I huffed and shook my head. I might have had something to give, but I couldn’t figure out how to give it without destroying the person I wanted to give it to.

She said, “People like you and me, kids who grew up fighting for every single ounce of love that came our way . . . When we find that person we want to love, we give them a pure and boundless form of it because we know what it’s like to be denied it. We know the opposite of love so well, we go a full one-eighty when we find that special someone.”

I gave Rowen a half-smile. “And how does your ‘special someone’ feel about that pure and boundless love of yours?”

“Pretty fucking fantastic. Something your special someone never got the chance to feel because you acted like a giant. Ass. Hole.”

“You know what the nice thing is about being at a zero in the self-esteem department?” I asked with some sarcasm. “Not being able to go any lower when you fire insults off at me.”

“I’m not trying to insult you. I’m trying to knock, beat, shake, or bitch slap some sense into you.”

“So yeah, you’ve got a point. I behaved like a giant asshole, but I had to. It was the only way she’d let me go. Now that she has, she can find someone else to experience that boundless love shit with. She’ll find it with someone else,” I said, ending in almost a whisper.

“With someone else? Who the hell do you think Josie’s ever going to find that she’s going to be happy with if it’s not you?” Rowen looked like she was considering thumping me on the back of the head, so I scooted farther down the bench. “Colt Mason? Some other sweet country boy who bores her to tears?” I shrugged. “Puh-lease. The only boy Josie’s going to be happy with is you, and if she chooses to settle down with someone else, she’s just going to be pretending.”

“According to you,” I replied. I wondered if they’d let me ride again. That would at least get me out of having that conversation with Rowen. I’d rather eat another dozen mouthfuls of dirt than talk about Josie and what her future would be like with some other man.

“According to her, you giant—”

“Ass. Hole,” I filled in. “Yeah, I caught that the first fifty times.” And then what she’d said set in. “Josie said that? She actually told you the only person she’d be happy with is me?”

“Would it change your mind if I told you the truth?” She crossed her legs and swung her foot, waiting.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.” It was an honest answer, but not the one she’d been hoping for.

“Listen, Black, I know you love her. I also know you’ve never told her that, and based on the coward’s way out you’ve taken, you likely never will. That’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, especially since you’ve loved her for so long.” Rowen wagged her finger at me, narrowing her eyes in a way that gave away she had been spending lots of time with Josie.

“It took me a little longer to figure out that Josie loves you too because she doesn’t act like the total idiot you do when she’s around. But I know she does, and I know she has for a while. I don’t know if that love started before or after Jesse and her split up, but I know it’s been there for a long time. Why the hell are you just throwing that all away without giving it a chance? If the love you two have has lasted this long while you’ve acted like you hate each, why wouldn’t it last if you tried actually showing that love to each other?” She stopped just long enough to suck in a breath. “Why don’t you give it a chance? A real one?” I exchanged a look with her. One that didn’t need words to explain. “Oh yeah, that’s right. Thinking about yourself again. What a surprise.”

So I guess the look I’d given her did need to be explained. “I’m thinking about everyone but myself, for Christ’s sake.” I pulled off my leather gloves and tossed them so far I didn’t see where they landed. “Haven’t you heard? I’m a virus. The kind who can’t help but infect everyone around me.”

Rowen nodded, giving me almost a . . . sympathetic look. That was a first. “So that’s what her dad told you, eh? That you’re a virus? One who’s going to ruin his precious daughter? Blah, blah, blah . . .” Rowen rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Yeah, that was about the gist of it. Along with lots of that blah, blah, blah stuff, too.” I looked over at her from the corner of my eyes, and when I found her doing the same thing, we laughed. That was the first damn laugh I’d had in two months, and even though it was over in two seconds, it felt good. It felt. Which meant my numb shell was cracking. I couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing.

“You know what, Garth?”

“I don’t know much,” I mumbled.

She shook her head. “Screw what her dad thinks. This is your life to live. And that’s her life to live. You only get one go around, so makes some mistakes, love who you want to love, and forget the rest.” Rowen jumped up from the bleacher about halfway through her speech.

“Screw her parents? Is that something I should shout in the middle of a family dinner? Screw you, Mr. and Mrs. Gibson. I love your daughter and she loves me and I want her to have my babies, but first I want to make wild love to her like a man on death row.”

Rowen laughed with me again. “You might not want to say screw you at the dinner table because that’s just rude, but I think you’re good to go with the rest.”

“Shit, Rowen,” I said as my laughter dimmed, “what are you really doing here?” I couldn’t tell if she was trying to get me to come back, or admit I was wrong, or if she wanted me to get on the phone and apologize to Josie. She could have been there for all of those reasons, plus a few dozen more.

“For a whole lot of reasons.” Of course. Figures. She came toward me, stopping in front of me. “I’m here to remind you of a promise you made to your best friend to be his best man. The wedding’s at seven. Be there early. In something presentable preferably. No wedding gift required. And if you don’t make it, no big deal—don’t even sweat it. I’ll just rip your balls off later.” She said that with a straight face, and I knew better than to think she was bluffing. My hands automatically covered my dick. “I’m here to remind you that you left Neil and Rose with no notice and short-handed, and they’re already having to run that place without Jesse. You owe them an apology in the least, but returning for the summer and working your ass off would be better.” I felt like I was being lectured, but I understood why—I was being lectured. “And I’m here to remind you that your other best friend—you know, the one who admitted she loved you but you were too chicken-shit to admit you loved back . . . that person? You didn’t only break her heart, you crushed her.” Rowen lowered her face until she was at eye level with me. “Fix it.”

I saw a pattern evolving with the couple of women I’d let past my walls. They had a way of fucking up my mind good. Josie first, and now Rowen. I needed time to digest everything she’d just said. I couldn’t just respond to all that after a moment’s thought. Finally, I cleared my throat and shook my head to clear it. “Anything else, Ms. Sterling-soon-to-be-Mrs. Walker?”

“Mrs. Sterling-Walker,” she corrected.

“Ah, hell. You’re actually doing the hyphenated name thing? Sterling-Walker?” I clapped and chuckled. “What did Jesse think of that decision?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” she replied with a shrug. “It was his idea.”

“Pussy-whipped, bleeding heart—”

Rowen leaned back down again and patted my cheek. “You can deny it all you want, but we all know you’ve been a member of that club for a while.” I glowered as she headed for the parking lot. “Oh, you know, there was something else.” She snapped and glanced back. “I’m here to remind you that you’re an asshole and to order you to stop being such a giant one. Give it a rest, Black. It’s getting old.” Shooting me a smile, she continued on. “See you in two days.”