Devon gasped.  She didn’t know why.  She knew that was the reason Hadley was here, but saying it out loud sounded so much worse.

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she was suddenly glad that she was outside the room.  All the adrenaline from getting to Hadley was wearing off, and she felt exhausted.

Brennan’s arms wrapped around her, and she leaned into him, thankful that he was here, that he hadn’t gone into work.  He kissed the top of her head, and he held her in his arms as she cried through the pain.  She was crying for more than Hadley, but the knowledge of what Hadley had done was the most potent at the moment.  Why were things falling apart?  She felt so guilty for being happy with Brennan this morning when Hadley was suffering all alone.

“You couldn’t have done anything about it,” he whispered against her hair.

“I know,” she said.

“You don’t.  But she’ll be okay, and she’ll realize it was her mistake.  You can’t blame yourself.  It’s not your fault.”  He was rocking her gently.

“I know,” she repeated.

“You can’t have this on your shoulders, too,” he said, pulling back to examine her.

He bent down and firmly pressed his lips to hers.  Devon sighed into him, thinking she would never get tired of this.

“Chin up.  Let’s go see her.”

“Alright,” she said shakily.

They turned the corner and walked up to the nurse.

“We’re here to see Hadley Bishop,” Brennan said to the nurse.

“One moment please.  Let me see if she can have visitors,” the nurse said, staring down at her computer.  The nurse spoke through an intercom to someone and waited for a response.  “Alright, you two can go on in.  She is in room six.  Please be mindful of the nurse working.”

“Thank you,” Brennan said with an appreciative smile.

They walked through the door into the ICU.  It was a large hallway of rooms with all glass doors on each side.  Each room was easily accessible from the nurses’ station.  They walked down the hallway to Hadley’s room.  Just as they arrived at the glass door, Garrett walked out and slid the door back into place.

Devon’s stomach lurched at the memory of his body covering hers.  He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and she was glad.  He should be ashamed.  He looked the worse for wear, and Devon wondered how long he had been here with Hadley.  The pang of guilt hit her again.

“Glad you made it,” Garrett said, finally looking at her.

She glanced away, not having the strength to challenge him.

“We would have come sooner, but Devon’s phone was off,” Brennan said with a shrug.

“You had your phone off at work?” Garrett asked, confused.

“I didn’t have to work today,” Devon said, not sure why he even cared.

“She was already with me,” Brennan explained before Garrett could ask another question.

Garrett’s eyebrows scrunched together, and his eyes wavered between them.  She didn’t want to know what he was thinking.

“Can we see her now?” Brennan asked impatiently.

“Oh, of course,” Garrett said as if he hadn’t realized his body was blocking the entrance.  “She’s doing a lot better than when they first brought her in.  She’s sedated, and they pumped everything they could out of her system.”

Devon glanced through the glass at her best friend, and a sob escaped her throat when she saw her.  Sure, they had been estranged this summer, but Hadley was still her best friend.  They had lived together for almost three years, drank at stupid frat parties together, figured out how to cook together, had girlfriend weekends, and so much more.  Nearly all her happy memories from college were with Hadley.  The worst part of her relationship with Reid had only happened after Hadley left, and it made her sad that six months could change so much.

Her Hadley was the same person as the one who was now lying in a hospital bed, breathing with the assistance of a ventilator and looking as white as the blank sheet covering her body.

“The doctors said that she was lucky to be with other people last night.  Her friends brought her in when she became unresponsive, and then they disappeared as soon as they dumped her at the ER,” Garrett said.  “The doctors aren’t sure what she was on. So far, they’ve found the primary source to be cocaine.”

“Which explains the sedative,” Brennan said almost to himself.

“Yeah,” Garrett agreed.  “But she was clearly drunk and had taken some pain pills as well.  From listening to the doctors, I gather they were some pretty strong ones.”

“She’s so pale,” Devon said softly.

“I just…I can’t believe she would do this to herself,” Garrett said.  “We fought, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse for…for this.”  He gestured toward Hadley.

Brennan said something quietly to Garrett, but Garrett just continued to stare at Hadley as Brennan talked.

Devon walked inside the room and over to Hadley’s side as the guys talked to each other on the other side.  She tuned them out and sat heavily in the chair next to the bed.  She took Hadley’s hand in her own, surprised to find it was so hot it felt like it was on fire.  Devon curled her fingers around Hadley’s hand anyway and leaned her forehead against it.

“I’m sorry, Hadley,” Devon whispered.  “I’m sorry for knowing and not doing enough.  I’m sorry for putting you in a rough place.  I’m sorry for using your weakness to my advantage.  That’s a shitty thing for a friend to do.  I’m sorry for not being your friend since I got here.  I wish I could tell you everything I’m sorry for, but I don’t think you would want me to be here all day and night.  Mostly, I’m sorry that we’re not close like we used to be.  I don’t know who pushed the wedge in between us, but I don’t like it.  I kept secrets…you know I did.  But you were keeping them, too, and then you pushed me away when I was trying to help you.  I don’t blame you.  How could I ever blame you?  I’m just sorry it came to this, and I hope that when you wake up, we can fix this.  You’re my best friend.”

Devon squeezed her hand and stood before she the tears came.  She couldn’t cry again.  She had cried too much.

“Is she going to…be okay?” she managed to get out before covering her mouth at the thought.

“Yeah, the doctors said she would be okay physically,” Garrett told her.  “Mentally and emotionally though will take time.”

Hadley would be okay, alive.  She would wake up soon and start to recover.  She would learn from her mistakes, and then they could all move on.

But today, she wasn’t okay, and today, it wasn’t alright.  Today, it was painful and terrible and heartbreaking.  Today, Devon would let herself feel it because it would make her better tomorrow.

“I’m going to…go get something to eat,” Devon said, not meeting the guys’ eyes as she walked past them.

“Do you want me to come with?” Brennan asked, brushing her arm with his fingers.

She smiled at him and shook her head.  She wanted to be alone.

Devon made it out the door and a few feet down the hallway when she heard footsteps behind her.  She turned, her heart rate picking up drastically.  After all her nightmares about being followed, she couldn’t shake that uncontrollable fear.

“Devon, can we talk for a minute?” Garrett asked, walking toward her.

“I’d rather not,” she said.  Her chest was aching, and she just wanted to find a place to be alone.  Couldn’t he see that?

“I just wanted to apologize for last night.”  He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“I really don’t want to deal with this right now, Garrett,” she said.

“I know.  I was an ass.  Devon, please…I don’t know what I was thinking. I was really upset about Hadley,” he said, stepping in closer and reaching out for her arm.

“Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling back quickly.

“Sorry.”  He dropped his arm.

“Can we just not do this right now?  Hadley is in there, unconscious.  That is what’s important.  Let’s just…deal with that first.  I don’t even want to think about last night or what happened.”