. They’re back to a normal level of conversation, and I’m back to my food and planning in my head how I’m going to make Lora pay for what she’s about to do to me.

I don’t look at Dylan while I eat. I just sit and eat… Well, nibble. Mom, Dad, Derrick, Lora, and Dylan’s dad are all chatting like no one freaked out, like no one’s getting married way too young and taking a semester off of school.

Dylan is just as silent as me.

***

The moment I can get away with it, I hide in the kitchen. Mom’s there minutes later, afraid to leave her cooks for too long.

“Can I have the car and go home?” I ask.

“Say goodbye to your sister first.”

I don’t mean to, but I snort.

“Come on, Ziah. You could have at least tried to be nice after Derrick overheard you calling your sister stupid for wanting to get married.”

I slump in my chair that sits at my favorite little corner of Mom’s kitchen, because it wasn’t just that. Lora knows me. She’s always the first person to know when bad things happen, and she didn’t even ask. She just assumed I was upset because of her.  Being engaged has already turned her into a self-centered bridezilla.

“Fine.”

And wedding planning, watching those two together. Gag. Hurt pushes into my heart. I don’t want to be around anyone in love after losing James. It just sucks.

I open my mouth twice to say something about James and Alyssa, but nothing comes out. I blink away a few tears as I leave the kitchen.

There’s a small area outside to eat, but most people don’t go out in the winter because it’s too cold. When I step out, I almost run into Dylan’s back before stopping. His eyes are on Derrick and Lora holding hands and standing close in front of Derrick’s car.

The thing is, she looks happy. In love. I don’t want her to look happy or in love.

“Crap,” I say under my breath.