She considers what I said, her eyes wandering upward toward the night sky. “Do you still have that sex tape in here?”

What the hell? “Sex tape… I’ve never made a sex tape.” That’s a lie. I did once when I was eighteen and there was this girl who was really into some kinky shit. But Violet shouldn’t know about that nor do I want her to.

Her gaze lands on me, but it’s too dark to see her expression. “You’re totally lying to me right now—you’ve made one.”  Her tone is light, curious. “You know, I’d like to say that I’m surprised but I’m not.”

I relax a little as her playfulness emerges. “Okay, I’m trying to decide whether I should be offended by that or not. Like you think I’m some kind of man-whore.” Which I am—was. Not anymore though.

“You don’t need to be offended,” she promises with a hint of amusement in her voice. “Besides, I’m sure it was an excellent tape.”

God, what I would give to see the expression on her face as she sits back in the seat, tucking her legs under her, her thighs barely covered as her dress rides up and makes me want to slide over and finish what we started back in Geraldson’s bathroom.

Now is not the time to get a hard on.

“And besides, I wasn’t talking about an actual sex tape,” Violet continues. “But that music tape I found in here once that was labeled fuck me or something like that.”

Hearing her say fuck me makes my dick go rock hard. But there’s no trust between us anymore, no basis for her to want me to touch her, no nothing except my longing to get through her impenetrable wall so all it’s going to get me is a severe case of blue balls.

I try to discretely adjust myself. “Oh, I think it’s still under the seat from…” From when you were with me and we were in this very truck, heading out on our very first date. My chest tightens, air constricting, and all I want to do is drink until I can no longer feel my body.

Violet leans forward, lowering her head toward the floor as she reaches under the seat. She rummages around until she finds the tape. “Yep, right were you threw it.” She sits up and reads the label. “My Fuck Tape.” She turns it over in her hand, a smile tugging at her lips. “It’s funny you actually have tapes. Hardly anyone knows what they are anymore.”

“The truck came with a tape player and I’m too cheap to put a new stereo in,” I explain. “Maybe one day though, I’ll change it out.”

She shakes her head as she feeds the tape into the deck. “Don’t. It gives the truck character.” She presses play then sits back, waiting for the song to come on. For the life of me, I can’t remember what the hell’s on there.

Seconds later, I cringe as the first song thumps through the speakers. Violet instantly suppresses her laughter as she covers her mouth with her hand. She stays that way, listening to the lyrics until finally she lowers her hand. “So… is that what you call your special man part?” she asks, choking back her laughter as she slaps her hand over her mouth again.

I shake my head at her and playfully reach over and give her a little shove, knowing I’m being flirty right now, but hey, she started it. “Even if I did have a name for my cock, trust me it’d be a lot better than that.”

She continues laugh, her hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking as she uses her free arm to shove me back. “I can’t believe you’ve had sex to this song.”

“Hey, I never said I had sex with anyone to this,” I protest, even though I have no clue if that’s true. I’m trying not to grin, because I never thought this would be happening again, things being so light between us and I don’t want to get all excited when I know it’s going to crash down at any moment. “And they’re not all bad. Some are actually pretty good.” I reach forward and fast forward to the next song. Nine Inch Nails “Closer” comes on and I let it play, relaxing.

She lowers her hand to her lap and absorbs the lyrics silently. I’m guessing if she wasn’t so good at shielding her emotions, she’d probably be blushing, but it’s not her style. I remember when she told me she was a virgin, back before I took her virginity. She said it so bluntly, so unashamed, that I ended up spitting my drink out on the floor in surprise. The only time I’ve ever seen her show her raw emotions was the one and only time we had sex. It was the first time I didn’t try to hold any emotion back too, which made the moment perfect until a few hours later when everything fell apart. Another time, another place, where I wish I could have stay, because for a moment everything was perfect, but it was just the calm before the storm.

“Okay, this one’s not so bad,” Violet remarks as she lets her head fall back against the seat, her lips part, she’s so relaxed. “In fact, I could see how having sex to this could be good.”

God, what I would give to have sex with her right now. Right here. To this very song.

I could act on it, but I don’t, trying to be the decent guy she was turning me into a couple of months ago. The one who took better care of himself, who didn’t drink so much, who wasn’t so angry.

As I struggle to keep my horniness to myself for the next hour, this weird sexual tension builds between us as she insists on going through the entire tape. Deftones “Change” Nickelback’s, “Something in Your Mouth,” “Addicted” by Saving Abel, the list of songs goes on and on, getting hotter and sexier with each one. It reminds me more and more of the one and only time Violet and I had sex. God, I want her again. Seriously, who’s idea was this? It’s getting so hot in the cab of the truck I crack the window, pretending it’s because I’m going to smoke, when really it’s to cool the hell down, otherwise I’m going to end up having an orgasm while I’m driving.

I’m saturating my lungs with nicotine when finally Violet slides forward on the seat to turn the music down. “You have a really dirty mind, Luke Price. Seriously. Where did you find all those songs?”

I shrug. “I was bored one day, so I made the tape. Took a while, but I was pretty proud of it.”

Her eyes glide to me and twinkle mischievously in the moonlight shining through the windows. “How many times have you had sex while the tape was playing?”

I squirm uncomfortably in the seat as I ash the cigarette out the window. “I feel a little uncomfortable talking to you about this,” I admit.

“Well, it’s a lot easier than talking about all the things we aren’t talking about don’t you think?” She sighs tiredly as she slumps back in the seat.

“We could talk…” I take a long inhale off my cigarette and gradually let it out, smoke circling my face. “If you want to.”

She tenses as she shakes her head and stares out the window to the side of her. “I’m not ready to just yet.” she says quietly. “I want to play make believe for just a little bit longer.”

God, I’ve never felt my heart shatter for someone else more than I have at this moment. I want to pull the truck over, wrap my arms around her, and just hold her. But that’s not really what she’s asking me to do, is it?

So instead I eject the tape and toss it up onto the dash. “You know I have three more of these in the glovebox.”

A smile touches her lips as she sits up and gets the tapes out, going back to playing make believe, pretending that everything is okay, when it’s not.

Violet

I fall asleep sometime around two o’clock in the morning and crash right into my nightmares. The one where I’m in the basement, hiding, listening to the sounds of what I think are fireworks but turn out to be my parent’s deaths. The nightmare has changed over the last two months into something I don’t like.

Luke.

He’s the one who comes into the basement that night, just a boy my age, but he’s not there to hurt anyone. He wants to help me—always wanting to help me.