“Do it when I feel like it.” I shrug, then stop to put the smoke out. Laney will complain and I don’t feel like fighting with my sister today.

We walk around the building to the courtyard. There are two picnic tables there. The graffiti I’ve seen on them before is covered by tablecloths. Balloons and streamers decorate light posts and trees. Orange and brown leaves are all over the ground, a stereo sits on one of the tables, and the grills are going.

Laney, Adrian, Colt, and Cheyenne are all standing there with their backs to us, and something makes me stop. Makes me take it in. These people love my sister. They did this for her, and maybe it’s not much for a lot of people but it’s huge for her, which makes it important to me.

Mom didn’t do shit for our birthdays after Dad got locked up. We were lucky if she acknowledged us, and even though Laney never said it bothered her, I know it did. She’s happy and wants everyone else to be happy.

My stomach sinks as I take it in, wishing I was the kind of brother who would have thought to do something like this for her.

“He loves her… Most of the time love doesn’t make sense but it kind of does with them,” Bee whispers, and I wonder how she knew what I was thinking. Adrian’s standing behind Laney with his arms around her as they talk to their friends.

After everything that’s happened, he really fucking loves her and that makes the guilt churn inside me more.

“She deserves it.” Before I get the chance to walk toward them, Bee grabs my wrist.

“You’re a good brother. She loves you.”

Half of her sentence is true. “I know she does.” We’re facing each other. Standing here looking at her, I struggle to remember what I was thinking about. What had me upset because she’s gorgeous and she’s so fucking different from anyone I’ve ever known. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have her. No… She’s not really mine, though, is she?

Still, I’m glad she’s here. I don’t remember ever really being glad to be around someone like that.

“Maddy!” Laney yells. “Get your butt over here.”

Bee’s hand slips off my wrist and I realize I’d forgotten she was holding on to it. “I have a feeling we better go or she’ll come drag us there,” Bee says.

That makes me laugh. “You know her already.”

When we get to the tables, I set my bag by the gifts. “Hey.” I hug Laney and then nod at Adrian and Colt. “What’s up?” I say to Cheyenne.

“How are things going at the shop?” Cheyenne asks. I’ve hardly spoken to her but I know she’s my sister’s best friend and she’s trying to be cool to me because of it.

“Pretty good. I’m not tatting yet but—”

“He will be soon,” Bee interrupts. “He’s doing well. He’s a natural. Kind of pisses me off how good he is for a scratch.”

Everyone except me laughs. Her words were light and playful, yet for me they feel heavy. No, not heavy—deep, important because I want this. Want to be good at this one fucking thing because all I was ever good at was ball and that’s not me anymore.

“Jealous?” I tease her back.

“Of what? I taught you everything you know.”

This time I laugh too. Something makes me wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. “You wish. I’m a natural, remember?”

“You have a naturally big head.” She tries to pull away. I hold her tighter.

Bee’s pretending to pout, with her arms crossed and I really want to suck her bottom lip into my mouth. I’ve never seen her act like this before. I don’t want it to stop either.

Turning, I put my mouth next to her ear. “My head isn’t really a conversation I want to have around my sister.” She tenses and then jerks away. Honestly I’m a little freaked out I just pissed her off but she bends and lets out the biggest laugh I’ve ever heard from her. The sound vibrates through me and I wish I could hit repeat to hear it over and over.

“What did we miss?” Cheyenne asks.

“I’m pretty sure you don’t wanna know, Tiny Dancer,” Colt tells her.

Bee’s still laughing and my skin starts to prick, so I look over and Laney and Adrian are both watching… dissecting me. I wish I could put up a shield between us so they can’t find whatever they’re looking for. With Laney, I know what it is. Know that I’m not being like myself right now and she sees it. Or am I being me? Who I used to be?

That can’t be it because Adrian’s looking for something too. He’s seeing something and he doesn’t know shit about who I used to be.

“You’re such an ass!” Bee’s voice breaks through me and I turn away to look at her. Tears are on her face she was laughing so hard and damned if it doesn’t feel good. Seeing her that happy and knowing it’s because of something I said makes me want to find a way to do it again.

* * *

I’m sitting on the top of one of the picnic tables with my feet flat on the seat. We finished eating some barbeque not long ago. Colt and Adrian are standing by the stereo talking while Bee, Laney, and Cheyenne are under one of the trees. Laney says something to Bee and then she laughs before shaking her head.

Laney says something else and then Bee replies and then Cheyenne adds something too. I don’t know why I feel the urge to walk over to them. To find out what they’re talking about to make her smile like that. She looks comfortable with them in a way she doesn’t often look. Yeah she’s strong and confident but she’s also closed off. In the beginning I remember noticing how she seemed to turn her emotions off but they’re shining bright as hell over there right now.

And they have been lately. At my house and at Lunar and hell even when we sit around Masquerade it’s like she’s showing me new pieces of her. Only she holds back. She hasn’t mentioned the thing with her names again and never talks about her parents, but she’s not locked in the invisible box she was in when I first met her. Her eyes and face are more honest.

The wind blows and a brown leaf breaks off the tree and falls on her. Bee picks it off her shoulder and looks at it. Studies it like it’s something important.

Laney says something else to her and Bee smiles before replying, still holding that leaf in her hand. Cheyenne says something to Laney as Bee looks toward the ground, bends over, and picks up another leaf, this one orange. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I’m interrupting a moment for her—seeing something that’s important, though I don’t get why it would be.

Then she holds them and launches into some other conversation with Cheyenne. It’s the perfect way for Laney to escape as she turns around and heads my way.

I’d get up and walk away but I know she’d follow. I feel like an asshole again, because what kind of brother wouldn’t want to talk to his own sister on her birthday?

“Hey. What are you doing over here all by yourself?” She sits next to me and drops her head to my shoulder. She does that a lot and has since we were kids.

“Nothing…” I feel like I should say more but I don’t know what.

“She’s great, Maddy. I really like her.”

With my eyes, I find Bee talking to Cheyenne and holding those leaves in her hand. I like her too. “She’s cool.”

“She’s strong too. It makes sense. You need a strong girl.”

I shrug my shoulder and she lifts her head to look at me. “We’re friends, little sister. Don’t start doing that.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine. I’ll stop being honest. Actually, after I say one more thing, I will. Today you’ve laughed in a way I haven’t seen you do since we were younger. You’re different and I think you know it too. You like her, Maddy, and she makes you happy. I hope you recognize that and don’t blow it. You deserve to be happy.”

This is where I’d usually walk away from her. Tell her she’s crazy and an optimist and to stop seeing shit that isn’t there. I don’t do any of it. Instead it’s Laney who stands up. She gets a few feet away when I say, “Hey.” She stops to look at me. “Happy birthday.”