“She was in a car crash with her boyfriend. She was about to graduate. My parents fell apart, and in a way, disappeared. They pretty much stopped talking, and it’s been that way ever since.”

“That’s awful,” she mumbles as she looks down. When her eyes meet mine, she asks, “Have you called them today?”

I shake my head.

“Do you want to?”

I look away because looking into her eyes makes me miss what I used to have with my mom. “I don’t know. Things have gotten worse since . . .” Shifting my eyes back to her, I continue honestly, “ . . . since I told them I was gay.”

She rests her hand on top of mine that’s gripping the edge of the sink, and when she does, I tell her, “They threw me out.”

Not saying a word, she wraps her arms around me, and for a moment, I pretend they’re my mother’s. I wonder if she’ll ever hold me like this again, like she used to so many times in my life. My mind creeps back to reality, and I wonder, through all the hurt I’ve caused people, what I ever did that was so right to deserve this. This right here.

I have to swallow hard against my tightened throat as I try to control the mixture of pain and happiness that wells up inside of my chest. When Andrea pulls back, her eyes are rimmed with tears, and a part of me is comforted by the fact that she cares enough to feel this way.

“You’re amazingly strong,” she says softly, and when I shake my head, she affirms, “You are. I see why my son loves you the way that he does.”

“I don’t deserve him,” I admit.

“It isn’t about deserving; it’s about accepting. None of us deserve anything. Everything we have is a gift, and you have to learn to simply accept what God gives you.”

“Is that what you believe?” I ask her. Her words are such a contrast to everything I’ve ever been told.

She nods her head, and says, “I do.”

And I do too.

“You guys look serious,” Mark says as he walks into the kitchen.

He grabs a beer out of the fridge and his mother says, “Come here.”

He eyes me as he walks towards her, and she gives him a tight hug. Keeping his eyes on me, he chuckles out, “She’s not getting all sappy on you, is she?”

I laugh at him, lightening the mood, and shake my head. When he steps back from her, he looks between the both of us, and I don’t hold back in front of his mom when I tell him, “I love you.”

His smile is big, and he doesn’t skip a beat when he cups his hands along my jaw and kisses me. I take it. I don’t even try to shy away from it. This is what I’ve been needing; what I’ve been missing. Acceptance. And coming from these people, in this house, I know I’m exactly who I’m meant to be. I just needed Mark to show me.

Spending this time with Mark and his family has been great. The past few days have gone by fast, and I finish packing up my bag while Mark gets his things together as well. Everything I worried about before getting on that plane with Mark was immediately negated when I met his family.

Mark smiles at me when he grabs his bag, and I zip up mine. We head downstairs to say goodbye before Mark’s dad drives us to the airport. It feels good knowing it won’t be long until I get to see everyone again. Andrea insisted that I come back for Christmas. She even booked my ticket last night after I had a long talk with her and Mark about my parents. She told me to not give up on them, so I gave them a call when Mark and I went to bed. We didn’t talk long, but it was still nice to hear my mother’s voice. I’m not sure how often we will talk, but I’ll never stop loving them, and I never want to turn away from them no matter how they feel about me.

Loading everything into the car, Ben starts driving toward the airport. When he pulls up to departures, we all hop out and get our things. After Mark says his goodbye, he takes my bag and heads inside to check them while he leaves me with his father.

“I don’t know everything that’s going on with your parents, but I just wanted to let you know that we’re here if you need us.”

Reaching out to shake his hand, I say, “Thanks,” when he gives my hand a tug and brings me in for a hug.

When I take a step back, he smiles and nods before saying, “Give us a call when you guys land, okay?”

“Will do,” I tell him as he gets into the car and drives away.

I make my way inside to find Mark and we get everything checked in and head to our gate. About an hour later, we are in the air, flying back to Seattle. It’s crazy to think about how my whole frame of mind has taken a shift from when I flew out here just a few days ago.

I never should have doubted coming out here to meet Mark’s family. I should have trusted him enough to know that he would have never asked me to come with him if he wasn’t certain that it would be a safe thing for me to do. But he’s always been ahead of me. Confident. He accepted being gay years ago. I’ve been struggling to figure it out for a while when Mark has already known for himself, before ever getting involved with me. He was already there. He’s just been waiting for me to get there as well—and I think I am. I know I am.

I look over at him and take his hand, holding it, lacing my fingers with his. He’s beautiful and perfect and all I’ll ever want. He has no idea what he’s given me. He’ll never understand no matter how much I tell him. Everything I’ve been searching for from the time I realized I was gay, he’s given me: my realization, my understanding, my accepting. He makes it okay for me to be who I was always meant to be.

Before him, I was afraid. Always in denial. I thought that finally coming out to my parents would free me. But it didn’t. It was Mark. It was him that opened me up, that freed me of everything I was so scared of. He will always have everything that’s inside of me that I have to give.

For years I’ve been trying to free myself of these fears, free myself from my tormenting thoughts, free myself from the walls that have kept me trapped in a hole of self-loathing. Since I met Mark, I’ve been fighting. Fighting to be free. But now I realize, it isn’t about fighting. It’s letting go of the fight to see that what I’ve been searching for is within him. Mark is my freeing.

Six Months Later…

“Did you get your cap and gown today?”

“Yeah. I went with Candace earlier,” I respond as I kick my feet up on the coffee table and lean back into the couch.

Sitting next to me, he asks, “How’s she doing?”

“She seems to be doing a little better. I think her finally seeing a therapist is helping the most.”

Nodding his head, he says, “You’re probably right.” He wraps his arms around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “So I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What’s up?”

“My roommate is moving out after graduation, and I was thinking . . . maybe you would want to make it our place.”

Turning to look at him straight on, I clarify, “You mean move in?”

He nods and says, “Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Mark and I spend most nights together anyway, but it’s the knowing. Knowing that he’s serious and in this as much as I am to want to live with me.

“You’re it for me, Jase. I want to be with you. Only you. And I want to make my home with you.”

I smile big. This past year with Mark has been nothing short of perfect. Even with the downs, they have been what has bonded us so tightly together. I’ve never been so connected with another person.

I lean over and kiss him, grazing my teeth along his lower lip and sliding my tongue along his as he fists the hair on the back of my head. I climb over him, lowering him on his back as we continue to kiss.