Words of agreement stuck in my throat. Some of us weren’t equipped to deceive as well as others, I supposed. Maxx’s eyes met mine, and all signs of his earlier vulnerability were gone. So was the passion. It was like it had never existed at all.

And again I was left wondering which was real.

“I’d better go, it’s late,” I said when I was finally able to speak. Kristie was still talking to Maxx about resources in the community he could utilize if he needed to. She was completely oblivious to the sexual energy that radiated between us.

Maxx’s face was unreadable, his eyes dark and hooded. My heart and body screamed at me not to leave him. But my head said to run.

While I still could.

aubrey

there was a lot to be said for keeping busy. If you kept yourself focused on trivial things, the more serious stuff began to seem less important.

School and studying did that for me. It put everything in its place and kept me moving forward. There wasn’t room in my world for sexy blue eyes and passionate pleas that made me forget everything.

All of this agonizing made me desperately wish that I had someone I could talk to. Someone I could confide in about these conflicting feelings that were wreaking havoc inside me. I missed Renee so much more during this emotional turmoil. I longed for the days when I would have been able to tell her everything.

I felt lonely, even when I was with other people. No one could know the truth of my heart, that it was slowly and surely being given to someone who I was terrified would destroy it.

“I’m thinking of asking Charlotte out,” Brooks announced out of nowhere in the middle of our marathon cramming session. I looked up from my notes in surprise. Brooks never really talked to me about girls. It’s not as though I would have a problem having this kind of conversation. We were friends. It’s what friends did. But we weren’t the sort to sit around giggling about dates.

“Who’s Charlotte?” I asked, reaching for the bag of pretzels on the coffee table. I was relenting on my “no food in the living room” edict for the time being. Studying required sustenance. And I didn’t want to read my notes while sitting in a cramped position in the chairs around the kitchen table.

Brooks stretched out his legs, his feet brushing against mine. I never shied away from touching him. He was my friend. So why did it all feel so . . . strange . . . all of a sudden? Ever since Maxx’s show of territorial possession before support group that night, I had felt a shift in my relationship with Brooks, one I couldn’t explain or understand, and one that my good friend seemed reluctant to talk about.

“She’s in my senior symposium. Blond hair, tits for miles,” he explained, looking at me as he took a drink of his beer. He watched me closely. Too closely. What the hell was his problem?

I gave him my most encouraging smile. “Sounds great. I say go for it, buddy,” I said, tossing him a pack of Oreos. Brooks caught it in midair.

“Yeah? Well, maybe you could meet her. Tell me what you think,” he suggested, still watching me. It was disconcerting, and I didn’t like it one bit.

“It’s not like you need my approval, Brooks. You like her, ask her out. It’s as simple as that,” I stated matter-of-factly, hoping to make this conversation less stilted.

Brooks slowly opened the package of cookies and pulled one out. “Well, I’d like to know what you think of her. There’s nothing wrong in that, right?” he challenged. What did he want me to say? Why did I get the feeling I wasn’t giving him what he wanted to hear?

I shrugged, tightening my ponytail, which had come loose. “Sure, if you want. I’m around all weekend.”

Brooks munched on his cookie and seemed to be mulling something over. “Why don’t you ever go out, Aubrey? I hope I didn’t ruin you for guys forever?” he teased, and I was relieved that he seemed less serious.

I snorted. “Yeah, after you I’ve started to rethink lesbianism,” I joked. The skin around Brooks’s eyes tightened, but his lips curved into a smile.

“Now, that would be such a waste,” he replied, and I chuckled a bit nervously.

“What’s up with that guy from your group? The one in the hall? He seemed kind of weird.” And here it was. The topic we had both been avoiding.

I cleared my throat and trained my eyes back on my notebook. “He’s just a guy. I don’t really know him,” I lied. My mind instantly flashed to him and me in the hallway last week. His hand stretching and pressing the most intimate parts of me, the look of wild desire on his face.

I crossed my legs in an effort to stave off the sudden warmth between my thighs at the memory of the foolish, extremely stupid, but mind-blowing things we had done. If I closed my eyes and concentrated, I could still feel his fingers moving inside me, his breath on my neck as I came.

Fuck.

“Really? Because the way he was looking at you was downright . . . proprietary,” Brooks said lightly, though I didn’t miss the underlying accusation or the flash of potent jealousy.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“What are you saying?” I asked defensively, not appreciating his insinuation, no matter how truthful it was.

Brooks’s eyes shifted away, and he looked ashamed. “Nothing, Aubrey. Forget I brought it up.”

I thought about pressing him. I wanted to hear his suspicions, and just maybe I could share what had happened with him. I hated the secrets. I hated the guilt. And most of all I hated the bone-crushing want that dampened my will. I needed to talk to someone about this dangerous place I found myself in with Maxx. I worried that I was entirely too close to making the worst mistake of my life.

I must have been experiencing early senility if I thought for one second that Brooks was the person I could confide in. Whatever our friendship was, seeing his face, pinched and unhappy, I knew that confessing my sins where Maxx Demelo was concerned was not wise.

The silence in the room was deafening. Neither of us said anything. You could taste our discomfort, and it was bitter on the tongue.

Brooks let out a noisy sigh. “Aubrey . . . ,” he began, but before he could finish his thought, the front door flew open and Renee hurried inside.

Brooks met my eyes in astonishment as we both took in the sight of my roommate. She was huddled in her black leather coat, her red hair matted down the sides of her face. Her head was bowed low as she shuffled into the apartment.

Her shoulders quivered, and I knew she was crying. She didn’t say a word as she dropped her purse on the floor and practically ran back to her room. Her door clicked softly as she disappeared behind it.

“What was that about?” Brooks asked, our earlier weirdness gone. I looked down the hallway, knowing that something was most definitely wrong.

“I don’t know, but I think I’d better go back there and find out,” I told him, getting to my feet, thankful, in a completely selfish way, for Renee’s timely entrance, whatever the reason.

Brooks grunted in frustration. “Don’t put on the white knight getup just yet. It’s probably just another slice of the Devon Keeton bullshit pie. You don’t need to get bogged down in that crap,” he warned me, and for the first time his dismissal of Renee irked me.

“Well, she’s still my friend, and I should check on her. I think you’d better head on out,” I said shortly, letting him know by my tone that I didn’t appreciate his comment.

Brooks frowned, knowing he’d pissed me off. “Look, Aubrey, I didn’t mean anything by what I said. But this is the same ol’ rodeo, you know. Don’t start thinking you can make this all better for her, because there are some people who don’t want the help. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be,” he said angrily. I had to wonder whether it was Renee we were really talking about.