“Actually, can I just say something?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Ashley sighs from across the table. “Will someone just say something?”

“Thanks for tonight,” Cam starts. “Lennon, Jamie, thanks for inviting me into your beautiful home, and all of you, thanks for making me feel welcome.” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hand over the stubble on his jaw that I wouldn’t let him shave off before we came out tonight. “Don’t think that I don’t appreciate and understand that this is probably a bit weird and probably difficult for you all as well. Sean was a big part of this family’s life for a very long time and he’s gone and suddenly here I am.” I watch him as he seems to look everyone in the eye. “I don’t want it to be awkward. I don’t want you not talking about Sean just because I’m here,” he shrugs, “and the thing is, I’m planning on being around for a while, well for good actually.” He pulls me in and kisses my temple. “Georgia and I bought a house today. We sign the paperwork tomorrow.”

There’re whoops and cheers, handshakes and cuddles. Len gets the champers out of the fridge that we brought with us and we all have a glass, Jim, Ash and Sam, all only having a tiny amount, I notice.

“So what’s your news, Jim?” I look across at my best friend and ask. She leans around Lennon and looks at Ash. “Right, I don’t want you to get mad,” she starts. I have no idea where this is going to go.

“After our little conversation at your mum’s the other night, Ash and I went to see Doctor Shepherd today.” My mouth is instantly dry. Doctor Shepherd is my fertility doctor, my baby maker. Why’ve they been to see him?

“We just wanted to be absolutely clear on what would be required of us, and because this is going to affect us and our families, the boys came with us too.” My head starts to spin. I’m holding one of Cam’s hands with both of mine, gripping it is probably closer to the correct term. They’ve changed their minds. I already know what they’re going to tell me. They’ve had time to think and they’ve changed their minds.

“What we’ve decided, George, and I know you’re not gonna like it.” Oh, God, the salmon fillet I had for dinner is about to make its way back up. “The thing is, you’re such a stress head and control freak, George, that we think the best way to go about all of this is for me and Ash to go and see him and have all of our procedures carried out without you being there.” My brain can’t process what she’s saying. It’s trying its hardest but remains completely blank. I’m starting to freak out. My breathing starts to alter and I get that familiar tingle in my toes. I don’t understand what they’re saying to me.

It’s been such a good week, a week where I’ve began to feel like me, like Georgia again. I’ve allowed myself to live, to love, to hope and dream, to feel, and that will be my downfall, allowing myself to feel. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I shouldn’t have allowed that, because now as it all gets pulled away from under me again. I just know the pain will crush me.

“Georgia,” I look up as Marley says my name, “breathe, G, breathe.” He shakes his head crossly. “See, this is exactly the reason we’re gonna do things this way. Look at the state you get yourself in.”

Someone places a glass of water in my hand and I take a sip. Cam kneels down in front of my chair and looks up at me with worried eyes.

“You okay, Kitten?” I nod. I’m not okay. I’m shaking and I feel clammy.

I look around at seven worried faces. Sam’s crying and gripping Bailey’s hand; the pair of them have hardly said a word all evening.

“Did you listen to all of that? Did you take any of what I said in?”

I shake my head at Jimmie. Ash starts to talk. “George, this is how it’s gonna happen. Starting from now, Jim and I are on a health kick. We’re gonna do everything we can to get knocked up with yours and King dick here’s kid. We’ve both agreed to support each other, and with the boys backing us as well, we’re gonna eat healthy, cut right down on the alcohol intake, no smoking, no drugs. We’re gonna be in the best possible shape we can be to give these babies a chance of being born. The problem is though, G, you being around makes us twitchy.” I frown as I listen to her words, my head still spinning. I have the beginnings of a migraine and a pain keeps shooting right through my eye. “We don’t want to worry about you worrying, George, so when you decide that you’re ready to go ahead with this, we want you to just leave it with us, just let us and the doctors do our thing.”

“You still wanna do this for us? You’re not saying no?”

Jimmie shakes her head and laughs. “No, George, of course we’re not saying no. Whenever you’re ready to go, so are we. Obviously, you two still have a lot to sort out. I mean, you’ve been together a week, right?” I nod as I reach for the glass of water I drank from a few moments ago.

I look up at Cam, who’s now sitting back in his chair next to me, then around at my brothers. “Are we mad d’ya think? We bought a house today. We’ve been together a week and tonight we’re discussing IVF, surrogacy and having children. We haven’t even discussed where we’re spending Christmas and yet we’re here with all of you discussing this.” I turn and look at Cam. “I don’t even know if you like turkey.” My thoughts are suddenly tumbling out of my mouth without any kind of filtration happening.

“See, George, you’re doing it again. Chill the fuck out will ya, babe,” Marley says.

Marley, my poor brother Marley. None of this can be easy for him.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? Please be honest with me, Marls.” Marley knocks back his glass of bourbon before answering me.

“To be perfectly honest, it’s breaking my heart, George.” He turns his eyes to Cam. “No disrespect to you, mate, but this is so fucking hard. Everything they went through to be together, the way they loved each other, he didn’t deserve that; she didn’t deserve that, no one deserves that.” I can see his lips start to tremble as he talks. His eyes are filled with tears as he shrugs. “I won’t lie and say that I don’t wish it was them we were doing this for. He was as much a brother to me as these two and I miss him every day, every minute of every day, but he’s gone and nothings gonna change that, and after watching her go through what she has… Seeing my little sister so desperate to die for so long, and to see her now, laughing, smiling, loving and knowing you’ve done that; you’ve helped get her there. You’ve given us our little sister Georgia back, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, and I know at the end of the day, all Maca would want is for G to be happy.”

Marley wipes his nose on his napkin. “Sorry, Jim, I’ve made your napkin all snotty.”

She leans across from where she’s sitting, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. “After that epic speech, I think I can let you off.”

“I love you, big brother Marley,” I tell him.

“Why do you say that? What is it with the big brother thing?” Ash asks. This is Bailey’s story to tell, being the eldest, he’s the only one who can remember how it started. He’s sitting next to me.

“You tell her, Bails.” He smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Both he and Sam look pale. “When Georgia was little she thought we were all called big brother for some reason, we don’t know how it started but she just called the three of us big brother, so then my mum and dad tried to get her to say our names by saying big brother Bailey, Lennon or Marley. She eventually learnt our names, but never dropped the big brother bit and we just got into the habit of calling her little sister Georgia in reply, and yeah, that’s basically it.” I love hearing that story and Cam must too as he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it, instantly sending a wave of goose bumps from the back of my hand to the tips of my toes.

“I’m pregnant,” Sam blurts out. We all turn and look in her direction.