The internship was an easy ploy to rid her of Simon. Watching the sadness from Claire and his family today, there was a part of Tony that hated what happened. But it was Simon’s fault. He should have just left Claire alone, but no. His actions in Chicago resulted in the consequences today in Madison.

He beheld her sleeping face on his leg. That day so many years ago she’d been all alone. Today he did what he wanted to do then. It was him, not Emily, not John. She needed him. This wasn’t an occasion for smiles, but knowing she was asleep, he grinned.

As they landed in Iowa he gently woke his wife. It was only about six in the evening but the sky was dark and spitting snow. They hurried from the plane to the warm waiting car. Tony asked Claire a question, “Where would you like to go for our anniversary?”

“Some place sunny and warm.” The desire she didn’t say aloud: alone.

  Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.

But to hold it together when everyone else would understand

ifyoufellapart,that’struestrength. —Unknown

 Chapter 45

November fluctuates between autumn and winter. Technically, winter doesn’t begin until after the winter solstice. But as it approaches, the days dramatically decrease in length, and the darkness increases. Some days in November include brilliant blue skies and crisp, intense sunshine. The contrast and fluctuations in weather and life created the unpredictable pressures that defined Claire’s existence. She stressed when Tony was good because she knew it may not last. She worried when he was bad because she knew how bad he could be.

During a private girls’ lunch, Courtney approached the subject again. Since the completion of the silent auction, the frequency of their lunch dates had decreased. Claire desperately missed them. Therefore, following Simon’s memorial, she was elated to receive another invitation accompanied by Tony’s eagerness for her to accept. He said, “I think you need some fun.” She couldn’t have agreed more.

They spent the afternoon in Bettendorf eating, shopping, walking, and talking. Courtney knew about Simon. She knew an old friend of Claire’s had approached her at one of Tony’s speaking events and that Tony wasn’t pleased. She didn’t know the entire story. She also knew about Simon’s sudden death and Tony’s remarkable support. Courtney made Claire laugh, and that was monumental for Claire’s precarious mental health.

Courtney talked about the impending holidays. She expectantly waited for her children to return home from their points of interest and settle in for holiday celebrations. Claire liked the Simmons children, who weren’t really children. They were in their twenties—one still in graduate school, the other beginning a career as an investment banker in St. Louis. Neither married, but their son Caleb had a steady girlfriend. Courtney liked her and hoped that Caleb would pop the question soon. She and Brent wanted to be grandparents. It seemed strange that Claire was only two years older than Caleb, and Courtney was her best friend.

Another exciting topic for Courtney was her impending trip. Tony finally recognized Brent’s hard work and awarded him a substantial Christmas bonus. He told Brent before the holidays so that Brent could plan some nice surprise for Courtney. Brent didn’t want to risk Courtney’s disapproval, so he included her in the planning from the beginning. They were going to Fiji, similar to Tony and Claire’s honeymoon. Refusing to miss Christmas with their children, they wouldn’t go until after the first of the year. Courtney asked Claire lots of questions. Her excitement was contagious. Claire told Courtney everything she could remember. Mostly the destination equaled paradise and don’t worry about packing too many clothes, they didn’t seem to stay on in paradise.

Courtney understood Claire’s privacy issues. Most of their confidential discussions occurred while walking or driving. Claire couldn’t risk someone overhearing. “Honey, I’m really worried about you. I know losing a friend is hard, but it just seems like you have been going down since before Simon’s death.”

Claire didn’t even try to act fine. “I just don’t know. I feel empty and tired all the time.”

“If there is anything I can do for you,” she squeezed Claire’s hand, “I’ll do it.”

“I think afternoons like this are the best medicine.” Courtney agreed laughter would help. So they laughed. They walked in shops, read funny cards and plaques, and had fun.

When Claire returned that night she felt lighter. She tried with all her might to continue the feeling into her home and her suite. The fact that Tony tried to help wasn’t lost on Claire. He immediately showed her an e-mail from Emily, volunteering, “She wants you to call early before John gets home. I think you should call before dinner.”

They went to Tony’s office and Claire tried again. She’d been trying to reach her for almost two weeks, since the first of November. This time Emily answered on the first ring. “Hello?”

Talking on the speaker phone, “Hi, Emily, it is Claire. We’ve been worried. Is everything all right?”

“I don’t think so. I asked you to call early so I could talk without John here.”

“I was out with Courtney today. I called as soon as I got your e-mail.” That was all true.

“He isn’t home yet. Is Anthony there?”

Claire hesitated, should she lie or be truthful? “He is. Do you want to talk to him?”

“I don’t know, maybe he can help.” Tony looked at Claire and raised his eyebrows in question.

“I could put you on speaker phone so he can hear too.” Emily said that would be a good idea. Tony pushed a button to create an audible change, and said hello. Emily said hello. They could hear her voice crack. Claire asked her sister, “Emily, what’s wrong?”

“You know the deadline for partnership decisions was the first?” Claire said she did, Tony acknowledged her audibly too. “Well, it has been extended.”

Claire broke in, always the optimist, “So that isn’t necessarily bad, they’re still undecided.”

“But now the auditor, the person verifying all the accounting information, is questioning John, a lot. John has been asked to verify everything. He is rummaging through old records and spending hour after hour documenting and authenticating his previous work.” Claire and Tony were engaged in concerned eye contact.

Tony responded first. “Emily, I am sure it is some kind of formality. John works for a very prestigious firm, they just want every T crossed and every I dotted.”

“Anthony, I hope you’re right.” They could hear her sniffles. “He pretends to be unconcerned, but I can tell that isn’t the case.”

“He is probably sick of the controlling procedure and stress.” Claire could relate, trying to rationalize and validate every move you make can become tiresome.

“I believe he is offended. Claire, you know John. He would never do anything that wasn’t completely honest and honorable.” She debated about adding to John’s fan club.

Tony responded first. “We did our research prior to offering him a job. I know he is one of the most honest and honorable attorneys anywhere.” Claire scanned her husband’s expression. She only saw sincerity.

“I second that, Em. It will be okay. Let them scrutinize John’s records, there’s nothing dishonest or deceitful to discover.”

“Thank you, really, both of you. John didn’t want me telling you. That’s why I haven’t answered your calls, but I really wanted you to know.”