He was in such a good mood that it didn’t occur to him to worry about getting a midnight phone call. “Hello?”

It didn’t matter that Rachel’s mother spoke in a steady, gentle voice as she relayed that Celeste was in tears—hysterics, really—and that she needed to be picked up. The room started spinning as Matt listened to the voice on the other end of the phone explain that his sister was still on the floor of the bathroom, unable to stop crying or shaking. It also didn’t matter that the other girls were asleep and didn’t know. Nothing mattered except getting to Celeste. He flew downstairs and ran his hands over the small cubby shelves in the kitchen in search of the car keys. He could barely see straight.

“Matt?”

“Where the hell are my keys?” He touched his jean pockets and then scanned the countertops.

“I think they’re hanging by the front door. Where are you going?”

Matt rushed past her, and she followed him into the front hallway.

He snatched the keys from the hook in the foyer and then stopped as he grabbed the door handle, turning around and facing her, furious. “I told you. God damn it, I told you, Julie!” He was screaming at her now.

She took a step back. “What are you talking about?”

“Rachel’s mother just called from the party. Celeste is having a meltdown.”

“What happened?” Julie took her sweatshirt off of the coat rack and started to follow him out. “She seemed so sure of herself.”

“No!” he said pointing at her. “You are not coming with me.” He would be happy never to see her again.

“Matt? Please. I can help. I can talk—”

“No! You did this, I’ll fix it.” If he could. If Celeste wasn’t too far gone. Who knows what happened at the party that sent her spiraling. Matt slammed the door behind him. He couldn’t think clearly, all he could do was react.

He drove calmly, paying careful attention to his driving. Collecting a nearly incapacitated Celeste happened in a daze. The frighteningly loud sobbing that she was able to contain at Rachel’s house erupted in the car, and all he could do was keep her hand in his while he drove and tell her over and over again that everything would be okay. It wouldn’t be okay, but he told her that anyway.

Somehow he was in the house, blowing past Julie, and carrying his sister to her bedroom. He tucked her under the sheets and rubbed her back. Celeste was inconsolable, unable to talk, so he just stayed with her and sat through the awful wails as his rage mounted. Listening to his sister’s agony was nearly intolerable. This was Julie’s fault. Her expectations were careless and thoughtless. She had asked for too much from Celeste, and this was the result.

Later, when Celeste was nearly spent of tears, she rolled to face him. “I am sorry, Matthew. I am so very sorry.” Speaking was a struggle right now, he could see that. Her fragility wrecked him.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re home now, everything is fine.” He wiped the tears on her face with his thumbs. “Take some long, deep breaths. Can you do that for me? Like this.”

She studied his face and inhaled and exhaled along with him, over and over, until she could speak. She even smiled a little. “Sometimes, for instance right now, you look like him. Did you know that?”

Matt shook his head. “No, I don’t. Don’t say that.”

“Yes. You really do. I see it in your eyes. And in the way you tip your head to the side when you are worried. But you can stop worrying now. I feel much better.”

“Good. I’m glad. You should go to sleep now, don’t you think?” He should ask her to tell him what happened. He knew that. But he just couldn’t. He wasn’t equipped for this conversation. Once again, he was helpless.

“Yes, I must sleep, but first I would like to speak to Julie.”

Matt clenched his jaw. “You can talk to her tomorrow.”

“I would like to speak to her now. I need to.”

“If that’s what you want.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’m sorry about all of this. This was a mistake.” Matt took her hand in both of his for a moment as he struggled to find the right words to tell her that he loved her, and that he would do anything to trade places with Finn so that she could have the brother she really loved back with her. There was no way to say that, so he just kept her hand in his for a minute more. “Good night, Celeste.”

The hallway was dimly lit, but it was still easy to see the distress on Julie’s face. Matt didn’t care. She deserved to be miserable.

“Matt? Oh, God. I don’t know what—”

He held up his hand. “Don’t say anything to me. She wants to talk to you.” Matt brushed past her coldly as she carried Flat Finn into Celeste’s room. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms while he began to come undone in his own way. Never had he been this angry with anyone. How had he trusted someone else to step into Celeste’s world? Of the many mistakes he’d made, allowing Julie to push Celeste too far was the worst one of all. Matt leaned against the wall in the hallway, his expression icy and distant.

By the time Julie left Celeste’s bedroom, his rage was barely contained. Matt didn’t even want to look at her. He was disgusted with her and with himself. When she stepped close to him, he snapped. “Stay away from me. I can’t deal with you right now.”

“Matt….”

“I swear to God, don’t talk to me now. Don’t.”

“I’m so sorry. You have no idea.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything from you.”

 “Matt, you know I love Celeste, and I would never have done anything to hurt her.”

“Well, you did.”

“If you would just let me explain again why—”

“You don’t stop, do you? You want to get into this? Fine. Let’s get into it. You thought you could just show up here and insinuate yourself into our lives? You can’t. And you also can’t act like I’m the bad guy. Like everything I do for her is somehow totally brainless.” He moved so that he was facing her, placing his body inches from hers. “I’ve busted my ass to keep Celeste in a stable place, and you just ruined it. You ruined her. God, Julie. You’re here for a few months, and you think that you know what is right for Celeste? Nobody asked you to fix anything. You can’t.” He ran his hands through his hair as he continued to unleash on her, not recognizing his own voice. “You can’t change this. And your constant reminders that you think we’re all completely crazy are not helpful. Do you get that? What is wrong with you? Don’t you have your own life to attend to? Or is this how you make yourself feel better about your crappy father, huh? You excuse the way he treats you for no good reason, and you love him based on nothing more than a few lousy e-mails a year.”

Matt couldn’t stop. He continued his vicious attack, hardly hearing himself or her, and speaking with no filter as he let free every ounce of anger.

When he was done, when he had torn her to the ground, he walked to his bedroom. “Go to hell, Julie.”

He shut the door, turned off the light, and got into bed. Despite the chill, he took off his T-shirt, one that Julie liked, and threw it across the room. It felt like an eternity went by as he lay on his back, in shock over everything that just transpired. Everything that he said. The fear that engulfed him tonight was more than any he’d felt before. Even when Finn died. It wasn’t about fear then, just grief. Deep, merciless grief. The fears around Celeste had built slowly and steadily over time, but they were different from tonight’s. That phone call…. Matt thought his heart might have stopped. And now it wouldn’t stop pounding.

He thought for a while, sorting through the things he yelled at Julie out in the hall. Striking out about her relationship with her father was cruel and unfair. It wasn’t his place, and he shouldn’t have even broached the subject tonight of all nights. Who was he to comment on parent-child relationships? Then he taunted her about Finn, about playing it safe and hiding online. Matt was a hypocrite.