“You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep my shit under control, knowing what’s going on. And then finding you in here, talking to him . . . I wanna throw my fist into the fucking wall.” He takes his hand and cups the side of my tender face. “But then I look at this,” he says, referring to the bruises, “and I’m afraid I’ll scare you.”

“I don’t scare that easily,” I breathe.

“I think you lie about that. I think you want me to believe that. Maybe even you want to believe that, but it’s all a lie. It’s you . . . trying to convince yourself.”

I take a hard swallow, nervous, that even through all my shit, he seems to read me pretty damn well. As much as I want to deny what he’s saying, if you cut me deep enough, I believe there’s truth to how he sees me. I hate that about him.

“I want you,” he states matter-of-factly, and I nod. “I can’t refute my feelings, even though a part of me wants to because I know I can’t have you, but I want you. I want to have you, I want you mine, I want to own you.”

Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against his as my body slacks forward. Declan holds me, adding, “I want all of you, and it fucking hurts to know I can’t have that. But I don’t want to stay away from you either.”

“I don’t know what to do because . . .”

“What, baby?”

I draw my head back slightly to look at him when I explain, “There’s a reason we got married so quickly. I didn’t see it at the time, but . . . shortly after we were married I saw his obsession with me.” I urge on the emotion when I feel the constricting of my throat. My words strain as I say, “He’ll never let me go. And if he knew about you, he’d ruin you. He’s powerful enough to do that.”

“Let him ruin me.”

“But it’s me,” I tell him on shaky words.

He peers his worried eyes into me, and I choke back a faint whimper, when he asks, “What are you afraid of?”

I take a pause before finally speaking the words that bring a flare of protectiveness to his eyes.

“He’ll kill me.”

DECLAN WAS BEYOND furious about me coming back home yesterday. I’ve spent the better part of the last two weeks staying at his place, only coming home a couple of times when I knew Clara would be here. I made my case to him though, making it clear that it has to be this way and that Bennett could never know about us. Spending as much time together as we have been, I see Declan falling hard for me. He’s honest about how he feels about me and us and makes no apologies about it. For a man who exercises his power and authority, not only with me but with nearly everyone I see him come in contact with, he masks a vulnerability that I can see him trying to hide.

The bruises on my face were pretty much nonexistent when Bennett arrived home this morning. We spent hours in bed together, making up for the two weeks he was away. He wasn’t happy when I had to leave to drop off my article that I was able to finish on the days Declan went to work, leaving me with nothing but time while I hid out at his place. It’s not like I could really go out with my face looking as bad as it did. But Bennett understood, and even suggested that I take a little time for myself since he was starting to feel the jet lag of the nine-hour time difference from Dubai.

While Bennett’s at home, Baldwin takes me over to North Michigan Avenue where I spend most of the day strolling in and out of the various stores, doing some much-needed shopping. I stop by Neiman’s to pick out a few dress shirts for Bennett and a couple of ties. Before calling Baldwin to return with the car, I decide to make one last stop. Bearing the single digit temperatures outside, I loop my scarf a couple of times around my neck and head down to La Perla.

I learned while staying with Declan that he has an affinity for lingerie. Since I need to continue to draw him in deeper, I’ll do whatever I can. When I walk in, my stomach instantly rumbles. Being in stores like this makes me feel dirty and gross. Always has. I know I have a fucked up sense of sexuality; I’m not blind to the effects my childhood has on me. Just thinking about adorning a body that I find repulsive—a body that has no value to me—disgusts me. But this isn’t for me or my liking, it’s for Declan’s.

Browsing through the insanely expensive selection of silks and laces, I pick out a few silk culottes that are embellished with hand-embroidered lace. For as kinky as Declan is in the bedroom, he prefers when I wear things delicate and feminine, so I’m sure he’ll like these French knickers. I add a few pairs of lace panties and bras before a sales lady approaches, offering, “Would you like for me to start you a fitting room?”

“No. I’d like to go ahead and purchase these,” I tell her, feeling like I need to get out of here before my mounting nausea suffocates me.

After I make my purchases and shove the ivory bag down into my larger Neiman’s one, I text Baldwin for the car and tell him to meet me at the Starbucks that’s down the street. The last thing I need is for him to know I was buying lingerie.

Baldwin is noticeably quiet as he drives the few minutes it takes to get back home. When I get off the elevator, I’m surprised to see Jacqueline with her baby on her hip walking through my living room.

“Jacqueline, what a pleasant surprise,” I greet as she approaches me with Bennett striding along behind her.

“Well, Richard would rather sleep and let me take care of his business than doing it himself,” she says, and when Bennett kisses my cheek and takes the shopping bags from my hands, he explains, “I needed to sign off on a few files Richard had that need to be faxed off ASAP.”

“I see,” I mumble, and then turn to Jacqueline and her son. “He’s growing fast.”

“I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“I suppose,” I respond, not caring to discuss the charms of motherhood.

“Well, I better get going. Richard is going to be hungry when he wakes, so . . .”

That guy is such a lazy bastard. Always has been. He treats Jacqueline more as a servant to his needs than a wife. Pitiful woman puts up with it too, but that’s her choice.

“It’s a shame you can’t stay longer. I’ve been so tied up lately, but we should see about a lunch date,” I say, pretending I truly care about our plastic friendship.

“That sounds great. I’ll call you,” she replies and then looks to Bennett, saying, “I’m sorry Richard couldn’t come himself.”

“No worries, Jacqueline. We will see you later,” he says as he walks her to the door to see her out.

They exchange goodbyes and then Bennett is back to me, taking me in his arms. “Did you have a good time shopping?”

“I did. Have you been working this whole time?”

“No. She just stopped by a few minutes ago,” he tells me. “I took a short nap and unpacked.”

“You? Unpacked?” I tease. “I’m impressed.”

“So little faith in me,” he responds with laughter and then dips his head to kiss me. “By the way, Cal made a call to my office while I was gone. Seems he heard about the refitting in Dubai and is curious about investment options.”

“Oh,” I remark, wondering if Declan knows his father is interested in investing with Bennett’s company.

“He wants a meeting, but isn’t able to get out of New York because of his tight schedule, so I’m going to fly out there for a few days. I want you to come with me.”

“Of course. When would that be?”

“In a couple of weeks. I have to run back down to Miami for a few days beforehand.”

“Miami?” I question, letting him see my frustration. “I didn’t see that on your schedule.”

“The realtor called while you were shopping. We finally came to negotiations on the property sale.”

“Finally.”

Bennett has a number of properties, a beachfront in Miami being one of them. He’s had it for years, but since I’ve known him, he’s never used it. Although he travels there for business, he stays in hotels since the house is out of the way.