She just looked at me like she had no idea what I was saying, but I felt better having said it. I would love her unconditionally if she let me, but in order to do that I had to get her to love herself fully, first.

It was already hard to keep a lid on everything Nash stirred up in me, but seeing a big, tough, tattooed guy hold on to a little girl like she was something breakable and precious, how in the hell was I supposed to keep my heart cloistered from that?

When Faith and Justin returned home, all the kids had been put to bed and Nash was on his way out the door. I didn’t miss the look my sister gave when he said good-bye. She was tired and supposed to take it easy, which is the only reason I escaped getting an earful, I’m sure. The next morning while I was at work she left a voice mail that went on for a solid twenty minutes about how she now had two boys that were insisting on getting skull tattoos when they were old enough. I shouldn’t have thought it was funny but I really did. I wanted to try and take Faith’s concern to heart. I knew she was just worried about me, worried about what would happen if Nash hurt me again, but something about his words to me the night before had stuck with me.

There was a part of me that could never believe that he saw me the way he did. I never recognized myself as a beautiful, desirable creature and so never took him at face value when he said those things to me. I was confident at work, knew what I was doing and that it was what I had always been meant to do, but even though he looked at me like I was the start and end of everything, I just couldn’t find any belief in the idea that Nash Donovan felt that way about me. I still didn’t have enough confidence to be secure in any of the other areas of my life. It wasn’t fair to Nash that I was on pins and needles waiting for him to prove that he was nothing more than a typical guy and would eventually fall to the lowest common denominator, when all I was doing was using my fear and weaknesses to hold all the parts of me that had never really stopped loving him in check and not allowing what was between us now to grow and flourish.

I had never been resentful of my work or my busy schedule at the emergency room. I was always the happiest, the most centered and secure when I was caring for others, but lately I wanted to have time to see Nash. I knew Phil was getting worse, that the end was on the horizon, and Nash was almost always at his side. He was trying to stay on top of things at work and everything else, but he was losing weight, and every time I did manage to see him he had shadows on his face that rivaled the color of his eyes in purpleness and his strong jaw was more often than not scruffy and unshaven.

There were no more overnight stays, no more fun dates that made me laugh, and the only time we managed to hook up was for a quickie during lunch here and there, which felt good and got the job done but lacked all the intensity and emotion behind the sex I was used to having with him. For someone who used to hate being naked and everything that typically went with it, I couldn’t wait for there to be a time when I could spend hours sans clothes and under him or over him—I wasn’t particular.

I was heading out after my shift when Sunny asked me to pop into her office. We had been too busy lately to have any real time to chat. I missed her positive attitude and the way she always tried to pick me up. I smiled at her and took a seat across from her cluttered desk.

“Are you going to try and set me up with another doctor?”

Ever since my disastrous date, the rumors had flown fast and furiously among the hospital staff. I was a lesbian, I’d had a seizure and had to go, I was secretly married with five kids … and no one was interested in the truth. Surprisingly, being the topic of conversation, being gossiped about no matter how silly it was, didn’t faze me. I was too busy with Nash, too busy trying to figure out the things that really mattered, to care about any of it.

Sunny rolled her dark eyes at me and gave me a huge grin. “No. I think your taste runs a little more colorful than most doctors walking these hallways.”

It was true. I mean there were some doctors sporting ink under their lab coats and scrubs, but nothing could compare to that dragon that was trying so hard to keep Nash safe.

“You’re probably right. What’s up? You never ask me to talk in your office. You usually just ambush me in the hallway.”

She was still smiling as she leaned back in her chair.

“Well, this is a more official conversation than me harassing you about your dating life.”

I frowned and immediately started running through anything that I might have done wrong in the last few weeks. I had been distracted because of the goings-on in my personal life, which wasn’t like me.

“What did I do?”

She shook her head from side to side and clicked her tongue at me.

“Now why would you automatically think the worst? You are an amazing nurse, I tell you that all the time. How can you think I would drag you in here and scold you for doing something wrong? I think that’s insulting to both of us.”

I gulped and Nash’s words sort of poked at me from the night before.

“Sorry. It’s just habit.”

“One you should break. Listen, Saint, Heidi is transferring to a hospital in Florida because her husband got a new job. I want you to take over as the shift supervisor. I know you’re thinking about more school along the way, but this is a great opportunity for advancement in the department you are already in. Say yes, Saint. This was meant to be.”

“Are you serious?” I was stunned. It’s what I had always wanted. Validation, respect, for the world to recognize I was great at something I loved. I couldn’t ask for anything more, only for some reason, as happy as the offer made me, it was the idea of sharing the news with Faith and my mom, and probably most significantly with Nash, that really gave me the most joy.

“Well, we have to do a real interview with the director of nursing, but she knows that you are the person I want for the position.”

My heart was fluttering in a rapid rhythm and I wanted to do a little dance in my chair.

“That’s so exciting. Thank you so much.”

“No one deserves it more.”

I got to my feet, she came around the desk, and I bent down to give her a hug. I really did deserve it, just like maybe, possibly, I deserved a shot at making this thing with Nash be a forever thing.

He was the first person I called when I got out of the hospital.

It was raining. Like a torrential downpour, and by the look of the water collected on the streets, it had been coming down for a while. I skipped across puddles and let the phone ring as I raced to my car. Nash didn’t answer, the call went right to voice mail, which made some of the excitement bubbling under my skin wane just a little bit. I had to shake like a dog to get my soggy hair out of my face once I was in the car, and I decided it wouldn’t hurt anything to swing by the Victorian to see if he was home. I wanted him to scoop me up and give me a big, sloppy kiss and tell me how happy he was for me. It was surprising how bad I wanted that.

I turned on the radio and listened to Her Space Holiday as I tooled across Colfax and made my way up to the Victorian. The weather was dying down, but by the time I dashed up to the door, passing the Charger in its designated spot on the way, I was soaked all the way through and my teeth were chattering. It wasn’t really warm enough yet to counteract being damp and all drippy. I stopped in front of his door and knocked.

I was unwinding my braid and trying to comb my fingers through my wet and tangled hair when the door swung open … and my entire world came crashing down. My heart stopped. My blood went thick and cold and I was thrown in a direction that had my hopes and dreams snapping in half for the second time in my life at the hands of this beautiful man.