I present myself to the mirror, but I don’t look much better after my attempts to make myself appear better. My eyes are probably matching Jesse’s on the hollow scale and the empty feeling that’s been lingering since last Sunday has not been filled by Jesse’s presence. Maybe I’ve got all of this wrong. Maybe I am better walking away because I certainly don’t feel any better for being here. I sigh at my reflection, willing it to give me some answers, but I know the only place I can find the answers I’m looking for is sat downstairs feasting on peanut butter. I grab my bag and make my way down to him.

He’s asleep. I look at him sat on the sofa, one leg up, one hanging off the edge, his palm resting on his chest. His mouth is slightly parted and his lashes are flickering. I leave him, taking myself to the kitchen to down my pill and use the time to send a quick text to Kate, letting her know all is fine, even though it’s not, and then I ring my brother. With all that’s happened, I forgot I’m supposed to be seeing him today.

‘Ava?’

‘Dan!’ It’s so good to hear his voice. ‘Where are you?’

‘Well, the hotel I was booked into let me down, so I’m staying with Harvey.’ he teases.

I ignore his little dig. He doesn’t care that he’s had to find somewhere else to crash. He hated Matt. ‘How are Mum and Dad?’ I ask.

‘Worried,’ he states flatly.

I knew they would be. ‘They needn’t be.’

‘Yeah, well, they are. And me too. Where are you?’

Shit!

Where am I? I can hardly tell him exactly where I am and with who. ‘Kate’s,’ I lie. It’s not like he’ll be talking to her or visiting her to discover the truth. And anyway, Mum knows I’m supposed to be at Kate’s and I’m certain she would have told him. Is he testing me?

Silence falls down the phone line at the mention of Kate’s name. ‘I see,’ he says shortly. ‘Still?’

Oh, the detachment in his voice. They haven’t seen each other for years, but time, it would appear, is not a healer. ‘It’s just temporary, Dan. I’m looking for somewhere as we speak.’ Actually, as we speak, I’m sitting in the penthouse of Lusso waiting for the Sex Lord of The Manor – who has a raging hangover and with whom I’m in love with – to wake up so I can take him to the hospital and get his hand seen to – the one that he put through a window because I pissed him off. I start pacing around the kitchen island.

‘Have you spoken to that twat of an ex?’ he asks. The spite in his voice is palpable.

‘No, but I’ve heard he’s been in touch with Mum and Dad. That’s very nice of him.’

‘Fucking prick. We need to talk about this. Mum filled me in on her little chat with Matt. I know he’s a snake, but Mum’s worried. It didn’t help you not coming down to Newquay.’

‘I rang,’ I defend myself.

‘Yeah, and I know you’ve not given her the whole story. What’s with this new man?’

I freeze mid-pace. That’s a good question. ‘Dan, there are some things you can’t tell your parents.’

‘Yes, but you can tell your brother.’ he says firmly.

‘Can I?’ I blurt. I highly doubt that. Big brother would probably join my Dad in the heart attack ward. This is the reason I didn’t go to Newquay; interrogation and nagging. I will have to face up to it eventually, but not now. I’ve never been so glad that my parents live so far away.

‘Yes, you can. So, when can I see you?’ he asks, chirping up a little.

See me or squeeze me for information? ‘Tomorrow?’ I try.

‘I thought we were doing today?’ He sounds so disappointed.

So am I. I really want to see him, but I really don’t too. ‘I’m sorry. I’m looking at a few places to rent, and then I’ve got stacks of drawings to finalise.’ I lie again, but I couldn’t possibly muster up the strength to appear reasonably normal in such a short space of time. Maybe by tomorrow I’ll have dragged myself out of my hole of depression and uncertainty. I very much doubt it, but at least I have time to try.

‘Great, we’ll make a day of it.’ he confirms my fears.

A whole day of evading his questions? ‘Okay, ring me in the morning.’ I say, and secretly hope he goes out with all of his mates tonight and suffers a dreadful hangover which delays his call to me. I need time.

‘Sure thing. See you tomorrow, kid.’ He hangs up.

I start thinking of ways to get around this and after an hour of aimless pacing around the penthouse, I come up with none. I can’t avoid him forever.

The intercom phone system chimes and I answer it to Clive. ‘Ava, the maintenance man is on his way up to fix the door. Oh, and Mr Ward’s window has been replaced.’

‘Thank you, Clive.’ I hang up and make my way to the door.

I answer to an old boy, who is already inspecting the damage. ‘You have a rhino ram-raid you?’ he asks, scratching his head.

‘Something like that.’ I mutter.

‘I can secure it for now, but it’ll need replacing. I’ll get it on order and let you know when it arrives.’ he says, placing his tool box on the floor.

‘Thanks,’ I leave him chipping chunks of splintered wood off the doorframe and turn to find Jesse half asleep, looking suspiciously at the door.

‘What’s going on?’ he asks.

‘John had a fight with your front door when you didn’t open it.’ I inform him dryly.

His eyebrows shoot up, but then he looks worried. ‘I should ring him.’

‘How are you feeling?’ I ask, assessing him and concluding that he looks a bit brighter after an hour power napping.

‘Better. You?’

‘Fine, I’ll get my bag.’ I sidestep him and make my way past.

His hand flies out and grabs my arm. ‘Ava.’

I halt and wait for a follow up, any words that are going to make this all better, but I get nothing, just his heat seeping into my flesh from his harsh grip of my arm. I look up at him and find him watching me, but he still doesn’t open his mouth.

I sigh heavily and pull myself free, but then I remember my car isn’t here. ‘Shit.’ I curse quietly.

‘Watch your mouth, Ava. What’s up?’

‘My car’s at Kate’s.’

‘We’ll take mine.’

‘You can’t drive one handed.’ I turn to face him. His driving scares the shit out of me at the best of times.

‘I know. You can drive.’ He tosses his keys at me, and I panic slightly. He trusts me to drive a car worth more than one hundred and sixty thousand pounds?

Holy shit!

‘Ava, you’re driving like Miss Daisy. Will you put your foot down?’ Jesse moans.

I throw him a scowl, which he chooses to ignore. The accelerator is so sensitive, and I feel so small behind the wheel. I’m scared to death I’m going to scratch it. ‘Shut up.’ I snap, before doing as I’m told and roaring off down the road. It’s his tough shit if I do bump someone.

‘That’s better.’ He looks at me and smiles. ‘It’s easier to handle if you’re not pussy footing around on the power.’

I could pin that statement on him. He is right, though, but I’m not telling him so. Instead, I concentrate on the road and getting him to the hospital in one piece.

After three hours in Minor Injuries and an x-ray, the doctor has confirmed that Jesse’s hand is not broken, but he has some muscle damage.

‘Have you been resting it?’ The nurse asks, ‘If it’s been a few days since you incurred the injury, I would expect the swelling to have subsided by now.’

Jesse looks at me guiltily as the nurse wraps his hand in a bandage. ‘No,’ he says quietly.

No, he’s been clenching bottles of vodka in it.

‘You should have been,’ she reprimands him, ‘And it should be elevated.’

I raise my eyebrows at him and he rolls his eyes while the nurse puts his arm in a sling before sending us on our way. As we get to the entrance, he removes the sling and chucks it in the litter bin.

‘What are you doing?’ I gasp, watching him walk out of the hospital doors.