I’m starting to get flustered, my heart soaring in my chest like it did back when I lay in the street, dying. I’m just as confused as I was then, even more. A maze of lies right in front of me and I’m just supposed to what? Figure it out in a second? Lily, come out. I need your help.

Nothing.

Please Lily, I need you.

Only silence. And I look to the real Lily who’s sitting on the armrest of the chair watching the scene unfold in delight. Then she gives me this look and for a faltering second, I swear she looks just like me.

“Maybe I’ll just kill you both,” I sputter out, backing up until my back hits the wall. I’m taking ragged breaths, my mind racing a million miles a minute, and I can barely think straight. “Then I won’t have to figure this out.”

“Maddie, just calm down,” River says unsteadily, hands surrendered in front of him. “Everything’s going to be okay. Just take a step back and really think about this.”

Pitter-patter… pitter-patter… I can see the flames. The smoke. And the man in the center of it all. I point the gun at him, ready to shoot him, ready to make him pay, but I hesitate, too afraid. I’m always too afraid. Lily steps in, takes the gun from my hand.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” she says, then she aims the gun at the man and pulls the trigger.

“Don’t kid yourself Maddie. You’re nothing but a whore!”

You’re a whore!

You’re a whore!

You’re a whore!

The lies. The games. I’m tired of them. My father wants me to hurt people, mess with my head, tells me I’m always wrong when I fight him. Then I’m punished and I’m split in half, not quite whole anymore. Lily though, she never lets him down. Does what she’s supposed to and it hollows her out.

I flinch from my memory, my finger starting to push down on the trigger, ready to shoot, when a man appears beside Lily, the same one I saw behind Sydney, who broke into my house, who’s been standing in the street. If I thought things couldn’t get worse, I was wrong. It’s as if the veil has been lifted off my mind and suddenly I recognize him. He’s the man in the photo I burnt, the man in the cabin.

My eyes widen as I turn and point the gun at him. “Dad?”

Maddie

“He’s not real,” Lily says to me from across the room. “Just your imagination.”

“Then how do you know what I’m seeing?” I ask in horror, my wobbly legs about to give out on me. Deep down, I know he can’t possibly real, but he looks so real and feels so real and he’s making me feel so unstable like he used to.

“Because I understand you,” Lily says simply. “And how remembering back—remembering what he did and used to call you—brings him back.”

River and Bella are staring at me like I’m the one that’s the crazy person in the room. But my father smiles, then reaches for Lily’s throat and she seems completely oblivious to it.

I rush forward, the gun targeted steadily at my father. “Get away from her,” I demand, unsure why I’m protecting her.

“Maddie, stop,” Lily says calmly. “Put the gun down. It’s just another one of your hallucinations, probably because Bella called you a whore—it’s kind of a trigger for you.”

“I know but…” I shake my head, my hand shaking so bad and my teeth chattering. “No he’s there... I can see him… feel him in my skin.”

Lily tracks my gaze to the side of her then looks back at me. “Maddie, there’s no one there.”

You’re a whore!

“Do you remember?” My father asks, strolling in front of Lily and blocking her from my view. He’s shorter than I remember but then again I’m older and taller, still when he closes in on me, I feel small. “What I did to you?”

I do. How he raped me all the time. Hurt me. How I would pretend to be someone else. My sister. Who was stronger. Who seemed to handle it better than I did. She didn’t cry. Always did what he wanted.

“You’re the one who’s been… who’s been messing with my mind.” I finally manage to speak again. “You made me think I was going crazy… that I was a killer…. You’re real… still alive.”

“Only in you, Maddie.” Lily’s voice tries to push through my fear.

“And it was so easy,” he says with a grin, so close to me that I could reach out and touch him. “You were always the weak one. Every time I tried to teach you right and wrong, you fought me.”

Make him pay, Lily whispers. Shoot him!

“Get her to stop,” Bella says and when she looks at me, River comes up from behind her, ready to tackle her, but she swings back around. “This isn’t how this was supposed to go down. I’m supposed to get the last say.”

I shake my head at my father. “Not this time. This time I’m the strong one.”

“Maddie, snap out of it.” Lily steps in front of him, her hands still up to her side, the scent of fire swirling around me, even though there’s no flames. “He’s not really there—you’re just seeing things. And it’s time to let him go and come back to me.”

“But you’re just as bad as him!” I scream, my hand shaking so bad I nearly drop the gun.

My dad smiles from behind Lily. “Always so unstable.”

“I’ll kill you,” I say. Do it, Maddie. Make him pay. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

“What good is it going to do to kill me?” he says with a shrug. “They’d still be here. All of them and they all hurt you in one way or another, just like me.” He pauses, musing over something. “I think you need to make them pay for their badness, for what they did to you. It’s about time you did what you were taught to do.”

As if I’ve lost control over my body, I move the gun around to River, then to Bella, and conclusively to my father. Lily is still standing in front of him, her eyes on me, watching me unravel into insanity right before her.

“Don’t even think about it,” Bella says. “This is my moment, not yours.”

Pull the trigger.

“Pull the trigger, Maddie,” my father says as Bella and River continue to argue, River looking like he’s about to faint. “Just do it.”

I cock the gun, noticing that Lily is about to drop the lighter and Bella’s shoved the barrel of the gun in Lily’s direction. And River, well he’s moving for her helplessly, unsure if he has the courage to take her down while she’s armed.

“Maddie, please don’t.” I’m not even sure who says it anymore.

I close my eyes and swing the gun around then fire.

Maddie

The gun goes off as I’m turning around, aiming it at the person who’s responsible for this. The bullet enters Bella’s body, right in the heart. Blood splatters everywhere like spilled paint. Her heart stops. It’s followed by a cry.

My sister grins at me. “Good girl.” Then she drops the lighter onto the floor, the gasoline singes, then bright flames erupt through the living room.

Smoke and fumes encircle us and Lily disappears in the midst of it. I try to move through it, try to find my way out, but something heavy falls on me and I collapse to the ground.

I’m going to die.

This is it.

I’m going to die with blood on my hands. I’m a killer now, for real this time. There is no Lily with me, no force of will. I pulled the trigger. Killed Bella. And now I’m going to burn to death.

I feel a hand touch my arm and the last thing I think is: Well at least I’m not going to die alone. I have Lily hear with me.

When I open my eyes again, I’m lying out on the front lawn and my mother is with me, along with River. I pass right back out though and I come in and out of conscience for the next couple of days. When I finally do wake up, I’m in the hospital, my arms wrapped in bandages from the fire. There’s a brief moment where I think everything that has happened was a dream and that I’m just ten year old Maddie, lying in a hospital bed, saved after days of her father kidnapping her and her sister and ruining them, but then my mother walks in and I can see in her eyes that it’s not the case.