Chapter Twelve

The Present

 “What is it like twenty degree’s outside?” I shiver and rub my arms. It is our last day and a ball of dread has taken up residence in my stomach.

“Try fifty,” he says handing me a Styrofoam cup of coffee.

  I frown and climb back inside the tent to pack. I am folding clothes when I hear his voice.

“Olivia, we need to talk,” I peer over my shoulder suspiciously. He is spinning his thumb ring—always a bad sign.

I sigh. Is this about the phone? I wondered.

“Sure.”  I am balancing on the very lip of disaster and I can feel our time sliding through my fingers like sand. I remember that creepo, rapist’s warning outside of the music shop; You should get home before it’s too late. The sky’s red with trouble. Red, red, red…like Leah’s hair.

I follow him outside, my coffee still in hand. He leans on the hood of his car.

“What’s up?” I try to be nonchalant as I sidle up next to him.

“What’s going on here, Olivia? What are we doing?”

“Camping,” I declare, which doesn’t even earn me half of a smile.

What does he want me to say? What’s safe?

“We are…I don’t know Caleb. What do you want me to say?”

He shakes his head. He looks disappointed. Am I supposed to spill my guts? Before I can open my lying mouth, he beats me to it.

“You can’t think of anything to say?” he quizzes. I shake my head. Why do I always lie? For real, it’s like a disease.

“All right then…” He does the unexpected, instead of pushing me for more, he starts packing up our things; sleeping bags, clothes, Pickles. They all get tossed into the car, one by one, two by two, and all I could do is watch with my mouth open. But then what could I say? I want to be with you Caleb. These few days have been the stuff of dreams. I love you more every second I’m with you.

 I am in a corner. I reluctantly get into the car and stuff my cold hands under my armpits. Caleb turns the music all the way up and ignores me. I am so mad. I think about things I can say to piss him off but I am too chicken to carry any of them out. The old Caleb had a hot temper, and if this guy had inherited it, I don’t want to find out.

The hills became flatland, as Georgia melts into Florida.

I turn down the volume as we cruise through Tallahassee and turn my body until I am half facing him.

“Caleb…talk to me.”

 I see a muscle in his jaw twitch, but other than that he gives me nada.

“Please—talk to me,” I try. This is going to be harder than I expect. New tactic.

“Why are you being so sensitive? I don’t say what you want to hear and now you’re sulking?”

That does it. He takes the exit, swerving to the right at the last minute. I hear a grunt from Pickles as she’s thrown across the backseat.

We are in the middle of nowhere and there is only trees and road ahead of us. Caleb zooms into the gates of what looks like a park. There are only three parking spaces and they are all deserted. He pulls into one and jerks on the brake. This place is really creepy. I fidget nervously and look at his face.

“What are we doing?” he asks again.

“I…” I look out of the window desperate for an escape. He’s trying to get me to talk about my feelings, something I can’t do with all of the lying going on.  Despite my fear of the dark, I jump out of the car.

“Where are you going?” he demands, opening his door and following suit. Before I have the door shut, he walks around to where I am and corners me.

I try to push past him but he presses me against the door with his body and puts both hands on either side of my head. We are nose to nose, as he seethes at me.

“What. Are. We. Doing?” he demands.

I squirm, but there is nowhere to go. I place both of my hands on his chest. Why is he trying to milk this out of me anyway? I’d swear this is the old Caleb, not the gentle little fawn I’ve been dealing with.

“Okay, okay. But, you have to get out of my personal space…”

He relents a few inches and I use the opportunity to duck under his arm.

I ignore his calls and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. I am heading into complete darkness, but it seems better than the alternative. I need to think for a minute. I walk until I can no longer hear the hum of the highway. I am in the woods—no, I am in an orange grove. I recognize the fragrant white flowers that are peppering the trees. They smell like Caleb, of course, because everything in my freaking life has to be about Caleb? I kick a tree.

I can hear feet moving in the dirt behind me, so I stop. Might as well tell him everything now, so I square my shoulders and prepare to fight.

Caleb walks out of the darkness like a beautiful ghost. When he catches sight of me, he stops short. We stare at each other and then I cross my arms over my chest.

“What are we doing?” I repeat his question. “I am trying to escape my miserable, lonely life. I…” I take a deep breath before I continue. “I am a liar and a wicked person. I’ve lied to you, I—”

It takes him three seconds to reach where I am standing. I hear myself gasp as he pins me against a tree. He is inches from my face, his arms braced on the trunk to block my escape.

“Stop,” he says. “Just stop.”

I look at his eyes and look away. Why is he making everything so hard? I just want to get it out already…

"Look at me," he demands.

  I do.

"You're making excuses and you’re playing games with me," he says.

"No—I…"

"Yes. You. Are. I don’t care what you’ve done. Just tell me how you feel."

He looks so angry I shrink back against the tree until I felt the bark digging into my back. He wants an honest answer, but I’m pretty sure you have to be an actual honest person to give one of those. I lick my lips, thinking…thinking. I have a million thoughts a day and they’re all about Caleb. All I have to do is make them come out of my mouth.

“I want you to kiss me.”

He doesn’t look surprised.

“What else?”

His lips— all I can see are his lips, so full and sensual. My breath is coming embarrassingly fast.

If I just lean a little bit forward, our lips will touch. But, I know from years of experience that he won’t give me what I want, until I give him what he wants.

My stubbornness kicks in. I turn my head to the side. He steers it back with a little swipe of his finger.

"Olivia...." he warns. His eyes are gunning holes in my head. I can feel the heat of his chest beneath my fingertips, and I know that his heart is beating fast like mine.

"Say it, Olivia. For once, damn-it, say it." He is looking at my lips-waiting. I think about lying. I don’t like how direct he’s suddenly become. I was perfectly comfortable playing games.

"I want…you to…” I search for the word and can’t find it. “Can you just kiss me first and then we’ll see how I feel?”

He does this thing where he puts his tongue between his teeth. He looks at my mouth like he’s considering it. I almost keel over on the spot.

He moves his hands, resting one forearm on the tree above my head and wrapping the other around my waist.

We are face to face with our foreheads touching. My breath is coming fast, my chest heaving in anticipation. I am a cliché; butterflies, tingling and heat swirling through me in the strongest form of desire I have ever experienced.

 I have two fistfuls of his shirt, and I clench tighter. "What are you waiting for?"