As she let herself into her apartment, she wondered if lying to herself had become her new mantra.

A knock at her door wrung her from the deep dredges of a dreamless sleep. When the person showed no signs of going away, Julie grumbled and rolled out of bed. She didn't bother trying to make herself presentable because the way she saw it, whoever had the audacity to show up at such an ungodly hour deserved to see her looking like a hungover hag.

She glanced at the clock on her way out of the bedroom. Oops, maybe ten thirty wasn't exactly an ungodly hour, but still, it was Sunday and Julie's only full day off.

Almost to the door, she had the unsettling thought that it could be Nathan here to take up where they'd left off the night before. She already felt like a train wreck. Facing Nathan right now would be like getting backed over by a Mac truck. Repeatedly.

Remembering Nathan's admonishment about opening the door to just anyone, she cracked it, leaving the chain on, and peered out.

"Julie?"

She quickly closed the door and yanked the chain off then opened the door wide. Serena stood there, her expression troubled.

"Can I come in?"

Julie tilted her head in confusion. "Of course. Come in. Why on earth would you need to ask a question like that?"

She turned and led the way into the living room, Serena's soft steps pattering behind her.

"I was worried you might be angry with me. Or with Damon."

Julie stopped and turned in front of the couch. "Do you want something to eat or drink? I just got up, so I'm not my best right now."

Serena took her hands in hers and urged her to sit down with her on the couch.

"Are you angry with us?"

Julie smiled. "No, hon, I'm not angry with you and Damon. Why would I be?"

"Damon said you found out about Nathan and Micah. Nathan's worried about you. So are Micah and Damon. So am I. Nathan said you looked ... well, he said you weren't yourself when you left. I knew this was a bad idea, but I went along with it because you seemed to want Nathan so much, and he wanted you."

Serena gave her an unhappy look as she trailed off.

"You have nothing to feel guilty over, Serena. Damon either. He gave me what I wanted. Anonymous sex."

Serena frowned harder. "So what now?"

Julie laughed and scrubbed a hand over her bleary eyes. "That's a good question. Nothing, I guess. I'd already decided before I met up with Nathan and Micah that I wasn't going back for more."

"You sound remarkably calm about all this," Serena said doubtfully.

"Hmm. Well, to be honest, what am I supposed to get pissed about? I was a little embarrassed when I realized the truth, but that pissed me off more than figuring out I'd been had. I gave as good as I got. I have nothing to be embarrassed over."

Serena grinned. "That's the Julie I know and love. Not this kicked-puppy thing you've got going on."

Julie chuckled. "I sulked a little when I got home, but honestly, it's not some great betrayal. I pulled one over on Nathan. He retaliated. He didn't deceive me, because I asked Damon for anonymity. In hindsight I'm a little relieved that the two guys weren't complete strangers. And it certainly helped that they were so damn good in the sack."

"So what about poor Nathan? Are you going to give the guy a break? He's making himself crazy over you."

"I haven't decided his fate yet," Julie said thoughtfully. "I don't want to let him off lightly. I may not be pissed, but he went to some serious lengths to pull this over on me."

"I don't like that look," Serena said slowly. "You're usually plotting evil when you get that look."

Julie gave her best innocent smile. "Who, me?"

"Sooo, tell me the answer to the million-dollar question."

Julie arched a brow. "Which one is that?"

"How are Faiths leftovers in bed?"

Julie's mouth dropped open. "You bitch. You had to go there, didn't you?"

Serena snickered, her eyes bubbling with mischief. "You're the one who said you'd never sleep with a friend s leftovers."

"In answer to your question, he was damn good. Not as good as Nathan, but still good. At least Faith has never slept with Nathan!"

"Now that you have a threesome out of your system, how was it? All you thought it would be?"

"Who the hell says it's out of my system?"

Serena snorted. "Knowing you, it's not."

"It was . . . exciting. Decadent. Had that edgy, forbidden feel to it."

"But?"

"No but."

"I could swear I heard a 'but' in there."

Julie smiled gently. How could she tell Serena the 'but' was seeing her and Damon? That before she witnessed the absolute beauty of their love she would have said the nights with Nathan and Micah had been the best of her life?

"Maybe I just want more these days than some hot, sweaty sex and mindless bumping and grinding."

Serena looked at her, mouth open. "But that's precisely what you said you wanted. No messy emotion. No expectations."

"I know. Stupid of me, isn't it?"

"It's not stupid, Julie. It just seemed to have come from left field."

"Put it this way. I saw something pretty damn special, and it made me realize what I was missing. Now, I haven't decided if I want it yet. I'm holding out hope that if I give myself enough time to come to my senses that I'll smack myself on the head and stay the course."

"I wish Faith was here. She'd help me pry information out of those clamlike lips of yours."

Julie smiled. "It was sweet of you to come over this morning. I'm sorry I worried you, but you know I'm glad to see you."

"You had Damon worried too. He struggled over the ethics of allowing Nathan to participate in your fantasy. Micah might be his friend, but he's very protective of the women who come to The House."

"Damon is a great guy," Julie said casually. "When are you going to put him out of his misery?"

A peculiar look crossed Serena's face.

"What?" Julie asked, latching onto that look. "What was that look? You aren't taking a page out of Faith's book and dumping the man, are you? Don't make me hurt you."

Serena flopped back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "If I tell you this you're going to think I'm the biggest moron on the face of the planet."

"I'm afraid that particular title is mine," Julie said. "So spill."

Serena sighed. "I've been so preoccupied with worrying over whether this whole thing with Damon would last. What if I wouldn't want the type of relationship he wants long term? What if we got to that point and he couldn't accept that I no longer wanted it? What if, what if, what if until I've driven myself crazy with all the what-ifs."

"Recognizing your illness is the first step in your recovery," Julie said sagely.

Serena laughed. "Oh stop, Julie. I'm being serious here."

"Continue on," Julie said with a wave of her hand.

"When he asked me to marry him, all I could think was that in his position of power, how could he ever know why I accepted? Every time he's asked me, the power is weighted toward him. I don't know but it made me uncomfortable. I want... I want our marriage to start out on equal terms even if during the course of it I cede control and power to him."