I stand rooted in the middle of the girl’s bathroom staring blankly at the paper towel dispenser. What was that all about? Earlier today she was on my lap kissing me like her life depended on it and now she’s acting like I repulse her. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I hate that she’s acting so distant. As the shock of the last few minutes wears off, I exit the bathroom just in time to catch a glimpse of her door slamming shut.

Cara comes running around the corner, most likely on her way to find me. “Kippy! Drew’s in his room waiting for you. Hurry up.” She’s tugging on my arm, but I’m not in the mood to deal with her or Drew anymore.

“Can you tell him we need to reschedule. My plans changed. I have to go.”

She creases her brow, looking confused. “Why? Where’s Sophie?”

“In your room. I want to go talk to her, but I don’t think she wants me to. Here. She’s gonna need her keys back.” Numbly, I press the button on the elevator.

Cara puts her hand on my arm and squeezes lightly. “What happened? You’re acting weird.” Drew comes bounding around the corner in similar fashion, but pauses after seeing my defeated expression.

“I have no fucking clue. Things were fine when we left class this afternoon, but I saw her a minute ago and she acted like I have the damn plague. I mean she did throw up and all, but she wouldn’t even let me comfort her.”

“What do you mean?” Both Drew and Cara ask in unison.

“She wasn’t feeling good and she wouldn’t even let me touch her. Did she say anything about me at dinner?” The elevator door opens, but I let it pass and wait for the next one.

“Shit.” Cara says.

“What is it? Do you know something?”

“It’s not my place to say, Kippy. I’m sorry.”

“Cara, please. What’s going on? I’m not leaving until you tell me something.”

“Fine. Basically she mentioned something about focusing on gymnastics and how she doesn’t have time to date. From what she told me this afternoon, she has a shitty past and has no faith in the male species whatsoever. Her ex was a douche and her Dad wasn’t any better. Our talk must have gotten to her because she barely touched her dinner and was in her own little world during the conversation. I feel bad for asking her so many questions earlier. It’s obviously a sore subject for her. I mean, she doesn’t even want a husband or kids. Can you believe that?”

“Fuck. I had no idea. Can you go check on her for me? She didn’t mention whether we’re still going to the movie tonight, but I don’t want to push her if she’s not up to it.”

Cara reaches up and gives me a hug. For the first time, I’m thankful my sister is here to help me out. If anyone can get Sophie talking again, it’s her. “Don’t take it personal. She’s working though some pretty tough emotions from the sound of it. I hope one day she’ll have the courage to tell you what she told me. But until then, I’ll go talk to her and have her call you. Was her head hurting? Is that why she got sick?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. I tried to help her, but she wouldn’t let me. She didn’t even let me touch her.” Cara closes her eyes and exhales. When she opens them, she looks pained. There’s more to this story and I’m pissed she knows something I most likely should.

“Maybe she needs a moment to get her shit together. Throwing up in front a guy you like isn’t exactly a magical moment, Kippy.”

“I guess not.” Hanging my head, I press the elevator button again instead of checking on Sophie. I’ll let my sister handle it because I’m not willing to completely ruin whatever I started with Sophie this afternoon. Hopefully she just needs a little girl talk to feel better.

“Don’t sweat it dude, chicks are fucking crazy.” Laughing at Drew, I nod my head in agreement as the elevator doors close. I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t make my head spin. There’s no way I was imagining the kiss we shared earlier today. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. I felt it.

Once outside, I sit on the wooden bench by the basketball courts and watch a game of four on four. Thankfully it’s shaded so I’m not sweating my ass off in the sun. I catch myself glancing at my phone every five seconds, waiting for it to chime with positive news from Cara. Maybe no news is good news right now.

When I look up at their window, the blinds are pulled back on the right side. Sophie’s peeking around them staring directly at me. Unsure if she sees me looking back, I shield my squinted eyes from the sun. Before I can get a better look, she’s gone.

Agitated, I can’t sit still. Shifting around on the uncomfortable bench, I fail miserably at any attempt to relax. The game ends half an hour later, but I don’t even know who won. My mind’s been solely focused on Sophie. Finally, my phone vibrates with an incoming text.

Cara: She was upset. Calmed her down.

Kipton: I need to see her.

Cara: I’m not sure that’s a good idea. She’s embarrassed for being rude to you.

Kipton: I’m coming up.

Cara: I figured you would.

Racing inside the building, I take the stairs two at a time before Sophie realizes I’m on my way up to see her. By the third flight, I’m thankful she doesn’t live any higher up in the building. My lungs are fighting for some much needed oxygen. Winded but determined to get to their room as fast as I can, I muscle through the last flight.

I knock softly on the door, careful not to startle Sophie if her head’s hurting. Cara lets me in. The lights are off and there’s music playing from her laptop. She stands on her tip toes to whisper in my ear, “I’ll be in Drew’s room. Come over if you need anything.”

“I will.” I’m solely focused on Sophie lying in her bed. She’s facing the wall and can’t see me yet, but when she inches up the blankets, I know she senses my presence. Afraid to say the wrong thing, I don’t say anything until my knee cracks loudly when I crouch down next to her. She flinches but doesn’t turn to look at me. “Sophie, can we talk?”

Without moving, she responds, “About what?”

Needing to touch her in some way, I run my fingers up and down the arm that’s clenching her blanket tightly to her chest. I’m thankful when she doesn’t object. “About us.” I probably sound like a fucking woman asking to discuss my feelings and shit. This is all new to me and although it’s been a struggle so far, I don’t want to give up.

“What about us, Kipton?” Her voice is laced with emotion and I get the impression she’s trying not to cry right now. I knew she felt something earlier and now she confirmed it whether she realizes it or not.

“For starters I need to know what happened to the girl I was kissing this afternoon. The one that’s always on my mind.” She sighs and all I want is for her to roll over and look me in the eye.

“Kipton, I told you there’s no time for a relationship in my life—I don’t do them. What we did was fun and I enjoyed it. But it doesn’t change anything. In a few days, I’ll be back in the gym full-time. That’s my real life. Not this.”

“What if I need whatever this is?”

“I don’t know, Kipton.”

“You’re really choosing gymnastics?” It’s meant as more of a statement than a question. She has a passion that I’m not about to come between, but she could make time for both if she wanted to.

“I have to,” she responds quickly.

“But you don’t want to?”

Finally rolling over, the tears in her eyes can’t be mistaken. Gone is her hard demeanor, instead replaced with the sweet Sophie I’ve been unable to get out of my mind. “I’m no good for you, Kipton.”

That’s where she’s wrong. “You’re perfect, Sophie. I’ve never craved anyone the way I crave you.” She has the same look in her eye my sister did out in the hallway. But I don’t know why.

“I don’t want to be anyone’s toy. I’ve lived that life and I can’t go back.”