Maxx looked up at me. “You’ve never been sledding before, have you?” he deduced.

I shook my head. I felt like an idiot. But we didn’t get a whole lot of snow in North Carolina. A few flakes and the world shut down. Half an inch closed school, but it had never been enough to sled in.

Maxx scooted back in his sled and patted the spot in front of him. “We’ll go down together,” he said.

“We’ll be too heavy. There’s no way that will work,” I reasoned.

“Actually, you go faster with more weight,” a little boy standing beside me piped up. I looked down at him and frowned.

“That’s not helping right now,” I told him.

The boy, who didn’t look a day over seven and was decked out in head-to-toe snow gear, rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be such a wimp,” he said.

Maxx snorted, and my mouth dropped open. Was this kid making fun of me?

“You heard the little dude. Don’t be such a wimp,” Maxx goaded. Not wanting to look like an ass in front of a grade-schooler, I sat down on the sled in front of Maxx and squished my legs inside the frame.

Maxx’s legs pressed into mine, and he wrapped his arms around my middle, pulling me back tightly against his front. Even through the layers of our clothing, I felt the heat of his body.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and kissed my neck. “Here we go. Hold on tight,” he whispered softly, stirring the hairs by my ear. The boy was smirking at me, and I stuck my tongue out at him. He widened his eyes and ran off.

“Wow, that was mature, Aubrey.” Maxx laughed. I shrugged.

“He deserved it,” I quipped, feeling warm and tingly as Maxx’s chuckle vibrated against my back.

And then, without giving me a chance to prepare myself, Maxx pushed us off and we sailed down the hill. My hair blew back, and the wind was cold on my face. I screamed like a wuss the whole way down.

When we got to the bottom, we hit a snowdrift and popped up into the air. Maxx and I both went flying off the sled. I landed with a thud on my back, wet sludge sliding down my face. I stayed that way, staring at the sky, trying to get my breath back.

Suddenly Maxx was leaning over me, grinning like a fool. “Wasn’t that awesome?”

He helped me to my feet and brushed snow from my jeans. I patted my arms and legs, searching for broken bones.

Maxx grabbed my hand and started marching back up the hill. “Let’s do it again,” he called out, pulling me after him.

I tripped and fell, bringing Maxx down with me. I laughed and grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down the back of his shirt. He yelped and tried to remove it.

I was doubled over in fits of near hysterics as I watched my boyfriend hop around trying to get the snow out of his shirt.

And then he stopped, and I knew that mischievous glint in his blue eyes was bad news. He slowly and purposefully bent down and scooped up a handful of snow. “You wanna play like that, huh?” he asked me, patting the cold stuff into a tight, compact ball.

I held my hands up and started to back away. “Don’t you dare, Maxx! I swear to God . . .” I let my threat trail off because then I was running and Maxx was chasing me. I felt the snowball hit the center of my back.

“Get her!” I heard the same little boy from earlier yell, and then I was running not only from Maxx but from four kids who were all hurling snow.

Maxx tackled me in the snow and shielded me as the kids pelted us. “I say we join forces,” he said into my ear.

I nodded, and then we were on our feet and running after our would-be attackers. They screeched as we began our epic snow battle.

By the time we called a cease-fire, I had laughed so hard my cheeks hurt and my sides ached. The kids loved Maxx. I snickered as he walked up the hill with three boys hanging off him like monkeys. He was a natural with them, and watching him interact so easily with the children made my heart constrict tightly in my chest.

I never thought I could have so much fun freezing my ass off. By the time we left the field, I was exhausted and happier than I could remember being in a long time.

Maxx handed me the thermos as we trekked back to the car. I unscrewed the top and took a drink of the still-warm hot chocolate. I gave him a sideways grin. “Chocolate?” I asked.

Maxx smirked. “I remember what it takes to butter you up,” he replied.

I stopped in the middle of the darkened path and turned to him. I twined my arms around his neck and pulled his head down so that my lips could touch his.

I opened my mouth and slid my tongue along his. He groaned in the back of his throat and gathered me tighter against him. The snow was still coming down, and my clothes were drenched, but I didn’t care.

The only thing I cared about, the only thing that mattered, was this man in my arms.

I pulled away, and Maxx rested his forehead against mine. “What was that for?” he asked softly.

I ran my fingers through his wet hair, ignoring the numbness of my fingers. “For surprising me,” I answered just as softly, grinning up at him.

Maxx’s fingers dug into my back. “Remind me to surprise you more often,” he growled, nipping at my bottom lip.

I giggled and reached up to kiss him again, but Maxx stopped me.

I cocked my head questioningly as I looked up into his suddenly serious face.

“What is it, Maxx?” I asked him.

He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“I love you, Aubrey,” he said in an almost agonized whisper, as though his confession was ripped out of him by force, as though saying the words pained him.

I frowned and touched his face with the back of my cold hand. He opened his eyes, and they shone in the growing darkness. My lips parted and I wanted to say something back.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too.

Because I did.

It had been a gradual building of emotion that I recognized even without ever having experienced it before.

It was love. Pure and total love.

But for some reason, the words stuck in my throat. I stood there gaping like a fish as Maxx stared down at me, his eyes beseeching, pleading with me to reciprocate.

And I did.

So why couldn’t I say the words he needed to hear? The words I wanted to say?

The silence stretched and lengthened, and still I said nothing.

Finally Maxx let out an awkward laugh and looked away. I felt horrible. I had held back from him when he needed something from me so desperately. I hadn’t been able to give it to him.

And why?

I couldn’t explain why I was so hesitant to verbalize the feelings inside me. Perhaps it was the lingering mistrust or the mounting fear of failure.

I was furious with myself for ruining a perfect day with my insecurities.

Maxx lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. He smiled, but his eyes, which had been happy and content minutes before, were now tinged with sadness.

“Let’s get back to my place. I think I still owe you a fettuccine Alfredo,” he said, threading his fingers through mine as we made our way back to his car.

“Maxx,” I began, but he shook his head before I could continue.

“Don’t say anything, Aubrey. Let’s go home, and I’ll make you the best damned Alfredo you’ve ever eaten,” he stated, his voice hard even as he tried to act unaffected.

I blinked away the tears that were building, and I gave him a shaky smile.

“Sounds great.”

aubrey

after our day in the snow, I thought we had hit a turning point in our relationship. Even after my inability to verbalize my feelings, we had a wonderful evening together.

We had gone back to Maxx’s apartment, and he had made me dinner. He had obviously taken the time to straighten up his small apartment and had even vacuumed the carpet.

He had put a lot of effort into making the night special. I had helped him mix the sauce and make the salad. Then we had eaten his overcooked pasta and slightly burned garlic bread by the light of a dozen candles.