“Of course you are. You’re a growing young man. You probably have a lot of things on your mind, perhaps a young woman?” Anton didn’t reply. Sharron continued, “Are you planning on watching television downstairs?”

“Yes, it’s the final season of Hawaii Five-O. I didn’t want to miss the show.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of that show. May I watch it with you?”

Anton feigned a smile, of course he wouldn’t tell her no. Nevertheless, he didn’t want her there. Not because he didn’t love his grandmother, but because she’d talk throughout the entire program. He much preferred quiet. Nonetheless, he responded, “Sure, come on down.”

Sharron followed her grandson toward the seldom used television room. Once they reached their destination, Anton turned on the large television, and Sharron settled onto the soft sofa. It was then she asked, “Nathaniel, what is it we’re watching?”

Anton exhaled and turned to his grandmother, “We are watching Hawaii Five O and I’m Anton.”

She smiled lovingly at her grandson, her expression a combination of love and confusion. Slowly the clouds passed from her gaze, and she stared directly at his deep brown eyes. “Yes, Hawaii Five O and of course Anton, why would you tell me your name? You are the light of our lives.”

He smiled. It wasn’t a smile of happiness, more a pacifying act to quiet her reasoning. He’d heard it before. She could talk her way out of any misstep. Actually, as long as he could remember she’d been doing that: saying something totally off base, or doing something weird, and justifying it, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Half way through the episode, Anton gave up on hearing the actors speak. “Grandmother, I just remembered my mother wants me upstairs. I think I should go up there.”

She smiled, “Yes, of course. Please give Margarete my love.”

He walked to the television and turned off the set. It wasn’t worth the correction or explanation. Margarete was his great-grandmother, Nathaniel’s mother. Dying before Anton’s birth, she was someone he’d never met. “I will Grandmother. I’m sure she feels the same.”

His grandmother snickered, “We both know that isn’t true. But, please tell her anyway.”

“I will.”

Anton wondered if his grandmother was talking about her relationship with her mother-in-law or her daughter-in-law. He didn’t wonder enough to question. The answer would take longer than he was willing to commit. Besides, Anton knew from experience, at the end of the conversation, his question could easily remain unanswered.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. 

—Eleanor Roosevelt

Chapter 7

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Courtney’s apprehension came through Claire’s newest disposable cellphone. It was her second pay as you go phone. Only Emily and Courtney had this number, and Emily had a new similar phone she used to communicate. Of course, Courtney would also only call with a pay as you go phone, and yes, she had a new one. None of these numbers could be traced back to the number Tony knew.

“If you won’t give it to me, I’ll get it some other way.” Claire’s voice rang strong and resolute.

After Claire collected herself from her meltdown in the bathroom stall the night before, she decided to meet her problem head on. Her problem: her ex-husband Anthony Rawlings.

 “Seriously Courtney, don’t you understand? I’m not going to live my life running. I won’t let him have that control. If I flee every time he’s near, he wins. I’m making a life out here. I want to live it.”

Courtney sat in her kitchen and stared into her backyard. The Iowa spring was struggling to break through the gray veil of winter. Patches of ice and snow speckled the pale remnants of lawn. In another month the grass would begin to green and life would renew. Courtney contemplated her friend; she deserved renewal too. “Claire, how will having his private number help that?”

“Because he thinks he can call and disrupt my life. The only way to stop him is to turn the tables. I need to have equal opportunity to initiate contact.”

“I guess I understand. But, don’t you think he’ll wonder how you got it? I mean – it’s blocked. I know you know that.”

“I do. I’ve seen his contact list, it has lots of people. He isn’t as isolated as he thinks. It just takes one of those many people.”

Courtney continued to watch the scene outside of her window. Near her elbows on her table sat a list of Saturday afternoon activities. Julia, her future daughter-in-law, would be over soon they had many things to accomplish before the quickly approaching wedding. Next to her half full mug of coffee was her list of proposed guests. She glanced at the list of rehearsal dinner locations and caterers. They had appointments with three of them this afternoon.

Their son, Caleb, recently started his own investment company in a Chicago suburb. It was the only plausible reason he would leave Tony’s employment. Luckily, Caleb was convincing when explaining to Tony his desire to - make it on his own. Being an entrepreneur himself, Tony actually encouraged Caleb’s independent spirit. This scenario also gave credence to the removal of some of Brent and Courtney’s Rawlings stock options. They wanted their capital to help finance their son’s endeavors. Courtney’s thoughts kept her from responding.

Claire misinterpreted the silence, “I understand. I really do. If you can’t help me, I’ll find someone else…” her disappointment audible.

“No, I will. Let me get my other phone, it’s programed in there.”

Claire quickly replied, “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

Before Courtney could respond to Claire’s gratitude, the sound of multiple voices came through Claire’s receiver. She sat cross legged on her bed fifteen hundred miles away listening to the conversation.

Courtney was so caught up in her conversation and thoughts she didn’t hear the doorbell or her husband’s voice, until he and Tony reached the kitchen.

Brent spoke first, “Look who stopped by.”

“Hello Courtney, I’m sorry for the intrusion. I was on my way home and wanted to talk to your husband for a few minutes.” His deep voice contained its usual friendly tone he used with Courtney.

She covered the phone with her hand and smiled her brightest smile, “Oh Tony, so nice to see you.” Courtney stood to give him a customary hello hug and hoped he wouldn’t notice her accelerated heart rate. “I’m just trying to finalize some wedding plans, if you two will excuse me. It’ll just take another minute.” The two men nodded and looked at the papers on the table. Brent opened the refrigerator, handed Tony a bottle of water, and noticed Courtney’s small black phone, not her usual Blackberry.

“Come on Tony, let’s go to my office. Believe me; you don’t want to be in her way when there’re wedding plans to finalize.”

Tony laughed. “That’s fine. This will only take a few minutes.” Turning back to Courtney, “It’s nice to see you.”

She nodded toward the men as they left the kitchen. Courtney grabbed her Blackberry and stepped through an archway to the sunporch, increasing the distance from her husband’s office. “Shit.” She whispered into the small telephone.

“Oh god, Courtney, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. Let me get you the number. Just please wait until he leaves before you call.”

“I will. Honestly, I’m not sure when I’ll call. I just want to know I can.”

Momentarily, Courtney smiled as she scrolled her contacts. Looking toward the archway and back toward the kitchen, she quietly gave Claire the ten requested digits. Then she added, “I hope you know – I truly hate him for what he did to you.”