I rubbed a hand over my head and looked at Rome sideways.  “Uh I actually told Shaw I would come get her car for her.  She left it here when she was visiting her folks.”

“Shaw was in Brookside this weekend?  You might not want to let your mom know that.  She’s having a hard time with the line Shaw drew in the sand.  That little gal is just as stubborn as you boys and I don’t think Margot was prepared for her to stick to her guns the way she has.  It’s awful nice of you to help her out Rome.”

I rolled my eyes at the automatic assumption Rome was the one she called on even though he had already told him it was my errand.  I wasn’t going to say anything but Rome chuckled and patted my dad on the back.

“Not me old-timer.  Shaw and Rule have called a truce.  You should see them; they actually act civil and spend time like normal people do together.  He’s the one that told her he would get the car, I just got roped into being the second driver.”

My dad looked over Rome’s broad shoulder at me with shock clear on his face.  “Really?  You two were always at odds, even when you were young.”

I shrugged.  “I’m trying to grow up a little bit.  She’s been in my life a long time I’m trying to put that into a new perspective. We get along fine.”  Plus spending time with her naked as often as possible was my new top priority in life and doing things that made her happy and kept her safe also had the bonus of making me happy which was such a new feeling I wasn’t sure what to do with it yet.

“Well maybe you can tell her how hard it’s been for your mom without her around.  Getting her to come by for a visit would be lovely.”

“She has her reasons for staying away dad.”  My tone sharpened reflexively but I kept my face smoothed out trying the belay the tension that was growing as we walked into the living room where my mom was watching TV on the sofa.  Her eyes snapped from Rome to me and then back.  Even from across the room I could feel the displeasure radiating off of her.

“What are you doing here?”  She didn’t even look at Rome her eyes were glued to me and her anger was like a whip across my skin.  I shoved my hands in my pockets and met her gaze with a level one of my own.  I wasn’t going to let her get under my skin this time; I owed it to my brother and to my girl.

“Just came by to say and see how you’re doing.”

“I don’t want you here.”  Rome went stiff beside me and I heard my dad take in a quick intake of breath but I wasn’t surprised.

“I know but I thought it wouldn’t kill me to try and fix things.”

“Why bother you just ruin everything.”  Her voice was raspy and I swore I could see the hatred she harbored hanging off of each syllable.  My dad took a step forward but Rome pulled him back.  “Margot that’s enough.  The boy is our son not a stranger we’re going to just put out on the street because you’re unhappy with him right now.”

“Dad it’s cool, I know how she feels and she’s never hidden it.”

“What do you expect Rule?  Because of you your brother is in a box in the ground and the girl I think of as a daughter won’t have anything to do with me.  You’re a poison to this family.”

Well that was a little harsher and a little blunter than she normally went for but it was finally out in the open.  I rubbed my fists in my eyes and bit out a sigh.  My dad and Rome were trying to talk over each other, both trying to get her to retract her awful statements and telling her that none of it was true but it was to no avail.

“Hey, hey everybody stop.  It’s oaky, come on Rome don’t act like you’re shocked.  She always blamed me because I called him that night for a ride, it’s cool I get it.  In fact I blamed myself for a long time too until I realized it could have been a million other reasons.  It was an accident, an accident that took someone we all loved but still an accident.  She could blame the truck driver, she could blame Remy for speeding, she could blame God for the rain or even the doctor in the O.R. for not being good enough at his job but no, she blames me and always will and its fine if that’s what she needs in order to keep it together I can shoulder that load.”  All three of them were looking at me with wide eyes.  It was probably the most I had said to my parents in one sitting in over five years and there was no yelling or no temper tantrums.  “Shaw is a smart girl and has strong convictions so I refuse to let you put your actions and consequences with her on me.  She told you straight up what you needed to do in order to maintain your relationship with her and you refused.  No one is to blame for that but you.”

“You don’t know anything about Shaw.  She is in a totally different league than you; she and Remy were both on a far better path than you ever dreamed to walk.”

I just shook my head sadly and jerked my head toward the door.  “Mom you have no clue.  Shaw’s the most loving, kind, compassionate person in the world she would chew off her own arm before trying to put herself above someone she cares about.  She doesn’t give a flip about this path or that path as long as everyone she loves is going somewhere and at the end they are happy.  I’m outta here.  I have shit to do.  Dad it was good seeing you, surprisingly the first three minutes of this visit were pretty good, Rome I’ll be in the truck.”

I turned to walk back down the stairs and out the front door but her chilly voice stopped me cold.  “Stay away from Shaw, Rule.  You’ll just end up hurting her like you did your brother.”

I wanted to tell her it was way too late for that warning that I was beginning to know Shaw inside and out, that she was becoming a critical part of me but I just met her cold gaze with one that I’m sure held resigned sadness.  “Good luck ever getting her back into the Archer family fold with that kind of attitude mom.  Keep it up and it’ll be a cold day in hell before Shaw ever steps foot in this house again.”

“Why she would choose you over this family is beyond me.”

I gave her the only answer there was.  “Because she thinks I’m worth it.”

I gave Rome a bland look and moved around him being careful to avoid my dad.  I didn’t look back to see if either of them followed me but when I got outside I let out a pent up breath and looked at the street blanketed in snow.  Her words hurt, they always had but instead of feeling self-destructive and alone like I normally did I could fully see now that the issues were all hers and there was nothing I could do to change her mind unless she actively sought out help.  Too much time had passed with me playing the role of the accused for me to offer any form of clarity up to her.

“Son,” I was startled at the sound of my dad’s voice.  He had stopped to grab a jacket but followed me to the driveway.  Rome was nowhere to be seen.  I shifted my feet in the powder and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie.  “We need to talk about this.”

“So much for this always being my home as well, huh dad?”  I regretted it as soon as I said it.  There was still a little boy somewhere deep inside me that wanted his parent’s approval and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get him to shut up.  “Sorry, that was stupid.”

My dad shook his head and for once I saw genuine remorse in his gaze.  “I had no idea it had gotten this bad with your mother, Rule.  I’m not a fan of the crazy hair or the obsessive tattoos all over every part of your body and it bugs me to no end that you purposely dress like a hoodlum just to annoy us but I’ve never blamed you for what happened to Remy.  You were two very different boys, always were but I loved you both the same.  I heard what your mother said at the funeral but I convinced myself it was just grief, just a mother’s overreaction to losing a child too young.  I honestly thought she would find her way clear of the sorrow and depression but after today I see where Rome is coming from.  We need help, she needs help.  I would never ban a child from my home pink hair, blue hair, green hair none of it ultimately matters because I love you and I just want you to be happy and live a good life.  I would prefer you stop aggravating an old man every chance you got while doing it, but I don’t want you to think that I ever wish it was you and not Remy that night.  It should have never happened to this family, but it did and you are absolutely right that it was an accident.”