“But you’ll move on,” I said slowly, feeling something deep inside me tear apart. “And I’ll just be another in your lineup, because that’s what you do. You fuck women, and then you fuck them over.”

“Better than fucking my hand,” he said bluntly. “I’ve never pretended to be somethin’ I’m not, babe. I’m not gonna settle down. I don’t want to commit. I love my life the way it is. Most guys feel the same way—the difference between them and me is I’ll never lie to you about it.”

“That’s why this is such a huge mistake,” I told him, wishing it could be different. I hurt, and not just from frustrated desire. I’d always known this about him, but hearing him say it so bluntly … that got to me. “I should go downstairs right now and we’ll forget it ever happened.”

But my hand kept sliding up and down his cock, reaching up and catching on the metal as I found his pre-come, using it to ease my way back down. His fingers kept moving on my clit, rolling it as a shiver tore through me. My inner muscles clenched and I knew I had to be dripping wet by now.

“We’ll stop soon,” he said, rubbing his nose along mine oh-so-slowly. “Just one more taste.”

Ruger’s lips parted mine again, tongue plunging deep, filling my mouth the way I wanted him to fill my body. It was hard to focus on all the sensations—Ruger’s hungry kiss, his fingers gliding along my clit. His hard cock in my hand, pulsing as those two metal balls taunted me. All of it blended into one big ball of aching, burning need. Then his fingers moved faster and I gave up everything but my own pleasure.

Tension built in me as he pulled his mouth free, tugging up my shirt. The cup of my bra came down and his mouth took my breast, sucking it in deep and hard, flicking the peak with his tongue. The hard metal tormented my nipple, the contrast between solid steel and hot flesh destroying my ability to think. Ruger’s powerful body surrounded me. His fingers played me and I couldn’t do anything but fall back into the incredible intensity of his touch on my clit.

I was close now, panting harshly.

Ruger’s mouth still held my nipple trapped. He caught the other in his fingers, tugging and jerking everything all together. I whimpered, so close I could taste it but needing just a little more to go over the edge. Then he stopped teasing and pushed down against my clit, rough and demanding. My hips convulsed as I came, twisting on the counter shamelessly. Ruger covered my mouth with his once more, kissing me softly as the tremors ran through me, leaving me limp in his arms.

Then he lifted his head, meeting my eyes.

The hunger in his face was intense, more than I’d ever seen on a man. I’d stopped stroking him in the thick of things, but I still held his cock. He’d gotten thicker, and now I pumped his length hard. His fluid coated everything and my fingers slipped across his pierced head as he arched in my hand. We stayed like that, locking gazes, as I worked him faster and faster. After a minute his face darkened and his breath quickened.

Then he reached between us, pushing down his jeans and pulling his cock fully free, hand covering mine. He started jerking our joined hands up and down together, much rougher than I’d do on my own. The heel of my hand caught his pierced head each time, and he growled, primal and hungry.

“Let me fuck you, Sophie,” Ruger gasped, his voice full of pain. I shook my head, closing my eyes because I didn’t want him to see how close I was to giving in.

“No,” I said, almost crying because it hurt so bad to say it. “I’m not going to screw you and then watch you with other women. I can’t do it. I know myself, Ruger. Unless you can tell me right here, right now that you want to seriously try to make something together, I can’t sleep with you. Let me finish this and then it’s over.”

He caught my hand, squeezing it tight around his cock and closed his eyes, shuddering. Then he pulled my hand away with visible pain and twisted it behind my back, jerking my body forward into his, transforming me from lover to prisoner so casually it terrified me.

“There’s no lie here,” Ruger said, voice grating. His face flushed dark red and his chest heaved, eyes burning. Every part of him was rock hard, from his chest crushing my breasts to the naked cock pressed into my belly. “No manipulation between us. It is what it is. But I’ll give you the ride of your life, Soph. That I guarantee.”

“The ride of my life?” I asked, the words hitting me like cold water, breaking through my fog of stupidity.

Holy hell. What was I doing?

I’d lost my fucking mind.

Ruger might be a great uncle, but I couldn’t trust him for shit with my body, let alone my heart.

“Zach already gave me the ride of my life, Ruger,” I said, making every word count. “I learned my lesson from him. Sex is short and it changes everything. That’s something men like you can’t begin to understand.”

He jerked away from me, mouth tight and eyes hard, glaring at me.

“Jesus Christ, you’re a bitch.”

“I’m not a bitch,” I replied, and it took everything I had to keep my voice steady. “I’m a mother. I can’t afford to play games with you, Ruger. You’ll break me, and that will break Noah.”

“Un-fucking-believable,” he muttered, slamming his hand next to me on the counter. I jumped, almost scared as he reached down to tuck himself back into his pants, visibly pained. He refused to step away or allow me any kind of escape, taking my shoulders in his big hands with a jerk.

“Nothin’ is changed,” he said, eyes burning with anger and frustrated need. My breath caught—Ruger had always been scary … But because there’s something wrong with me, seeing him this angry turned me on, too. He leached the common sense right out of my body. “You go to that party, you keep your hands off. That’s a fuckin’ order. No flirtin’, no makin’ out, no touchin’, nothin’. These aren’t Boy Scouts, and they won’t be happy if you start something you don’t plan to finish. You’re off bounds. We clear?”

“Crystal,” I whispered. “I understand you completely.”

“Thank fuck for that,” he muttered, letting me go and stepping back. Finally. I took a deep breath, dizzy with relief. He ran a hand across his hair, glaring a hole through me. “Now get your ass out of my house. Go for a car ride, go shopping, whatever the fuck you want, but don’t come back until you’ve picked Noah up from school. I’ll be gone by then.”

“Where are you going?”

“You seriously think that’s any of your business?” he asked, raising his brows. “Because we aren’t fuck buddies, you aren’t my old lady, and I sure as fuck don’t remember puttin’ you in charge of my life.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” I said. But you don’t get to control me, either, I thought, way too chicken to say it out loud. “And I’m sorry. You aren’t anything like Zach. I know that. But this isn’t just about us, it’s about Noah. He’s not losing another home because we can’t keep our pants on, Ruger.”

“Have I ever done anything—anything—to hurt that child?” he asked.

“I don’t think you’d do it on purpose.”

“Get the fuck out before I change my mind, Sophie. Jesus.”

I got the fuck out.

KIMBER: No fucking way!!!!! Ur fucking with me!!!!!! His dick in ur hand and u still said NO?!??

ME: I wish it was a joke. It happened, tho

KIMBER: Part of me thinks u made a lucky escape … Rest of me thinkgs u shud have fucked him

ME: That would make it all worse. You told me to stay awy from him, rmemember?

KIMBER: Um, it’s worse already, dumbass, u blew it. Ur screwed and there’s no out. Sex is just the symptom. This is about u guys being all twisted up with each other. He wants u way more than I thought

ME: No shit

KIMBER: U are so dens. This morning was gamechanger. Remember—I kno him. He’s not like this with other women. I take back what I said about it being a bad idea. U should have sex. Mite as well get the fun if ur paying the price—it’s already fucked up past the point of no return