"That's great to have that desire and focus. Not a lot of kids your age do."

Donna and I talk and get to know each other. She wants to know me better, and I find her to be warm and very easy to talk to. We are deep in conversation when we hear Ryan yell from across the house, "Mom! You're slacking in the kitchen! I think the ham is done!"

Donna and I look at each other and laugh.

"Can I help you in the kitchen?" I ask.

"I have it covered. You go and enjoy yourself."

"Really, I'd like to help."

Donna looks at me, and I can see in her eyes that she probably understands why. Taking my hand, she says, "I'd love that."

Before we ate dinner, Ryan finally let the kids open their gifts. He wasn't kidding when he said he had a lot. He clearly spoils his nieces and nephews rotten, and it was fun for me to sit back and watch him. He's just so relaxed with them. Ryan sat on the floor with Zachary, his nine-month-old nephew, in his lap and helped him tear off all the giftwrap, and then laughed in amusement when all Zachary wanted to do was play with the paper, waving it around in his hands.

Dinner wasn't like any Christmas dinner I have ever had. The kids ate at the bar and breakfast table, with Jenna sitting next to Zachary who's in a high chair. And everyone else spread out between the formal dining room and the living room. We couldn't all sit together with there being eighteen of us. The evening was casual with loud conversation and lots of laughter. Ryan's family made me feel as if I'd known them all forever. I really get along well with Tori and Jenna. Katie has been upstairs with her sick daughter most of the day, so I haven't had much time to get to visit with her.

After a while, the commotion and noise start to overwhelm me. Needing to take a little breather, I offer to take Katie a plate of food since she missed dinner. Walking upstairs, I quietly knock on the door to Ryan's room. I crack the door open and Katie is lying in bed next to Madison.

"I brought you some dinner," I whisper.

Katie gets out of the bed, and I hand her the plate.

"Thank you so much, Candace. That's really sweet."

Looking over at her daughter, I ask, "How's she feeling?"

"She doesn't have a fever, just an upset tummy mostly. I can't get her to go to sleep though."

"Well, I have no experience with kids, but do you mind if I try?"

"God, pleeease," she chuckles. "She has books in her bag by the bed if you want to try reading to her."

"Thanks. Why don't you go downstairs and eat? I'll stay with her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go," I say with a smile.

"Okay. Thank you."

Walking over to the bed, I sit down and Madison rolls over with a tiny groan.

I tell her that I'm a friend of her Uncle Ryan's, and she immediately starts babbling about him and asking me questions. When she begins to slow down, I reach over to her bag and take out two books. They're both ballerina princess books.

"You like ballerinas?" I ask.

"Mmm hmm, I wanna be one. Mommy says when I turn four that I can go to dance class."

"I think you'll make a beautiful ballerina." She smiles up at me and I say, "Do you know that I'm a ballerina?"

"A real one or pretend?"

"A real one."

"You wanna be my friend?"

"Best friends."

She giggles as I open one of her books and begin to read. It isn't long until she is sound asleep with her head on my lap. Not wanting to wake her, I keep still and allow her to sleep.

Setting the books down, I finally take a moment to realize I am lying in Ryan's bed. I look around the room that he grew up in. He has a couple of surfboards leaning against one of the walls and a large flat screen mounted on the wall facing the bed. Something about being in his room makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't want to be feeling this way, but I am. The way he was with me last night makes me feel as if I want to like him more. I have never felt this way about any guy in the past, and that scares me. I only wish he knew me before this year, before I was so screwed up.

Light filters into the room when the door opens. Ryan walks in, looks at me, and laughs. "Are you stuck under Maddie?"

"I didn't want to move and wake her up. What time is it?"

"Past eleven. Everyone has gone to bed. I told Katie to go on to bed and that I would check on you and Maddie."

"I wanted to thank your mother before she went to bed."

"Don't worry about it. Here's your bag. I made a big pallet of blankets and pillows downstairs in the living room. Since Maddie is in my room, we're just going to sleep down there. We can watch a movie or something if you want." He sets my bag on the floor and walks further into the room.

"Oh...ummm..." I mutter nervously. I was supposed to sleep in this room and Ryan was going to stay on the couch.

Sensing my hesitation, he says, "Don't worry. I'll take the floor and you can have the couch."

I smile at him as he walks over and grabs some clothes from his dresser. "I'll be downstairs. You can use my bathroom to change."

"Okay," I say as I slowly slide out from underneath Madison, careful not to wake her.

I grab my bag and go into Ryan's bathroom. I quickly take my sleeping pill, brush my teeth and hair, and then change into a pair of pajama pants and a black cami.

When I walk downstairs, I see Ryan in the kitchen wearing only a pair of flannel pajama pants that are hanging low on his hips. I'm surprised when I see a half-sleeve of tattoos on his right arm that spans a few inches onto his chest.

When he spots me from across the room, he says, "Grabbing some water. Want a bottle?"

"No, thanks."

I notice all the blankets and pillows piled into a big fluffy makeshift bed in the center of the living room.

"You mind if I take the floor?" I ask.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It looks more comfortable anyway."

"Okay."

Suddenly feeling nervous about spending the night here in the same room as Ryan, I apprehensively walk over and sit down, sliding the covers over my legs. He walks across the dark room, the only light coming from the last of the burning embers in the fireplace. I try not to stare at his bare chest that is revealing the tattoos I never knew he had. He sits down next to me and turns the TV on.

"TCM?"

I laugh at him and say, "It's all we ever watch. Why switch now?"

"I think you're starting to like my movies," he teases.

"Maybe."

We sit back and start watching a movie when Ryan turns to me and says, "Were you okay today?"

"I was. You're really lucky; you have a great family."

"Well, everyone really likes you, especially my mom."

"She's really nice. We had some time to visit earlier."

His words are sweet, but at the same time bring sadness. I only wish it was my parents who felt this way. But being here today, with his big family, has made me realize just how cold my family is. You can't even compare the two. Feeling the emotions tugging at me, I lie down and lay my head on the pillows sitting next to Ryan. He starts playing with my hair, and it's only a matter of minutes when I begin to feel the effects of my pill and drift off.