THE PAST HOUR I’VE PACKED and repacked enough times to know I’m procrastinating leaving the dorm. If it wasn’t closing, I’d probably stay another night and drag it out even longer. Cara’s packed and sitting on her suitcase watching me finish up.

“I’m gonna miss you. Home will suck without our nightly chats,” Cara whines.

I give her a hug, wishing I could skip going to my house entirely. But seeing my mom again will

be nice. “It’s just a couple days and then you can show me around your place.” I’m trying to convince myself as much as her. I can do this.

She rests her chin in her hands and pouts some more. “Doubt it. Kipton’s gonna hog you the whole time.”

“I promise you and I can have girl time. I’m sure he has other things on his schedule too.”

“Doubt it,” She repeats solemnly.

“Oh will you stop.” I pick up my suitcase and am thankful I can roll it out of here without breaking my back. “Give me a hug. I have to get on the road.” Cara stands and wraps me up exactly like she did on move in day.

“Bye, hooch.”

Laughing, I return the sentiment. “See ya, slut.”

It’s only after I leave the dorm that I get blasted with more emotion than I know what to do with. This place, this town, finally feels like home. And I have to leave.

In a daze, lost in my own thoughts, I don’t spot the flower on my windshield until I’m next to it. Tucked under one of the wipers is a gorgeous red rose. I bring it to my nose, inhaling its aroma. I lay it next to me on the passenger seat before stuffing my bags into the trunk. While I warm up the car, I type a note to Kipton. I’d call, but I’ll probably cry if I do.

Sophie: Thank you for the flower.

Kipton: You’re welcome. Leaving?

Sophie: Yeah.

Kipton: Be careful. Take breaks. I don’t like you driving so far all alone.

Sophie: I promise I’ll stop when I need to.

Kipton: Okay. Call me when you can.

Sophie: I will. Love you.

Kipton: That’s never going to get old. Love you too, beautiful.

After a quick stop for gas and another for lunch, the five hour drive back home takes closer to six. I’d gladly drive another couple hours if it meant I could put off going inside a little while longer. But as I pull up outside the brick two story home that’s still over-flowing with memories I’d like to forget ever existed, I know it’s now or never.

I can still see the crack in the pane of my bedroom window that was never fixed. If I move the dresser a few inches to the right, I’ll also find a hole in the wall from a thrown textbook. If only it was that easy to camouflage the emotional cracks and holes I’ve collected within my mind the last twenty years.

Mom’s still at work, so I head inside, unsure of how I’ll feel once I’m on the other side of the front door.

It’s open which surprises me. I slowly enter, nervous about what I may find considering mom’s car isn’t here.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“I should ask you the same thing. I’ll be discussing it with your mom. She’s meeting me for dinner tonight.”

“Oh. You still have a key?” I don’t like that my mom hasn’t changed the locks after he moved out. That’s the first thing she should have done.

He has the audacity to laugh at me, but I’m supposed to be in here, not him. “Of course I have a key. She might have wanted to divorce me, but she never stopped loving me.”

“She did divorce you.” I step forward and move toward the kitchen.

“That’s what she wanted you to believe at the time. But she never showed up in court; couldn’t convince herself to sign away our marriage once and for all. I can’t say I blame her.” He opens the fridge and helps himself to a beer. That hasn’t changed.

I brace myself against the kitchen table for support. He has to be bluffing. “No, she wouldn’t do that.”

“She did. I’m still as much her husband as I am your father. At least according to the records.”

“That can’t be. She wouldn’t lie to me. She’s all I have.” My arms start to shake under my weight. I stand up tall, not letting him see my fear.

“Don’t go getting all dramatic. Did you really expect her to sit in this empty house all alone once you were gone? The day you drove away was the day she got her life back.” He walks over to the drawer and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

“I never expected her to stay single, but I also never wanted her to end up with you again either.” Why would she go back to him?

“Don’t you see, Sophie. It was you all along. You were the problem. You are the problem. Now, I have her back and if you don’t like it, you can stay elsewhere. In fact, that might be a better idea regardless. Who knows what bullshit you’ll try to fill her head with this time.”

I shake my head back and forth. He’s talking nonsense. He has to be. This is my mom we’re talking about. The only parent who has ever shown me an ounce of love.

“Do you live here again too?” I question. I don’t know why I ask. Each response just upsets me more than the last.

“Not officially, no. But I’m here enough.”

I shouldn’t say it, but I risk it anyway. That’s how much I hate this man. “Do you still cheat on her too?”

He sets his beer on the edge of the counter and rests his right leg over his left. Crossing his arms, he narrows his eyes at me. I blink once, but not a second time. “That’s none of your damn business. She gives me the attention I need now that you’re not sucking the life out of her. She’s the woman she was before you were born.”

There’s no way I can stay here if he is. I walk by him, dragging my suitcase along with me. I don’t trust leaving it in his presence. Thumping up each stair, I’m thankful my room looks untouched. Mom still has the things I moved from the apartment arranged like they’ve been here all along. Tracing my finger over some of the dust left sitting on the desk top, the air feels filthy with him being here.

Digging around in my closet, I pull out anything that has meaning or value. Filling up a few more duffle bags, I lay them next to my luggage. Everything else they can keep.

One last trip into my closet is all I can handle before the memories threaten to eat me alive. Just looking at the darkness inside has me wanting to throw up. I spent so much of my childhood hiding inside, I’m not sure I’ve ever fully escaped. Before I can give in to the temptation, my mom comes home.

Spying, I lean over the railing in the hallway, trying to hear the bullshit their spewing to one another. “Dean. No. I told you to stay away this week. It’s just one week. Then, she’s back at school.”

He mumbles something, but I can’t make out the words.

“I miss her, and I want this week to reconnect. I’ve barely spoken to her since August. I even took off from work.” I hear a bottle being tossed into the recycling bin. That’s a sound I used to fall asleep to night after night.

“Dean, please. I love you. I love you both. Please don’t make me chose you over my daughter.”

She loves him?

I can finally hear him speak. “I already know you’d pick her. You always do,” he shouts.

After all he’s done to the both of us, she actually loves him? It’s too much. This is all too fucking twisted.

I load up my right arm with the duffle bags and pull my heavy suitcase with the left. It fights me down each step, twisting from side to side. When the strain on my wrist becomes too much, I let it tumble to the bottom ahead of me.

“Sophie, where are you going?” Mom rushes over, inspecting me.

“I can’t stay here. Not with him and not with you. How could you lie to me Mom? How?” I shout.

“I’m so sorry, Sophie. I wish I was stronger. I do. But I’ve been so lonely. I’m sorry.” She cries into her hands, aware of how her decisions have destroyed our relationship.