He pulls his phone back out and heads off towards his office to make the call just as the intercom buzzes. I hear Benny’s voice, letting Cam know that he’s here, and Cam tells him to wait five minutes.

Ten minutes later, Cam comes into the kitchen and I know as soon as his eyes meet mine that he’s not coming with me. I try and hide the disappointment from my face and probably fail miserably.

“The doctor says he has a bit of a temperature. Nothing to worry about and he’ll call me if there’s any problems.” His shoulders are slumped and I know he feels torn. “We better go. Ben’s downstairs waiting.” I follow him out to the lift and we travel down to the car in silence and then I can’t hold it in any more.

“Cam, call Scott, ask him to come and get me. You go with Ben and make sure Harry’s doing okay.” Relief washes over his face for a split second, but then he frowns and says, “No, he’s fine. I want to be with you.” I shake my head, step towards him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I’ll put you on speaker phone once the tests are done and you can come and find me later at Len’s office, once we know the results.” I kiss him gently on the mouth. “Now please, for me, go be with your son.” He sighs and looks around him in frustration.

“If we had both cars here, I would’ve shot over there earlier.”

“Just go, Cam. Honestly, I’ll be fine.”

He shakes his head. “No, you go with Ben. I’ll get Scott to bring the Mas and take me.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into his chest. It’s a warm day and I’m wearing a little white summer dress and ballet flats and I feel small next to him. He kisses my neck and says quietly into my ear, “I wish it wasn’t like this, Kitten.” I pull back and look up at him.

“Me too, Tiger, but we’re tough. We’ll get through it.” He kisses me on the mouth, gently at first, but then we get our sexy on and his tongue is in my mouth, his hand starts sliding up my dress.

“Yeah, that’s enough, children. Paps, the general public, Benny and CCTV cameras around,” Benny calls out. I pull away from Cam.

“I need to go. Call me, or I’ll call you.” I kiss him one last time and he stands with his hands in his pockets, looking a little lost as we pull away.

I have a lump in my throat the size of China, so I say nothing as Benny chats about the footballers taking part in the charity match for Sean’s memorial. He must notice my lack of response and says, “I don’t know exactly what you’ve got goin’ on over at your brother’s gaff, George, but Cam obviously wanted to be with ya. He looked like he was really struggling back there.”

Benny knows about the IVF, but he obviously hasn’t realised that we find out the results today. “We find out if Ash or Jimmie are pregnant today,” I tell him. He keeps his eyes on the road and nods his head slowly, then his mouth drops open.

“Ah, the piss on a stick party, gotcha.” He remains silent for a few minutes. “That was a very unselfish thing you did back there then, George. The Georgia I met ten years ago wouldn’t have done that.”

I look across at him. “It was twelve years ago, Ben, and I was only twenty then.”

He nods. “Twenty and a spoilt, selfish princess.”

It’s my turn to nod. “Some might say I still am.” Ronan Keating’s “If Tomorrow Never Comes” starts playing on the radio, and I change the station. That song makes my chest feel tight. I’m pretty good most of the time, but I just can’t face that one this morning. The station I land on is playing ads so I switch it again and land on my husband’s voice, belting out “With You”. My arms suddenly feel like lead weights and I don’t seem to be able to move them and change the station. I know I have tears rolling down my cheeks, but I do nothing to stop them. I turn and look at Benny.

“D’ya think he’s trying to tell me something, Ben?”

He keeps staring straight ahead and says, matter-of-factly, “Only that he’s here with ya, George.”

I nod and let out a sob. “D’ya think he is, Ben?”

“Of course he is, George. He’ll be around whenever you need him to be.” I wipe my nose on the back of my hand in a way that would earn me a slap from Mum and just as Sean’s voice fades away, “Wherever you will go” by The Calling starts playing and Ben turns and winks at me.

“See, when I’m right, I’m right, George.”

* * *

Marley is sitting out the front of Jim and Lennon’s house when Benny drops me off after giving me a big cuddle and wishing me luck. I don’t need him to hang about, I’ll get a lift to Len’s office from one of my brothers.

I stand on the drive looking at my brother sitting on the bench beside the front door. It’s eight thirty in the morning and Marley’s sipping on what looks like bourbon, he tilts the glass towards me.

“Little sister Georgia.” I walk over to the bench and sit down next to him.

“Big brother Marley, little early ain’t it?” His arm is resting along the back of the chair and he drapes it over my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.

“It’s bourbon o’clock somewhere in the world, G.” I turn and study his face. He’s very good looking, my brother Marley, all my brothers are handsome but in different ways. Bails has that typical East End villain look about him, especially now that he shaves his head. There’s something a little bit rough and dangerous looking about him. Lennon looks like he’s just stepped off a catwalk or the cover of a magazine, very smooth and loves a designer suit, even on his days off, and Marley, my big brother Marley, has that dark and brooding rock star look about him. His hair is short and spikey and he has tattoos all over his arms, neck and body. All very different, but with the same dark eyes, and all very handsome, but at the end of the day, they’re just my big brothers and my best friends.

“What’s up, Marls? Why ya drinking bourbon this early in the day? You all right?” He lets out a long sigh and I lean away from him so I can see his face.

“Yes and no… I dunno. It’s hard, George, ya know?” His dark eyes meet mine, “I miss him. I’m sorry, George. Fuck, I’m sorry.” He covers his mouth with his hand and tries to compose himself. I hold onto my brother and let him know it’s okay to cry. “I got to hold his baby, George. I know he was dead, but I got to hold Beau and he never did, Maca never even got to see his boy, George. It’s not fair. It’s so not fair.” He sits up straight and knocks back his drink. “Ahhh, fuck, George, what a wanker. I just want you to be happy, G. You’ve been through so much. I just want you to be happy and settled. Where’s the big bloke anyway? Scared we were all gonna give him shit coz of the newspaper stories?”

I shake my head. “Na, his little boy’s not well, so I told him to go be with him. I can do this on my own. I’ll just call him once we know.” We both stand up.

“Come on then. Let’s get this ‘piss on a stick’ party started,” Marley says, grabbing my hand and leading me into the house.

* * *

When I walk inside I see Jim, Len and Ash all sitting around the bench top in Jimmie’s huge kitchen. She looks up and smiles as she sees me come in.

She looks around me at Marley and frowns, asking, “Where’s TDH?”

I sigh, feeling pissed off that Cam’s not with me, and the fact that I’m now going to have to justify his choice to my family. I instantly feel like a complete bitch. I’m a grown woman. I can do this on my own. Harry’s just a little baby, who has an irresponsible mother. The least I can do is not sulk about his dad being with him.

“Harry’s not well. He’s had to drive over to see him.” Ash and Len are both looking at me now.

“And are you okay with that?” Len asks.

Before I can reply, Marley drops his arm over my shoulder and says, “Of course she is. She’s got all of us here.” I fold my arms across my chest. I know it’s a defensive move, but that’s what I feel like I need to do, defend Cam’s decision not to be here.