I can’t bring myself to look at him, and I chastise myself, having known that this was going to happen eventually.

He lifts my chin again, making me look at him. “Lucy…” he whispers, and I close my eyes, not wanting this to happen but knowing it has to. “This isn’t going anywhere, is it?”

I want to tell him that he’s wrong, but deep down, I know he’s not. A part of me saddens from knowing that I’m about to say goodbye to Aidan, but Kale’s still in the back of my mind, and I’m still trying not to mentally freak out about not knowing where he is.

Looking up at him, I meet his eyes, knowing that I owe him that much. “I…don’t think so, Aidan.” I tightly close my eyes, trying to figure out what to say. When I open them back up, I see his sad eyes staring into mine. “I care about you. I really do. And I love spending time with you. But at the end of the day, I find myself thinking about someone else. And that’s unfair to you. I know I’m a total asshole for leading you on, but I promise you, Aidan, my feelings for you are real, and when we started dating, I thought I was ready for this. I guess I was just fooling myself. Right now, all I can focus on is the fact that he’s missing, and every moment I’m with you, I’m thinking of him, worrying about where he is and why I haven’t heard from him.”

I wish I could shut myself up. I can’t believe I just said that to him. And with the way he’s looking at me, I don’t think he can either.

He stands up from the couch, separating himself from me. I watch as he paces a few times, rubbing his hand over his hair. Finally, he stops to look back at me. His chest heaves as he takes a deep breath.

“You know, Lucy, I appreciate your honesty, but it would’ve been nice to have known this months ago instead of letting you waste my time. You think Drew’s such a bad guy? Look in the mirror. Sure, you may not have fucked anyone else behind my back, but you sure did fuck with my heart. Is there really a lesser of two evils?”

The impact of his words hits me like a ton of bricks, and I know he’s right. As much as I’ve admonished Drew, am I really any better than him? Looking up, I see him watching me, and I hesitate, which is all he needs to continue.

“That’s what I thought. Lucy, I want to be with you, but I can’t accept only part of you. It’s clear that I’ll never have all of you, and that just won’t work.” He scoffs, and I cringe, knowing that this is it. “I’d say it was fun while it lasted, but truth be told? I’m happy to get off this rollercoaster ride. I truly, sincerely hope he’s okay. And if he is? Get off your fucking ass and tell him how you feel so you don’t put another guy through the ringer and make him goddamn miserable the way you’ve done me.”

“Aidan—” I start, but he holds his hand up, causing me to shut up.

“Lucy, there’s really nothing left to say. I should’ve seen this coming all along. Take care of yourself,” he says, and without another thought, he quietly exits my apartment.

Sinking back into my couch, I reflect on what just happened. Strangely, relief washes over me, and I know that Aidan was right. I was so unfair to him, and this was going to end eventually. I just wish I’d done it much sooner, especially when Kale mentioned that he cared about me.

My thoughts drift to him, and panic flows through my veins. Something’s wrong, and with each day that passes, I grow more terrified when I don’t hear from him. The thought of losing Kale is nearly unbearable, and as if it’s a sign, all thoughts of Aidan evaporate, leaving me to wonder why I ever thought I was ready for this, to let anyone in my heart when I don’t even know what it wants.

Kale

I TAP my fingers on my leg, anxiously waiting for this briefing to end. It’s been a little over two weeks since the explosion. Since I was so close to being done with my deployment, the doctors decided that, after initial surgery to remove the bullet from my shoulder, I could be sent back to the States with McAllister and Wellington. Both sustained much more serious injuries than I did, and last I heard, Wellington was still in a medically induced coma.

It’s been a fucking whirlwind two weeks, and other than my mom, I’ve haven’t had a chance to talk to anyone, not even Lucy. I probably could’ve stolen a moment somewhere along the way to get ahold of her, but knowing she’s with someone, I didn’t want to cause her any unnecessary stress, especially since I’m going to heal up just fine. I would’ve liked to have sent her a quick message, but after days spent in the hospital and then traveling, I was never able to find a computer to log onto. She knows I can go outside the wire and be unable to communicate, but the longest we’ve ever gone is a week. I’m hoping, begrudgingly, that she’s been too busy to worry herself with my disappearing act. However, I hope he hasn’t been too consuming of her time. Now that I’m back at Fort Campbell, I’m anxious to get out of this damn briefing so I can go see her with my own two eyes.

They say that your life flashes before your eyes, and even though I knew I wasn’t dying, I swear there was a split second of an almost out-of-body—or perhaps mind—experience when the explosion occurred. In all reality, it was probably just the bomb blast, but part of me saw that damn mind flash, but it was different than what most people describe. There was no quickly running highlight reel of all the good times in my life. Instead, I was greeted by the faces of those I care about the most. Mom, Kalli, my other sister Kaylie. Lily. And at the end, Lucy.

I’ve had two weeks to process it. In the end, I’m not surprised she was on my mind, that she was a part of that list. The longer I was in Afghanistan, the longer I was away from her, the more I began to realize how much I care about her and how important she’s become in my life. And that right there is precisely why I’ve decided not to mess with her relationship. As much as I want to sweep her off her feet, I also don’t want to push her away, and trying to get between her and her man might do just that. After having been gone for so long and her essentially moving on—if you can even call it that since we were never dating—I can’t expect her to fall into my arms the moment she sees me. Even if I wish that’s exactly what she’ll do.

Don’t get me wrong. I have every intention of making her mine, but until I know she’s ready—hell, until I’m sure that I’m even ready—I’ll bide my time and continue to be her best friend. Will it suck watching her with someone else? Fuck yes. Will it be unbearable being so close to her and not being able to touch her skin, feel her breasts, enjoy the warmth of her pussy as I slide into her like I’ve done so many times? Un-fucking-bearable, and I see a lot of cold showers in my future. That being said, I know that in the end it’ll be more than worth it. Waiting for her will be worth it. At least that’s what I’ll continue to tell myself.

Lucy

“BYE, MS. Dawson!” chimed several sweet, high-pitched voices as I watched my students start to board their various school buses. Waving, I turn around and head back to my classroom, ready to get a few lesson plans worked out before I head home for the weekend.

Charlie’s still staying with me, and she keeps asking if I’m okay about splitting with Aidan. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it all. She’s been focusing on my breakup in an effort to forget about her own, and right now, I’m not ready to go home to more questions.

After settling in at my desk, I do the same thing I’ve done excessively, at least ten times a school day—I check my email. My heart falls when I see the empty inbox. I shake my head, knowing I should be used to this. I go through my whole routine of telling myself that Kale’s fine. He’s just out on a mission and he hasn’t been able to get in touch. No big deal. Everything’s fine. My thoughts are interrupted when my phone chimes, and I groan when I see a text from Aidan asking if he can come get some things he left at my place. After typing out a quick response agreeing to it, I set my phone down.