The knife that he just stabbed me with had become encased in my heart. Anything left inside of it shrivels into nothingness. “You don’t. Guess you have nothing to be upset about.” I turn the handle of the door and slam it behind me. I turn to go to my room, but stop. If I go there, I will cry myself into oblivion. I need to be around people, it will be the only way to hold myself together.

Walking into the main room, I head directly to the bar where Buzz is standing with a smile as he sees me, but it falls. “What’s wrong girl?” He asks innocently enough.

“Nothing. I need a bottle of Jim and a glass, please.” I motion to the bottle on the wall.

Buzz gets them and pours my first shot, the burning seeps through my body and I can feel the exact moment it hits my stomach. I close my eyes at the fire, but open them quickly pouring another one. I don’t normally drink, but screw it. Screw it all. I pour another and another, shooting them both back quickly.

“You might want to slow down there sunshine.” Tug says from behind the bar next to Buzz.

I wave him off and pour my next shot. My head is already fuzzy, but I can’t stop myself. The music and the commotion around me does nothing to deter my interest in the golden amber liquid in front of me. If only I can forget, just for a while. I gulp another and the bottle is snatched away from me.

I turn my head to the culprit and sigh. Becs. “What are you doing, girl?” The little girl inside wants to shrivel up in his arms, just to feel some closeness with Bam, but I refrain.

“Just having a drink. That’s what we do around here, Becs. Drink, screw and drink some more.”

“You’re done.” He says with authority, I roll my eyes.

“I am not done! Give me a bottle and I’ll take it to my room.” I yell looking into his eyes that are laced with deep concern.

“No, care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Guilt!” is boomed from across the room and all movement in the clubhouse seizes. I blow out a breath, wishing I was back up in Cherry Vale, even if it reminds me of Mia, it’s better than this.

I ignore him and turn to Becs. “Just give me one more, please.” I plead, but it falls on deaf ears.

“Guilt from what, Casey?” I shake my head at Becs question.

“From not telling me she was pregnant with my baby and leaving like a fucking coward!” G.T. yells. The audible gasps around the room make my stomach constrict, even if what he’s saying is a lie, it hurts.

“Go to hell!” I yell over my shoulder.

“You’re pregnant, Casey?” Becs asks gripping the bottle in his hand so tight, his knuckles turn white. I thought for sure he’d crush the bottle.

I look him in the eyes. “I lost her.” I whisper softly only to him, but no doubt everyone in the room heard it.

“Yeah. She says she fucking lost it. How do I know she didn’t kill it herself?”

I jump off the bar stool fast and aim straight for G.T., my head a bit foggy. “I fucking did not kill my baby! I loved her more than I loved anything in this world. I’m the one who carried her for thirteen weeks and two days. I’m the one who felt her growing inside of me. I’m the one who took care of her as if she was the most precious thing in this world. Me!” I seethe not caring if the entire club hears my business because more than likely they’d all know by morning anyway, may as well let them to know the truth.

“Because you didn’t give me a chance!” He bites back.

“But remember what you said? You don’t know if she was even yours. Considering I’m a whore who sleeps around with all your brothers. Whose do you think it could have been?” I tap my finger on my chin pretending to be in deep thought. “Hmm… Oh, I bet you think it’s Tug’s right?” His face lights up with red fury. “Don’t worry, we never had sex. You’re the only asshole I let touch me!” I shake my head. “God, I was so fucking wrong about you.”

“And I was about you! How could you keep our baby a secret?”

“Because you’d just told me that you wanted to fuck other women and that I wasn’t good enough. How did I know you’d be happy we were having a baby? You’d just told me you didn’t want me. So what was I supposed to say? ‘Hey G.T. now I’ve got your baby. You’re stuck with me.’” I shake my head. “I wouldn’t do that. I left to build a life for myself and my baby. You were going to know her, but I’d have a life for her with or without you.”

“That’s so big and noble of you.” He coughs. “Problem. You should have fucking told me from the start.”

“Well, I didn’t. And if I could do it all over again, I’d do the same damn thing. You’re the one who fucking lied. You set all of this in motion. You, G.T.! One lie was all it took to set this big ball in motion. You are just as guilty in this as I am.” I turn and head straight for Becs.

“I want a bottle.” I demand.

“Baby, you don’t have to go through this on your own.” He says quietly.

“I don’t belong here. This is Bam’s family, not mine. I’ve never belonged here.”

“That’s bullshit and you damn well know it.” Becs nods to the side to someone, but I don’t turn to look.

“Bullshit. Let’s see. I don’t fit in. I don’t live the life. I don’t ride. I don’t fight. Do I need to continue?”

“You think all that shit matters, Casey? You being Bam’s daughter makes you family.” Becs’ voice is calm and I want to scream at him.

“No. It makes me an obligation.” Tears form in my eyes but, I blink them back. I’m so damn tired of tears.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Harlow bellows from behind me, I breathe out deep holding back the roll of my eyes.

“I’m going to my room!” I say moving away from Becs and meeting a very pissed off Harlow.

“Not part of this family. Are you fucking kidding me right now, Casey?” Her face is mere inches away from mine and I can smell the peppermint on her breath. I go to move around her, but she stops me. “Oh no, you don’t.” She sidesteps and grabs my arms. “You are not a fucking obligation. If you were, we’d all be considered that. These men and women love you Casey. They’d lay down their fucking life for you. How do you not know that?”

I shrug not knowing what to say. My whole life I’ve felt like an outsider looking in, never really being part of it.

“Bullshit. Don’t you remember graduation? The party all of these people threw for you?”

“That was for you, Harlow.”

She eyes me and tilts her head. “You really believe that don’t you?” I nod.

“What about when you and Bam finished your car? You remember that night?”

“That was for Bam.”

“Holy shit. You really don’t see it.” I hang my head letting the humiliation course through me.

Harlow begins pointing to the member’s one at a time around the room. “See them. See?” I shake my head. “Babe. This entire club loves you. Those parties were for you, too.”

“Then why don’t I have a club name, Princess?”

Harlow looks behind me and I turn to see Becs standing right behind me. “Bam never wanted you to have a club name. He asked us not to.”

“Why would he do that?”

He clears his throat repeatedly and comes to sit next to me. “Bam was a bit more traditional with the club. He told all of us that your ol’ man would give you a club name if you chose to be part of this life. It’s not easy. You know that and Bam wanted to make sure that it was your choice.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll always be Casey.” I mumble. Becs and Princess look at each other and I roll my eyes. “I need to lie down.” I say to Harlow. “I have to or you’re going to be carrying me.” I look around and see G.T. is no longer around and sag in relief. I cannot do this anymore. The fight is leaving me fast.

“Come on. I’ll get you settled.”

Cruz pulls me out of the main room by barking his fucking order to go. Any other time, I’d be able to kick his fucking ass, but not this time.