Celeste lay in a heap on the floor, choking on her sobs.

“We can’t have this in the house! It’s not normal, Celeste. You’re not doing this to us! You’re not keeping that!” Matt had no idea how he was forming words right now. His thoughts were fuzzy, all rationale drowned out by the piercing ringing in his head. He cringed as she slammed her hands into the floor over and over.

He took a few steps toward her, and she lunged at him, pushing her fists into his chest as she tried to rush past him to reach Flat Finn. Matt chased her to the front door and reached out reflexively, grabbing her around the waist, pulling her back before she could touch the grotesque cardboard cutout. “Forget it. Consider it gone. This is over.”

“Matty!” she screamed through sobs. “Just this one thing! Let me have him!”

“Absolutely not! Are you kidding me with this?”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME! HE BELONGS TO ME, NOT TO YOU! I GET TO HAVE THIS. MATT! I GET TO HAVE THIS! I DO!”

Matt froze, but kept her in his grasp. He had never heard her like this before. “Celeste….” His voice was softer now. From his own grief. From his own fear.

She spun around and fell into him, hitting his arms hard and still screaming. “YOU HAVE TO LET ME! YOU HAVE TO LET ME! I cannot do this without him! I cannot! I cannot! You must let me have him!” Her knees began to give out, and Matt lowered her to the ground, cradling her while she cried. He could feel her struggling to breathe. “I need to feel better. Help me, Matty. Please.”

Matt held her tightly while he tried to pull himself together. “Okay. It’s okay. Everything will be fine. You’ll keep Flat Finn.” Her breathing eased. “You’ll keep him.”

They stayed on the floor together as Celeste recovered. As they both recovered. She lay down, using his lap as a pillow, and Matt wiped her face dry with his hands.

Matt was too scared to say anything else, but finally she looked over at Flat Finn, towering above them, and spoke. “I know that your initial assessment of him is not exactly stupendous, but I truly believe that he is going to find a place in your heart. He means a great deal to me. I have missed Finn so profoundly, and it is reassuring to have him back.”

“Honey,” Matt started. “That’s not….”

“I am fully aware that is not the real Finn. He is a placeholder. Like when a child has a favorite blanket, Flat Finn will be my security object. Only with more character than an unhygienic, unattractive, dirty fabric scrap.”

Matt just nodded.

“I want to talk about Finn right now,” she said.

“Okay.” He paused. “Let’s talk about Finn.”

“Where do you think that Finn would be now? He was going to travel, remember? Mom and Dad were going to be furious, correct? They would not have been pleased that he was going to spend a full year exploring the world instead of studying at college, but I think that it would have been thoroughly fascinating. Do you remember what he planned for this adventure?”

“I do.”

“If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that Finn would quite likely be in Portugal right now.”

Matt took her hand in his. “And what would he be doing there?”

“A strenuous bike tour through indescribably beautiful landscapes.” She shut her eyes. “Where would he go next?”

“After he’d romanced all the available women?”

Celeste laughed softly. “Yes.”

“Finland, of course.”

“He would not! You are very funny, but that location was not on his list.”

“Fine. Then he would go to the Netherlands.”

“And next winter he would ski in Austria. I know that would be a favorite of his. Can we go online later and look at pictures?”

“Sure. That would be fun.”

Celeste rolled onto her side, letting him rub her back. “Tell me more, Matty. Tell me about all the adventures that Finn would have. I like how you describe things. Can you do that for me?”

Matt smiled. “I can do that. Sure. I’ll do whatever you need.” He took a deep breath. “Well, Mali has a number of volunteer opportunities….”

Staying

Flat-Out Love, Chapter 8, Matt’s Point of View (MPOV)

Matt Watkins This status update is way too condescending. That means it's talking down to you, you may not have known that.

Finn is God Ugh. Is there a shorter word that means “uncooperative” and can be spelled with letters cut out from an assortment of magazines? Getting really tired here.

Julie Seagle Everything should be open 24 hours a day, all the time. I can't be expected to know in advance when I'm going to need anything.

Matt took his time walking home. Even though he had a ton of work to do that night, even though his messenger bag was now cutting deeply into his shoulder after the T was delayed, and even though he was starving and desperately wanted to scrounge for food, he wasn’t eager to get home. She was there. Julie. The girl who had invaded their family and disrupted the delicate balance Matt had fought so hard to establish.

Her presence here was a reminder of everything Matt had lost. They were all lying about Finn again, the way they always did to those who didn’t already know. He’s off traveling, that wild boy! Such an adventurer and humanitarian! It was really disgusting. If it weren’t for Celeste’s fragile state, Matt wouldn’t put up with this, much less actively participate. Julie being here made their dysfunction all the more pronounced. The way she responded to Flat Finn’s presence was so kind—and Julie was so smart—that it was certain she must look at them all with utter dismay. What made it all worse was that she had an appeal that tugged at a distant part of him, although he was fully aware she would never look at him with any hint of a romantic overtone. That was just a fact. Maybe a few years ago it could have been different, because Matt had been different, but certainly not now. Nor did it really matter because Matt didn’t have the desire, nor the capability, for anything outside of what he was already dealing with. Julie would be gone in a few days, and they could go back to hiding out in their controlled, insulated world.

As much as having her around threatened the equilibrium of the household, Matt would miss Julie. That didn’t make sense, considering he’d only known her for a few days, but he couldn’t deny that she had an energy and light about her that brought Celeste noticeable happiness. No, perhaps not happiness, exactly. But he saw a spark in Celeste that he hadn’t seen in a long time. Watching the two of them on the couch the other night while they went through Julie’s course book and photos on her computer terrified him, but he also saw Celeste press Julie for interaction in a rather wonderful way. His terror had more to do with how Julie was going to respond to this kid who carted around a cardboard brother. The truth was that Julie’s ability to navigate so seamlessly around the Flat Finn issue ticked him off. How she was able to relate so well to Celeste (well, and to Flat Finn) seemed profoundly unfair after Matt had done everything that he could for his sister with minimal progress. Plus, it was plain embarrassing. What Julie must think of them all ….

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts as he walked up the steps to the gray house just off Brattle Street in Cambridge. It was impossible to come home and not have a moment of pain. There would always be the split second of anticipation that Finn would be there. That he might come bounding down the stairs to tackle Matt in a spontaneous wrestling match, or that his music might be blasting so loudly from his room that the entire house would tremble from the booming bass. Matt would probably never get over it, but each day he had a touch of happiness in that moment of blind hope. He shook his head again.