“You’re a survivor and god gave you a second chance at life.”

I shook my head, “I know that father, but what good is that second chance if I’m not going to live a full long life?”

He patted my hand softly, “You don’t know you won’t live a full long life, and it doesn’t matter what you went through before; what matters is that you survived it. God won’t give you more than you can handle. He knows you’re strong enough to handle this again.”

I looked down and bit my lip. My emotions were all over the place. “The chemo was awful,” I whispered.

“Chemo isn’t supposed to be fun, but you survived and it made you stronger. What you need to understand is that you refusing to get treatments are just another form of suicide.”

I looked up at his face; my eyes stinging with tears. He was right. I never thought that what I was doing was a form of suicide. He took my hand and patted it once more as he smiled and walked away.

I was walking down the street, not knowing where exactly I was going, thinking about my conversation with the priest when I stopped in front of Pizzapopolous. My stomach tied itself in knots as I stared through the window remembering how I made Connor eat pizza with his hands. I lightly smiled as I stepped into the Starbucks that was next door. The aroma of coffee was making me salivate as I ordered a mocha latte. I took my latte and sat at a table towards the back. I looked at the time on my phone. It was already 2 pm. I dialed the phone number that kept consistently calling me for the past 4 months.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Taub’s office, how may I help you?” The perky voice on the other end spoke.

“Hi this is Ellery Lane; I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Taub”

“Oh ok, well the first appointment I have is November 5^th at 3 pm.”

I sighed, “Do you realize that it’s September 30^th and November 5^th is far away?”

“Sorry, but that is his first available appointment.”

I was now starting to get agitated, “May I please talk to Dr. Taub?”

“I’m sorry, but he’s with a patient right now; may I take a message for him?”

Once again I sighed, “Yes, tell him Ellery Lane called and I’m ready. He’ll know what I mean.” I hung up before she could say anything else.

I put my phone on the table as I looked up and had a near heart attack when I saw Connor walk through the door. He looked rough, like he hadn’t slept in days. He wore dark jeans and my favorite grey t-shirt that defined his muscular chest. A few days’ worth of stubble sat upon his face. His hair was tousled in a different way, but he still looked perfect and hot as hell. I panicked, and I didn’t want him to see me, so I did the only thing I could; I hid under the table.

The place was packed with people conversing and studying, so the chances of anyone seeing me under the table were slim; with the exception of Dr. Hottie who knelt down and peered his head under the table.

“You ok down there, Ellery?”

I waved my hand to shoo him out-of-the-way so I could see when Connor left.

“I’m hiding from him,” I mumbled pointing to the line.

“I’ve got this,” he winked.

Henry stood up, walked over to Connor and shook his hand. He kept him talking until Connor got his coffee and then patted him on the shoulder as he walked out the door. I got up off the floor and sat back in my chair. Henry walked over and sat across from me.

“Thank you, I owe you one.”

He smiled and took a sip of his coffee, “Nah, now we’re even.”

I cocked my head to the side and raised one eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

He lightly laughed, “If you wouldn’t have needed stitches that day you came to the hospital, I never would have met Peyton.”

I pursed my lips together, “You really like her don’t you?”

The grin on his face was priceless. “I do, and I know it’s soon, but I’m going to ask her to move in with me.”

“I know she’s crazy about you; I’m glad my injury brought you two together,” I smiled.

He leaned over the table and brought his hand above my eye. “I must say I did an exceptional job with those stitches,” he smiled. “I have to go; I have rounds at the hospital. I’ll talk you soon Ellery.” I waved goodbye as he walked out the door.

My phone, face down on the table, started to ring. My imagination went wild with the hopes that maybe it was Connor. I picked it up and looked at it. It was Dr. Taub’s number.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Ellery, its Dr. Taub, I’m glad you called. I want you to come in for some blood work tomorrow morning. After I get the results, we will go ahead and schedule the Chemotherapy. I’m happy you changed your mind.”

I wanted to throw the phone at the wall because I wasn’t looking forward to going through that again.

“Me too Dr. Taub, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I sighed and took a sip of my latte.

When I got home later that day, Peyton had told me that Henry was taking her somewhere special for dinner. I was truly happy for her that someone was worthy of her heart, even if my own was shattered beyond repair.

“Guess what else?” she jumped up and down. Henry asked me to fly to Colorado tomorrow to meet his parents.”

I looked at her, put on my happy face and jumped up and down with her. I didn’t want to ruin her trip by telling her I was going to be starting chemo soon, so I didn’t tell her about the phone call from Dr. Taub.

“Are you going to be alright sweetie?” she pouted.

I waved my hand in front of my face and walked over to the sink, “I’ll be fine. I’m going to lose myself in my paintings, so don’t worry about me.”

She hugged me tight. “Ok I have to go home and pack. We’ll be gone 2 weeks, so if you need anything or you just want to talk, you better call me Ellery Rose Lane. Do you understand me?” She grabbed her coat and opened the door.

“Peyton,” I called.

“Yeah,” she turned and looked at me.

“I’m really happy for you; go have fun and keep in touch,” I spoke with a fake happiness.

“Thanks Elle, I will, I love you,” she yelled as she shut the door.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for her; I was. I was just feeling sorry for myself because I screwed things up with Connor. How could I be so stupid? What the hell was I thinking? I knew what I had to do and the first step was to apologize to him.

I called a cab and stepped out into the brisk night air. I had the cab driver drop me off at the soup kitchen; I wanted to volunteer one last time before I started chemo. Once I start, I can’t be around groups of people, especially the homeless with their colds and illnesses. I volunteered for a couple of hours and told Julius what was going on.

“Oh Elle, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be Julius, I’ve been through it before and beat it, and I can do it again.”

He high fived me, “That’s my girl. I know you will and if you need anything, anything at all, you call me or anyone here, and we’ll be by your side in a flash.”

“Thanks Julius, I will and tell your wife I said hi.” He flashed me a smile and nodded his head.

I walked to the next block to a tattoo parlor where my friend Jack works. “Why if it isn’t Ellery Lane; good to see you sweetheart,” Jack said as he walked over and bear hugged me. “I haven’t seen you in a while, how’s Pey?”

“Hey Jack, she’s good.”

He stared at me and twisted his face, “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? Are you thinking about a tat Elle?”

I bit down on my bottom lip, “Yep, I sure am.”

“Come sit over here. Let me finish her up, and then you’re next,” he winked.

 The girl sitting in the chair was getting a tattoo of angel wings on her left shoulder, with the inscription, “Forever Yours.” I looked at her, “Nice tattoo?”

She smiled over at me, “Thanks, it’s for my boyfriend. Tomorrow is his birthday, and this is my way of letting him know I’m forever his and no one else can have me.”