“They’ve always belonged to you.”

“Then I’d like to sign the papers and leave.”

Reluctantly, he opens a folder on his desk and rifles through a few papers, signing them by the designated marks before handing them over to me. “I wish you’d reconsider. We could do this together.”

My mind’s been made up. I’m ready to move on and be done with this chapter of my life. It’s time to focus on school and my future outside of a gym. It’s controlled me for too long.

I sign my name next to his and can’t help but notice the different last names. I should be Sophie Evans—but I was never given a choice. Never given the opportunity to love my father.

Laying the pen on the document, I turn around with my box and leave the office without so much as a goodbye.

Pushing through the doors leading outside as fast as I can, I gulp up the fresh air. I thought it would be a relief to get everything off my chest and out in the open. But now that I have, I realize it will take more than some long overdue words to put me back together.

Holding my box tightly, I’m trying to process his words yet still find it hard to believe he had no say when it came to me. Why would my mom keep him from me? Especially when Dean hated me so much. And why would she choose Dean over him?

The next bench I find, I sit and open the box.

The first letter looks the most worn—like it’s been read over and over. I’m not sure what I’ll find inside the envelopes, or whether it’s all for show—something to make himself feel better about his shitty decisions. But I read the first letter anyway.

My Beauty,

A year ago today was the greatest day of my life, the day you came into the world. Although I’m not with you, I carry you in my heart. No matter the distance between us, I’ll always be your guiding light—a protector from afar.

When you’re scared, think of me. When you’re sad, let me help you. And when you’re lost, I’ll help you find your way. I may never be your hero, precious, but you’ll always be daddy’s little girl. I love you to the moon and back.

Love, Daddy

I stuff the letter back into the delicate pink envelope, my favorite color. When I stand up, I notice others staring at me, but I don’t care. Let them look. Fumbling the box in my shaky hands, I almost drop it before regaining my composure. I have to get back to Kipton before he worries.

Daddy’s little girl. What does that even mean?

“Hi, Sophie.” I pass Drew in the hallway of my dorm, but I’m wound too tightly to acknowledge him with more than a small wave.

My door is open, Kipton resting on my bed and Cara watching TV. He sits up and rushes to me when he sees me.

“Sophie.”

I give him a pathetic half smile, the words from the letter rattling me.

“How was it?” He asks cautiously.

“I’m not sure. Would you both mind giving me some time alone? There are a few things I need to do.” They cautiously look back and forth between each other and then back at me. “I’m fine. But I’d like to be alone.”

Kipton’s sitting on the edge of the bed, eyeing me cautiously. I’m sure he’s waiting for me to break down. He pulls me in between his legs, searching my eyes for clues. He’s always able to read me without a word being spoken. “I have no idea what went on, but don’t let him destroy you. You’ve come too far.”

“He wrote me, every year. For my birthday. That’s what’s in the box.”

“Can I see?”

“I want to read them first. You can see the one I’ve already read.” These are mine. I need to go through them and process each one separately. I don’t think I can handle all twenty of them right now, but I’m too curious not to read another. I’m almost hoping his words changed over the years—became less loving and more resentful. Because after reading the first, it’s harder to hate him. And I need to hate him.

“Only if you want me too.” I set the box down on the bed and hand him the pink envelope. He watches me as he opens it but shifts his eyes to the paper once it’s unfolded. It only takes him a second to see the words. They haven’t weaved into his soul and wrapped around his heart like they have mine. “Sophie, I don’t know what to say.”

I take the letter back, nestling it inside the box with its lid. “You don’t have to say anything.” I place the box on my desk. “I need to say something, Sophie. That’s some serious shit.”

“Maybe that’s all it is—shit.”

“I don’t think you believe that and neither do I.”

I almost wish I never saw the words. “I should get my school work done.”

“You did that over break.” Kipton reminds me.

“I’m sure I forgot something.”

“Sophie, you don’t have to look for excuses. If you want me to leave just tell me, but don’t push me away.”

“I don’t want you to go—but I need to cry.”

He holds his arms open wide. “Then come let me hold you and cry it out.”

I willingly walk into his arms. “Thank you.”

“You don’t always have to be strong, beautiful. I won’t love you less if you cry.”

I may never stop worrying about losing his acceptance or his love, but right now, I’m holding on to it as tightly as possible. He’s taught me love doesn’t need a motive or an excuse. It can simply exist. His is the most patient kind of love there is.

Since I’ve met him he’s caught every one of my tears. Today is no different as we lay in silence while he strokes my back and gives me the strength and warmth of his arms. His love runs deep and I’m blessed to have it.

SOPHIE’S BEEN DISTRACTED THE PAST couple weeks, paying more attention to the box on her desk than her school work. Not sleeping well, it shows in her mood. She’s saying and doing all the right things as far has her therapy goes, but she’s off. She’s spent so many years hating Dean, she’s having trouble with her mom and her real father added into the mix. Her anger was always specifically driven toward Dean whereas now it’s all over the place. She may never be able to forgive all of their faults, but my girl has a big heart and will come to terms when she’s ready.

Sophie and I are in a good place, but she hasn’t been staying at my place as much as I’ve wanted her to. Cara tells me she stays up until all hours of the night looking through her letters. I’ve talked to my parents about it and they assure me it’s all part of the healing process. Her emotions are scattered, all playing tricks on her sense of security. If it has to work itself out naturally, I pray it does it soon. Seeing her spirit suffer kills me inside.

It’s a little early for dinner, but rather than driving the whole way back home, I walked to the dorms after my workout. I’m careful to knock on the girls’ dorm room door, making sure I wait for the go ahead to enter so Cara doesn’t go ape shit on me again. When I don’t hear a response, I knock again and wait. I’m met with silence for the second time. I try to jiggle the door knob, but it’s locked. Pulling out my cell, I try calling Sophie. It rings and rings without a response, finally going to voicemail.

“Hey, gorgeous. I’m standing outside your room. Call me when you get this. I thought we had plans for dinner.” I hang up and sit down on the heater at the end of the hallway, deciding to call my sister. Maybe she’ll know where to find Sophie.

She picks up on the first ring. “Hi Kippy. What’s up?”

“Is Sophie with you?”

“No. She said she had dinner plans with you, so I’m going with Drew. Did you piss her off?”

“Not that I know of, but she isn’t answering the door or her phone.” I knock again, harder this time, in case she was asleep and didn’t hear me before. There’s still no response.