“I can have as much fun as the next girl,” I argued, and tried not to get annoyed at Brooks’s bark of disbelieving laughter.

The rest of the ride continued in silence, and I tried to contain the confusing rush of nerves and excitement that made my heart thud in my chest.

The GPS led us to the outskirts of the city, far away from the lights and bustle of normal, Saturday nightlife. Brooks pulled his car into a field, and I could see people heading off toward a group of trees.

“Let’s go,” Brooks called out as he got out of the car. I exited the vehicle, walked through the tall grass, and headed for a break in the woods.

It was dark, with the lights of a thousand cell phones and lighters punctuating the air around us. I could hear the thudding of music not too far off in the distance. I stumbled over a tree root, and Brooks had to grab me by the arm so I wouldn’t fall. Something about Compulsion clearly had me struggling to stay on my feet.

“There it is!” Brooks yelled into my ear, pointing to a run-down farmhouse that looked as though it had been condemned several decades ago. The building was huge; at one time it was probably a lovely home to a nice family. Now it looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

The windows were either broken or missing glass entirely. The porch was in a crumbled heap at the front. The long line of people wrapped along the side and disappeared around the back of the house.

“Seems like Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the theme for the night,” I muttered, zipping the leather jacket up to my chin in an attempt to stay warm.

Once again, we found ourselves waiting in line for our chance to get inside. I wondered if Renee was already there. I recognized a few students from school, but other than that, it was a mass of strangers.

I groaned under my breath as we reached the front of the line and noticed good ol’ Randy, my bouncer BFF from our last sojourn to Compulsion. He looked as fierce and unyielding as ever, and I hoped like hell he didn’t recognize our sad attempts to fit in as the fake acts that they were.

I was relieved when our obligatory once-over was greeted with a gruff demand for money, followed by a smeared stamp on the back of our hands. And just like that, we were granted access.

Brooks let out a whoop and rustled my hair. “We got in! Awesome!” he enthused, and I tried to smile back. But the deafening boom of the bass and the familiar sensation of anticipation and fear that licked my insides had already taken over.

I had found my escape.

x

i ran my tongue along my bottom lip, enjoying the numb sensation that filled my mouth. I could still taste the bitterness of the pills in the back of my throat. My eyelids drooped, and my limbs felt heavy.

I fucking loved it.

The music rang in my ears as I pushed through the crowd. I pulled the baseball cap down over my forehead and enjoyed the feel of a hundred bodies pressed against me. The smell of sweat filled my nose, and I wanted to lie back on the floor and let the ground swallow me up.

A girl with bright blue hair and wearing a tight tube dress rubbed up against me, her arms going around my neck. Her lips stretched into an over-enunciated caricature of a smile. She was like a trampy Smurfette with breasts that pushed aggressively into my chest.

Hell, I was game. I’d play along. So I let my hands wander down to her ass. She gave a little squeal as I squeezed.

Yes, I was copping a feel with a random chick, but it felt so damned good. Everything seemed to slow down, the air pulsed, and I wished I could just be like the rest of these crazy fucks enjoying the mood.

But I had shit to do.

Smurfette rubbed against my crotch, and I gripped her skin, feeling like I could sink my fingers into her flesh and disappear. My head was fuzzy, and my mouth felt dry, but I didn’t want to move. Ever again.

“You got anything?” the girl whispered in my ear, her tongue darting out to lick the sweat that beaded along my jaw.

I grinned wickedly and pulled her up against my front, thrusting in time to the music. “I’ve got exactly what you need,” I promised, getting off on the gleam of excitement that lit up her pale face.

“How much?” she breathed out, her movements becoming frantic in her enthusiasm.

“Come with me,” I said, grabbing her hand and dragging her through the crowd toward the hallway off the dance floor. We were practically running as I found a dark room toward the back of the house.

It was my job to find the spot for Compulsion every month. Call me the location scout or the Master of the Party. Whatever. But it was freaking hard finding a place that was big enough but far enough off the radar that we could get away with playing music way too loud and selling drugs way too blatantly.

This place had been a prize. It had been condemned a couple of months ago and was scheduled to be torn down in a few weeks. Gash, the club organizer, wasn’t sure about the safety of the old farmhouse, but he couldn’t deny that it was private and just about perfect for a night of barely controlled mayhem.

I had walked through the building several times before tonight, so I knew the layout pretty well. I also knew that where I was leading Smurfette was private enough for what I had in mind.

There weren’t any lights. I had to fish out my cell phone and use it as a flashlight while I dug for the baggie in my pocket. I shook out two small blue pills and held them out for the girl.

She practically salivated as she tried to grab them from me. I closed my fist and snatched them away before she could take them.

“Uh-uh,” I mocked, wagging my finger in her face. The girl hurriedly pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket and shoved two twenties in my front pocket, her fingers gripping my thigh through my jeans. Looking at her closely, I knew her type well enough, a sad little trust-funder looking for the express train to the dark side.

Lucky for her, I was all too happy to comply.

She opened her mouth, and I dropped the drugs on her tongue. She closed her mouth around my fingers and sucked as she swallowed, her eyes rolling back in her head in ecstasy. “Mmm,” she moaned, rubbing her hands down her body, while she deep-throated my digits.

My dick sprung to attention. I was feeling mellow and high as fuck, and right now I just wanted this girl to get on her goddamned knees. Enough with the tease, I wanted the main act.

I pushed her down by her shoulders, making it clear what I wanted. Her knees collided with the filthy floor, but she didn’t even notice. She was too fucked-up to care, and I was too much of an asshole to be bothered that she didn’t. I should have been disgusted at the way she willingly grappled with my belt buckle. She unsnapped my jeans and pulled down the zipper like a pro.

Hell, I should have been disgusted with myself for what I was expecting her to do. But I had moved past feelings of shame a long-ass time ago.

This was my world. And in this world I took what I wanted, when I wanted it.

The reality I faced on the outside was something else entirely. I didn’t have the freedom to call my own shots. I clawed through life with bloodied fingers.

But for right now I was a fucking god.

The girl looked up at me through her blue hair, giving me a glassy-eyed smile. I didn’t smile back. Before she could get started, I pulled out a condom. No way was that bitch touching my dick without protection.

When I was done getting ready, I pushed her head down, and she gave me exactly what I wanted.

I didn’t touch her. I didn’t put my hands in her hair or rub her shoulders. This wasn’t about affection. Or even lust. This was entirely about me getting what I wanted. I didn’t give a shit about who she was. I wouldn’t ask her name or try to find out her favorite fucking color.