I start to cry. I don’t know why, hurt, anger, a little bit of exhaustion. The stress of the IVF. We find out on Monday if we have managed to create a pregnancy.

What if all six embryos attach? What if we end up with six babies and these allegations turn out to be true?

What if I’m left on my own to bring up six children?

I slide down the wall of the shower, rest my forehead on my knees and really let the tears flow as I wonder, why me, why is this happening to me again?

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Cam

As soon as the seatbelt sign is off, I turn on my phone. Fuck what they say about waiting until you’re inside the terminal building and all that bollocks. I need my phone ready to rock ‘n’ roll once I get inside that terminal. I need to speak to my Kitten. It’s been thirteen hours. Thirteen fucking hours, on a plane, most of it with a hard on.

I’d spoken to her on my stopover, woken her up in fact. I smile as I think about how miserable she is in the mornings. I love the fucking bones of the girl, but she is one moody bitch until she’s had a coffee and sex, so I tell her to call me back when she’s had a coffee and feeling more sociable.

Sex. Fuck, I need sex like you wouldn’t believe. Ten days, ten fucking days, and then when I’m about to get on the plane, she calls me back, and in that sexy morning voice says to me,

“Tiger, I’ve had my coffee. Now all I need is an orgasm. You’re not here so I’m about to DIY it.”

“Kitten, don’t you fucking dare. I’m about to get on a plane for a thirteen hour flight. There is no way I’m wanking in an airplane toilet, so if I’ve gotta wait, then so have you, baby.”

“God, Tiger, I love it when you’re all dominant. Tell me what to do again. I’m so close. Ahh God, so close.”

I had to step out of the line of first class passengers waiting to board so they couldn’t all carry on enjoying the conversation.

“I’m fucking warning you. Don’t you dare come. You wait until tonight and you save that for me.”

She giggles down the phone, and fuck if that sound don’t do something to me. It’s like my heart, my belly and my balls all get squeezed at the same time.

“God, I love the fuck out of you, Kitten.” I know what she’s going to say. No matter how many times I ask her not to swear; she defies me. Every. Fucking. Time.

“And I fucking love the fuck out of you, Tiger. Now you go catch your plane, and I’ll go have a quick orgasm.”

I could hear a buzzing sound coming down the phone. “What the fuck’s that noise?”

“What noise?”

“That buzzing noise.”

“Oh, that, sorry, didn’t realise your hearing was so good for an old man.”

I cracked my jaw and moved it from side to side to release the tension. She’d told me she was going to buy a vibrator for when I was away and I told her no she wasn’t. She either comes with me or not at all.

“What. The. Fuck. Is. That. Buzzing. Kitten? I won’t ask you again.”

“Calm the fuck down, Tiger. It’s my toothbrush. I’ve got you on loud speaker while I clean my teeth.”

I feel my jaw and shoulders relax instantly.

“Don’t worry, T. My O’s are all yours, baby. I’ll be wet and waiting for you when you get home. D’ya want me naked or in that black lace number you like so much?”

Fuck, I had to walk completely away from the line now. My dick was so hard; it was hurting and I wasn’t sure that I hadn’t just come in my pants a little bit.

“Stockings,” I tell her down the phone. “Nothing else, just stockings and heels and I want you on the bed, knees up, legs open.”

“Fuck, Tiger, I won’t make it through the day. I’ve missed ya.”

“Kitten, you have no idea. Just a few more hours and I’ll be home and inside you, and just so you know, we’re never doing this again. Where I go, you go. These last ten days…” I actually get a lump in my throat as I think about how much I’ve missed her. “I’ve gotta go. I’m hard and missing ya. Just hold onto that thought.”

“I’m wet and waiting. You hold onto that.”

She ended the call and left me in that state, hard, with jizz leaking from my dick like a fucking school boy. I took off my jacket and carried it in front of me as I got on the plane, just in case.

* * *

The great thing about first class is that you don’t have to wait, first on, first off and first to collect your luggage; it’s there, all ready for you. No waiting, which is a good thing because I fucking hate waiting.

I call Kitten but it rings out and goes to answer phone. We haven’t had the landline connected at the house yet so her mobile is my only option. I try a couple more times and get the same result. I don’t know if it’s the years of ducking, diving and dodging bullets, but I feel a frisson of fear unexpectedly travel up my spine.

I gave Scotty the time off while I was away and told Benny to watch Georgia. I trust Scott but I trust Ben more, especially while I was so far away. It’s his number I call next. I know I’m going to see him in a minute, but I need to know that Kitten’s safe.

Before my call to Benny connects, my phone vibrates and bleeps as my messages and missed calls all start to come through. I look at my screen. It lights up continuously, message after message, missed call after missed call. Benny, Frank, Lennon, Jimmie, Ash, Marley, Bern but no Kitten, not a single call or text from Kitten, and suddenly, it feels like a lead weight has been tied to my heart. It feels heavy, like it’s trying to sink into my stomach. My head spins and I feel dizzy for a few seconds as complete and utter panic starts to grip me. Something’s wrong. I already know, without even speaking to Benny, I know that something’s wrong.

As the doors slide open onto the arrivals hall at London’s Heathrow Airport, I’m momentarily stunned by the flash from the photographers’ cameras waiting to greet me. I put my head down and keep walking. I’m suddenly flanked by Benny and Scott.

“Keep walking. Don’t say nothing. Markey’s right outside in the car,” Ben says quietly as he walks beside me.

“Is Kitten safe?”

“She’s fine, boss. Did you read my texts?” Thank fuck.

“No, I didn’t get the chance. What the fuck’s going on? Where is she? What’s happened?”

“I’ll explain in the car. Don’t say anything.”

I keep my head down, but try and make out what it is the paps and reporters are saying. I hear the name Lynsey. Nope, no clue there. Allegations, what allegations? Oral sex, what the fuck are they talking about?

It must be Sean, another attention seeking whore, trying to make a quick quid off a dead bloke. Fuck, right before the memorial concert. Georgia’s going to be devastated. I’ve never hit a woman, but these bitches who go to the papers with their fabricated stories need a fucking slap for what they put her through. It breaks my heart watching her suffer every couple of months when this happens.

Ben undoes the door to the Land Rover. I quickly step into the back seat and he closes the door behind me. I nod towards Mark as Ben and Scott jump in, Benny joining me in the back.

The paps surround the car as Mark tries to pull away, but a couple of old Bill step in and move them back enough for us to be able to pull out.

My heart and my head are pounding and I feel sick to my stomach.

“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?”

The boys in the front don’t say a word. I turn towards Ben, who’s looking at me like he wants to kill me. What the fuck is that all about?

“Just tell me you didn’t do it?” I can’t help but notice the sweat on Ben’s top lip as he speaks.