Ten forty-five he finally finished. She waited for him to complete whatever he was doing on his computer. Once he was done she heard his chair turn toward her. “Ahh, blue, my favorite color,” he said as he eyed the sweater as she walked toward him. “You are beautiful in any color.” His eyes were appreciative of what he could see and what he couldn’t. “Or in no color.” And he smiled and reached out to put his hands around her waist. “I have one more web conference at eleven, then two lunch phone calls. I would like you back after those.” It sounded like a request, it wasn’t.

“It is so nice out. I would like to go for a hike while you are working.” Wording was such an intricate part of her negotiations.

“No, the phone calls may need to be postponed depending on the outcome of the next web conference. I would like you here if I am done earlier. We can lunch and discuss our possible afternoon activities.” He had turned back to his computer screen and read while he spoke.

Claire took a breath, leaned down to his neck, and gently kissed it. She’d been good, he knew she was upset about her family, and she hoped that she could press a little more. “Well,” exhaling purposely on his neck, “then may I just go out back? The sky is so clear and I could really use some fresh air.”

He was obviously engrossed in his computer but her approach earned her a seductive grin. “Okay, just be back by noon. And could you get me some coffee before you go?” Claire started to ask where Catherine or another member of the staff was, but deciding that it could delay her trip to the backyard, she kissed his neck. “Yes.”

In the kitchen she found coffee still warm in the pot. She added cream, carried it back to his office, and waited. It was now ten fifty-seven. Tony rummaged through some papers and simultaneously spoke on his iPhone. Hanging up he said, “Tell Eric there are contracts at the Iowa City office. I need them here before one o’clock. He needs to get them immediately.” Claire thought about how he was trying to keep her busy at home. She really didn’t mind, but she wanted to go on her walk. He saw the question in her eyes. “And after that, go for your walk, just be back by noon.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Okay. I will tell Eric and be back.”

She hurried to find Eric. Claire asked Catherine about Eric’s whereabouts and explained she would be in the backyard if Mr. Rawlings needed her before noon. Catherine directed Claire to Eric’s apartment attached to the main garage. She started back toward the garages, a walk she rarely took. She didn’t drive, and when she went anywhere Eric or Tony picked her up at the front door.

The walkway between the main house and garages was beautiful. The windows, on both sides continued the full length of the hall and were so clear they seemed invisible. She looked at the sky and thought about her sister and brother-in-law. Emily sounded so distraught on the phone last night. The fact Tony reminded her to call was a miracle in itself. The fact that she spoke on speaker phone was expected. Claire couldn’t believe that John was actually in jail. The charges of embezzlement and fictitious client billing were ludicrous. John would never cheat on a test, much less do any of these things. That was what made John such an amazing attorney, he was honest beyond honest. Claire tried to reassure Emily. She wanted to go to her and help. However, Tony would never allow that. Perhaps she could send money for John’s defense. After all, wasn’t Tony telling her all the time how much capital she possessed? If money wasn’t good for accomplishing what you want, what good was it?

Her thoughts quickly changed to the beautiful cars as she entered the garages. Tony definitely liked his cars. Claire knew they had multiple new ones since her arrival. It was too bad she didn’t drive. Sighing, she thought, It has been almost two years.

Light filtered from under the apartment door as Claire knocked. Eric immediately answered. What she could see of his apartment looked like a nicely decorated living room with a dining area attached. “Yes, Mrs. Rawlings, may I help you?”

“Eric, Mr. Rawlings said there are some contracts at his Iowa City office that he must have by one o’clock. If you go immediately you will be back in time.” As Claire spoke, Eric grabbed his coat and hat. He unlocked a cabinet on the wall that contained keys to all the cars, took out the keys to the BMW 7 Series, and shut the cabinet.

Hurriedly Eric looked at his watch. “Ma’am, tell Mr. Rawlings I will be back before twelve thirty.” He got into the car.

“I will, drive safely.” Claire figured it could wait until she saw him at noon. As Eric pulled out of the garage Claire noticed the key cabinet. It did not shut properly, revealing the keys to multiple cars. Suddenly nervous, Claire contemplated the keys. She should shut the cabinet. Then she could go out to the backyard for air. Or she could take a set of keys and drive to as much air as she wanted. She wasn’t thinking air for a lifetime, only enough air to breathe.

The decision took only seconds yet it seemed like an eternity. She reached in and grabbed the first set she touched and hit the clicker. The lights on the Mercedes Benz flashed. In the midst of unpredictability she did her best to be stable and obedient. This sudden impulsiveness filled her with excitement and fear. Before she could talk herself out of it, she sat in the car, smelled the new car aroma, felt the leather steering wheel, and turned the key.

Her motivation was not to leave Tony forever. It was just that she felt smothered. The constant monitoring, censoring, and controlling added to her sense of psychological instability. And the different Tonys added another dimension to her suffocation. A brief reprieve or a momentary freedom would help her sanity. Besides, she told him a year ago she liked to drive. That is all she wanted to do, drive.

  Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,

tillyouknowthereisnohookbeneathit. —Thomas Jefferson

 Chapter 47

The dashboard in front of her looked more like something from a helicopter, dials and lights coming to life. She tried to remain calm. Driving hadn’t changed in twenty-two months. She just needed to put the car in gear and push the accelerator. Trembling at the prospect of the simplistic task, she almost ran into the garage door. However, she remembered to push the button, wait for the door to lift, and concentrate on breathing—slowly inhaling and exhaling. The door opened, and cautiously, she proceeded down the driveway. Claire prayed that if anyone saw the car, they would assume it was Eric. At the gates, she again pushed a button, the one she’d seen Eric push many times. At first, they seemed to hesitate, but then the gates swung wide.

She drove toward I-80 and inhaled. It was the sweetest air she’d smelled in almost two years. The clock on the dashboard read 11:16. In forty-four minutes, Tony would expect her in his office. She reasoned that perhaps the web conference would go long, and he wouldn’t notice her absence. Or maybe the phone calls would start, and he would be preoccupied. She knew the truth: Tony could do ten things at once. Come twelve and one second he’d be irritated, by twelve fifteen he’d be fuming. Feeling her heart rate intensify, she wondered what would happen when they reunited. What kind of punishment would he decide is appropriate for this behavior? Feeling her wet palms slide on the leather steering wheel, she chose to not linger on the possibilities. The Mercedes was now heading east on I-80. Her mind searched for possible destinations. Courtney—no, she is out of town. Emily—no, that is the first place Tony would check.