Maybe if I prayed hard enough — I’d stay there, in the darkness. Maybe then my sins would be atoned for.

The dude was hostile, as if he was pissed that I was even sitting at his table let alone breathing on his plate. What was his problem? I could only imagine that all the piercings had damaged his brain cells — that is, if he was still in full possession of any. —Saylor

Saylor

“So, he’s…” I nodded then briefly looked away so I didn’t appear to interested, or curious, or creepy “Abrasive?” Lisa and I had gone into her bedroom and were sorting out what the schedule would look like for the remainder of the weeks we had to work at the place of our choice for at least sixty hours in order to earn a passing grade.

“That’s Gabe.” She laughed. “I promise he’s harmless.”

“Harmless?” I repeated in a mocking voice. Right, because all those tattoos and piercings matched with those killer eyes really screamed harmless.

Lisa closed her notebook and shrugged. “I swear he’s not as bad as he looks. He’s just… different, that’s all. Kind of had a rough life and all.”

“Please.” I snorted, hoping I didn’t sound like I was fishing for more information.

Lisa’s face fell as if I’d just slapped her.

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I don’t mean to be judgmental but, it’s just… life’s hard, you know? It’s what you make it.”

Lisa’s expression turned to something I’d seen my whole life. Pity. She reached for my arm and laid her hand on it. “I get what you’re saying, but, promise me not to make such snap judgments when you don’t even know what he’s going through. He’s protected me my whole life. I’d do anything for him and he’d do anything for me.”

“It’s fine.” I pulled away from her touch. “It’s not like you have to convince me to like him. I mean, for the most part we’ll be doing our work at the Home.” I licked my lips and started collecting my stuff and putting it in my shoulder bag. “And I’m sure you’re right. I’m sorry I said that about him.”

“It’s fine,” Lisa said with a much-too-quick smile and wave of her hand. “So, you’ll take Fridays and I’ll start this Saturday?”

“Sure.” I walked into the living room and looked around for Wes and Kiersten. They’d been watching a movie but must have gone to bed or something.

“Bye, Saylor.” Lisa called.

“Bye,” I said without looking back and opened the door walking out into the hall. I probably shouldn’t have opened my big fat mouth — another one of my bad habits. But where did she get off defending a guy like that? A guy who justified his actions by saying he’d had a rough life?

It pissed me off.

I hated it when people used excuses for their actions as if it was justification for being a complete and total loser.

It was the easy way out. The stupid way out. Which meant only one thing, I needed to stay the heck away from Gabe — he’d be toxic.

The elevator door opened and a guy stepped out. But it was what I saw behind him that made me choke on my breath.

Wes was holding up Gabe.

And Gabe was bleeding all over his shirt. His jaw was turning blue and the smell of whiskey filled the air.

How was it possible that over the last week I’d seen Gabe that much? Swear, he was haunting me, though right now everything about him made me recoil in disgust. He stumbled against Wes again, his words slurring all over the place.

Yeah, real winner there.

Poor me, my life’s so sad and messed up I have to do drugs.

People like him disgusted me. They made me want to yell, scream, kick something.

What right did he have to mess up his life when most of us didn’t even get a shot at a normal life? My throat started closing up as my thoughts went immediately to Eric. Normal was never going to be his reality. I’d kill for him to be able to do things that normal kids his age do, even though in his mind he had absolutely no limitations.

People like Gabe? Spat in the face of opportunity.

With a giant sigh, I got into the elevator and rode it up to the next floor. It was better to get on than have to wait for it to come back down.

“You have a good night?” Wes asked, breaking the silence as if his best friend wasn’t bleeding all over him.

“Yeah, got in a few rumbles, did some drugs, lost my virginity.” I nodded, “Top night. Total blast. I can’t wait to ruin my life again tomorrow.”

Wes grimaced. “It’s not his fault it’s—”

“You know what?” I interrupted. “I don’t care. It’s fine. I don’t even know him. I don’t know you. You guys are strangers to me, okay? Defend him all you want, it’s none of my business anyways. I’m not even a friend. I’m just a person trying to graduate without losing my mind.”

Wes looked like he wanted to say something. Instead, he cursed and dragged Gabe out of the elevator. Just as the doors were closing, he whispered, “Just because his way of trying is different — doesn’t make you any better than him.”

I was dead. No. Seriously. I’d puked so much that my body was starting to shut down. I wanted the light damn it! Where the hell was the light in the tunnel? I could have sworn someone said death felt a hell of a lot better than this. —Gabe H.

Gabe

Moaning, I flipped over onto my stomach and reached around for my cell phone. My hand hit a lamp instead.

I tried opening my eyes, my cell fell to the floor, making a soft clunk against a red area rug I knew didn’t belong to my room.

I rubbed my eyes. Colors blurred and ran together. Nothing floated into focus. I shut my eyes again and rubbed them for a few seconds. When I opened them a second time, I wished I had kept them closed.

Time machines. Someone really needed to get on top of that.

“How do you feel?” Wes asked, sounding calm as a cucumber. He was sitting directly in front of me. Arms crossed, and looking pissed as hell. How could he look both calm and pissed at the same time? Did he have some weird split personality that only manifested itself when someone pushed him over the edge? I’d never seen that look on his face. I hated it. I hated me.

“I really wish you would have just finished me off last night,” I grumbled.

“Trust me.” His jaw flexed. “I wanted to. Then I realized that’s exactly what you wanted, so I chose not to beat your sorry ass and stayed up all night with you while you hallucinated about Bambi, told me stories about starting drugs at eight, and then finally — just when I thought you were going to pass out — you puked all over my bathroom — and me. Safe to say we no longer have any secrets after showering together, and if you ever, and I do mean ever, touch me there again I will end your life. Got it?”

I groaned and nodded, then winced because it hurt so much I thought I was going to puke again.

“Something you wanna tell me?”

“No offense, Wes, but I really don’t want to talk right now.”

“Funny, because I didn’t really want to watch my best friend try to commit suicide last night, yet, here we are.”

“You’re pissed.” I felt like crawling into a dark hole and staying there. Letting down Wes was like… true agony. He was the one person I admired. And I’d failed him.

“As hell,” Wes said in a deadly voice. “How did we get here? A few months ago you wanted a new life — you weren’t in a dark place anymore. What happened? I know the last thing you want to do is talk about your feelings — but, shit, man… you didn’t just fall off the wagon. You made a purposeful jump and flipped off the world in the process.”

I swallowed as tears threatened to pour down my face. The choking sensation returned, the same sensation I got when the guilt wrapped itself around me. It was like an old blanket, my comfort, every time I took it off, I was so freaked out it was going to come back that I just put it back on anyway.