He wanted to let her. God, he wanted everything she had described and more. He wanted to give her things she’d never even thought to ask for.

And for a split second, with her looking at him the way she was, he believed he could have it all with her.

“Do you want that life with me?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Two answers bubbled up into his throat simultaneously—the sincere one and the safe one—and Danny felt like he was choking on their scuffle.

Leah’s gentle eyes implored him for a response, but he couldn’t open his mouth, too afraid that the wrong answer would escape.

Instead, he nodded.

The tension in her shoulders melted instantly as her eyes pooled with tears.

“But Leah,” he said quickly, “I can’t make you promises like that. I don’t know who’s gonna be coming home to you.”

Danny ran his hands up through his hair; he could feel the words backing up in his throat, clogging like a traffic jam of candid statements desperately seeking an outlet.

And all at once, he lost the will to inhibit them anymore.

“This place, Leah,” he said, shaking his head. “I feel myself bending to it. Every day, I bend a little more. I’m doing my best. I’m learning how to manage my thoughts, and I’m trying so hard to keep myself…me.” He looked up at her. “But some days, no matter what I do…it’s just not enough. And I just don’t know how many times I can bend before I break.”

“But it’s okay if you bend,” she said earnestly. “It’s okay if you break. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want that,” he said with a firm shake of his head.

“Don’t want what?”

“I don’t want you to see it. Or to wait for me only to learn at the end of all this that I’ve become someone you can’t see yourself with anymore. It’s so much harder than I thought to be away from you all. And sometimes I just…I go to a dark place, and I’m not even me anymore. I don’t want you to have to deal with it. I’m not going to ask you to wait this out when I can’t guarantee you’ll be happy when it’s over. This is an ugly clusterfuck of a ride, Leah. And I don’t want you to be a passenger.”

Danny could feel his heart thrumming as he looked across the table at her. He had thought it would be humiliating to admit how he felt, but there was an odd sort of comfort in confessing his fears—like the weight of the burden had somehow lessened simply because he had allowed it outside of his body.

“Why did you sit in the room with Bryan when he died?”

Danny felt a tingle run down his spine. “What?” he asked, startled.

“Why did you go in when they turned everything off and let him go?” she asked. “Better yet, why did you go visit him, day after day, with all of those horrible tubes and machines attached to his body? When all the doctors said there was no hope. That he couldn’t even hear you. Why did you do it?”

A heaviness settled in his stomach, quickly transitioning into a wrenching pain.

“Because he…because I…” Danny shook his head and trailed off, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“I know exactly why,” she said gently, reaching over and pulling one of his hands away from his face. He dropped the other to the table as she intertwined their fingers, running her thumb over the side of his hand. “It’s the same reason I sat with my father every night for two weeks, praying by his bedside. It’s the same reason Holly and Robyn have been taking turns coming to my apartment every day for the past month, despite the fact that I’ve been miserable and wretched and depressing to be around.”

She gave his hand a tiny squeeze. “Because when you love someone, you don’t bail when it gets hard. That’s when you stay the most.”

It felt like his throat was closing.

“And it’s not always easy,” she said, running her thumb over his hand again. “It’s hard to watch someone you care about suffer. But when you love someone, you do it. You do it without question or reservation. You do it because there’s no other option—because the thought of being without them is a hundred times more excruciating than bearing their burden.” She leaned over and brought his hand to her mouth, kissing the back of it before she said, “And I love you, Danny. You made it so easy to fall in love with you. You’re funny, and loyal, and patient, and selfless.” Her eyes welled with tears. “And you’re considerate, and honest, and intelligent, and compassionate. And you were able to become all of those things—to maintain all of those things—in the face of all the shit life handed you.” She smiled a watery smile. “And I know that’s who you’re still going to be when you come back to me.”

She released his hand to swipe at the tears on her cheeks. “So that’s me, being honest with you,” she said with a sniffle. “There’s no doubt we’re both going to suffer through this. I’ve always known that. Some days will be bearable and some will be completely miserable. But I’ve made my decision. I know what I’m up against, and I know what I want. I want you. And I want us. I want our life together.”

It felt like his heart might come out of his chest; like a strange current was running through his body, making his breath erratic and his muscles feel like they were humming.

“My father once told me that if something seems too hard, before you give up, you should always ask yourself if the reward will be worth the suffering.” She took a deep breath. “So I guess what it comes down to…what I need to know…is whether or not I’m worth the suffering to you.”

Danny rested his elbows on the table and dropped his forehead to his clasped hands. He could feel his chin trembling, and he inhaled slowly, trying to pull himself back together.

The magnificence and purity of her love for him—the all-consuming force of it—could break him and heal him simultaneously. It could destroy him and piece him back together, better than he was before.

And it could restore his faith faster than this place could take it.

Danny remembered wondering once how anyone could keep his head above water here. And suddenly he realized—this was how. When you have something to hold on to. A reason to fight every day. A beautiful lifeline pulling you through to the other side.

The guys who don’t have it—or the ones who are foolish enough to let go—those are the guys that go under.

He thought he could save her by letting her go, but he’d had it all backward.

She wasn’t the one who needed saving this time.

“Leah,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I could suffer through anything if you were my reward.”

A smile curved her lips before she cupped her hand over her mouth and burst into tears.

Danny was out of his seat in an instant, walking around to her side of the table, and she stood, throwing her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the floor and buried his face in her hair.

“My sweet girl,” he whispered.

Her sob was muffled against the side of his neck, and he reached up and ran his hand over the back of her hair, glancing over at the guard standing by the door. He was watching them before his eyes found Danny’s.

For a moment, they just looked at each other.

And then the guard gave him a knowing look, followed by a quick nod. He shifted his body, focusing his attention on the other side of the room.

So Danny got to hold her for a few more seconds than was permitted.

The most enriching and restorative seconds of his entire life.

“Thank you,” Leah said as she reached for the glass of Pinot Grigio the waiter handed her, immediately bringing it to her lips.

“Another for you, miss?” he asked, looking at Alexis.

She eyed Leah before she smiled up at him sweetly. “No, thank you, I’m fine.”

“Okay then. Your food will be right out,” he said before he turned and left the table.