I enjoy the stretching sensation as he starts pushing in. It takes a couple of thrusts and he’s in to the hilt, and I don’t think he’s even going to have to move to have me coming.

“Fuck, Kitten,” he repeats, “I’ve waited too long for this, too fucking long.” He slides his hands under my arse cheeks, tilts my hips and grinds into me.

“I love you, Cam. I love you so fucking much. Fuck me, please. Get right inside me. Just you, I just want you, all of you inside me.” I don’t know if anything I’m saying is making sense. They’re just the words that are going around in my head and escaping from my mouth.

“Need me, Kitten. Tell me, tell me how much you fucking need me. Show me how much.”

I claw and scrape my nails over his scalp and his back. I grab at his arse and force him deeper inside me. His thrusts become more brutal and it’s exactly what I need to explode. I stop moving, my hips giving an occasional jerk of their own volition. I moan, again, giving up sounds of pleasure that I have no control over as my orgasm just rolls on and on. I feel his cock jerk inside me, one, two, three times as he fills me with warmth and growls in my ear, “You’re mine now. You’re fucking well mine. No running away, no leaving. You go, I will bring you back, every time, Kitten. I’ll hunt you down and tie you to my fucking bed.” I should be terrified, but being the weird little freak of a person that I am, I’m just turned on even more and before one orgasm has finished, I’m more than ready for another.

We both lay quietly panting, trying to catch our breath.

“So much for talking first,” I say quietly.

He looks down at me and shakes his head. “That’s one of the best conversations I think we’ve ever had.”

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he kisses my nose.

“Well, I didn’t hear a word you said. I need you to repeat yourself.” I tell him, and of course, he gives a little headshake.

He reaches up to the coffee table and he pulls down a box of tissues. We clean up and he shows me up to his bathroom and leaves me to shower while he goes to order food. That was a stupid thing to do. I think to myself as the water from the body jets sting my skin. We’ve discussed nothing. He is quite possibly already in a relationship with a woman and she’s carrying his child, and I’ve just let him fuck me, without a condom. Like the easy little whore that I am, I’ve let him fuck me without a thought about safe sex, and he must be thinking along the same lines as me; otherwise, why isn’t he in here with me? I know Cam. I know how much he likes to fuck, so why isn’t he in here fucking me now? I cry angry tears as I wash myself. I’m angry at me and at him, but mostly at this fucked-up situation.

I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel and use Cam’s toothbrush and deodorant. I even find some Nivea for men and moisturise my face with it. When I walk out to the bedroom, he’s lying on the bed, hands behind his head and his legs stretched out and crossed in front of him. There’s a pair of boxers and a hoodie folded up on the bed and he gestures towards them with his chin.

“Put them on and come here.” I want to say ‘fuck you, don’t tell me what to do.’ I want to have all the fight and bravado that I had when I was twenty, but right in that moment, I can’t find it, so I just do as he says, too afraid to speak in case I cry at what he’s about to say.

I pull the huge hoodie over my head and then take off the towel from around me. I pull on the boxers, and roll the top over in the hope that they stay up. I hold on to them as I climb up onto the huge bed and sit cross-legged, facing him.

“I didn’t want that to happen.” Tears sting my eyes and I feel humiliated at his words. I look down at my hands and a tear plops from my eye as I do. Fucking tears, how many can a human body produce in a lifetime? Surely if it’s a limited amount, mine should be drying up by now. I swallow hard a couple of times before looking up at him.

“I’m so sorry. Do you want me to go?”

He frowns. “What the fuck are you talking about, Kitten?” Now it’s my turn to frown. “You’re going nowhere. We’re gonna eat some food. Then I’m gonna talk and your gonna listen. There’ll be no touching, just talking, words, Kitten, saying and listening to words, no touching.” I’ve no idea what all of that means. All I know is that he doesn’t want me to go.

“So no more sex then?” He gives his head a shake, and then he gives me his sexy-arsed smile and I want to suck on his face.

“Maybe, once we’ve talked. If you still want to once I’ve said what I’ve got to say, and you’ve answered a few questions I need answering.” I nod in response. “Come here.”

“Where?” I ask, confused.

“Over here, on my lap.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You said no touching.”

“Fuck, yeah, I did.” He scratches at his head. “This is what you do to me. I don’t know if I’m on my head or my arse around you.” My belly flips a few times at his words. Good, I’m glad. I want him to feel as messed up by all of this as I am.

I smile and reach out with my little finger towards him. He watches my hand.

“What’re you doing?”

I smile as sweetly as I can at him. “Just our little finger. D’ya think it would be okay if we just touched them together?”

He shakes his head. “Kitten, I’m trying so hard to hang on here. If I touch any part of you, then I’m gonna want to touch all of you. I want you naked, under me and in my bed, your skin stuck to mine. I don’t want room for a single atom between us, but not until we talk and not until you eat. Coz once you’re in this bed, you’re not leaving any time soon.”

A buzzer sounds from beside him and he turns and speaks into the intercom at the side of the bed. A voice notifies him his takeaway has been delivered and he tells Jock to bring it up.

“Let’s go eat,” he says to me.

“You not gonna shower first?” I ask.

He winks at me. “Na, I smell of sex and you. Why would I wanna wash that away?” He walks away as I melt all over his bed.

Our relationship has always been sexual. Sean and I were always good together, compatible; we just knew each other so well, but with Cam, it’s always been different. With Sean, if we were in the same room, we had to touch, hold hands, sit shoulder to shoulder; however, we could work it, we would always be touching. With Cam, it’s always been more sexual. He could never pass me without biting or tweaking my nipple, putting his hand up my skirt or groping my arse, and I sit and wonder, is it just me he’s like that with, or is it like that with every woman who he’s fucking? Is it like that with his pregnant girlfriend too?

I throw myself back on his bed and let my legs dangle over the side. I’ve never felt like this in a relationship before. With Sean I was always confident of his love, even when we got back together and the truth came out about our separation. When he was on the road with the band, wherever he was touring, I always knew he loved me. I always trusted him completely, and when I was with Cam the first time around, I always felt I had the power. Perhaps it was because I’d convinced myself that I didn’t love him and it didn’t matter to me what he felt. Although, I know that if I’d caught him cheating, it would’ve been a massive blow to my self-esteem after what I thought Sean had done. Now though, everything is different. I feel so unsure. I’m overthinking every little comment he makes and I know I must sound like a needy, whiney little bitch, and I hate myself for it. My stomach lets out a loud growl just as Cam calls my name up the stairs. I actually don’t feel like food now. I feel like staying up here and sulking, but I know I need to eat. I get up with a sigh and stomp my way downstairs. Why is it I can find this sulky part of the old me easily enough, but the confident, spitting, snarling, all-guns-blazing part of me refuses to make an appearance?