What are you waiting for?

Me:

I’m scared. What if it says I wasn’t accepted?

A:

I’m sure it won’t. You’re brilliant, and you have the GPA to prove it.

Me:

I just can’t open it.

A:

Okay, I’ll be over shortly.

Me:

Thanks. I love you.

A:

Love you always.

I sat on my front porch swing while I waited for him to arrive. Tracing my finger across my name and address on the front of the envelope, I prayed it was a yes. I was so lost in my mind, I didn’t even know Alec had arrived until he stepped up onto my porch.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I smiled. “I have about a million at the moment. Did you have one in particular you wanted?”

He laughed and walked over, sitting down on the swing beside me.

I handed him the envelope. “Will you please open it for me?”

He smiled reassuringly and he took it from me. I felt like I was going to throw up as he ran his finger along the top and ripped it open. My eyes were glued to the side of his face. I tried to gauge his reaction while he unfolded and read the letter. His demeanor was as expressionless as his voice was monotone while he read it aloud. Giving me no hint as to the contents until he spoke the words.

“Dear Samone,

Congratulations and welcome to The Owl Family! You have been accepted as a freshman to Kennesaw State University for the Fall Semester to the College of Humanities and Social Sciences.”

My mouth hung open, and I watched as he re-folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope. He leaned forward and set it on the table near the swing. When he sat back, he pulled me into his side and held my hand in his.

“Wow. I really got in,” I whispered. “Now we just have to wait for yours.”

He stiffened slightly. “No, we don’t. My acceptance letter came last week.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I playfully smacked his shoulder.

He chuckled. “Because I knew it would only make you worry more if you’d known. So I waited for yours to come.”

“What . . . what if mine said I wasn’t accepted?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Then I would have applied to Auburn and hoped I got accepted in time for the fall semester,” he said with a lopsided grin.

“Auburn?” I squeaked.

He shook his head and laughed, “Yes, Auburn. You only left your acceptance letter laying open on your dresser. I saw it the last time I was over when we studied for that English Lit exam. I had a feeling Tamron and Alison would try to talk you into going there.”

“Well, I’m not. I’m going to KSU with you.” I jumped up, grabbed his face and kissed him. Then I turned around, snatched up my letter, and ran inside to tell my parents the good news.

Our senior year of high school went by fast and, before we knew it, the school was taking orders for our caps and gowns for graduation. Alec and I would be starting Kennesaw State in the fall. We were supposed to start apartment hunting soon, but he’d been acting strange on and off for weeks. He was distant, and not only did it hurt, it had me really worried. I couldn’t shake the feeling something was seriously wrong. Some days he was late for school, or he’d leave early. When I asked about it, he blew me off, told me something had come up. His brief explanation about the fender bender still seemed shady. We’d never kept secrets from each other before, at least not up until that point.

When he didn’t show up at all one day, I’d had enough of his evasive answers. I was concerned and wanted to know what was going on. I heard his truck pull up to my house just after dinnertime, and I walked out to the front porch to meet him.

As soon as I saw him, I ran up and hugged him. But his body was stiff. He didn’t mold himself to me the way he usually did. He wasn’t welcoming, and it felt unnatural, making my heart ache in my chest.

As he pulled away, his touch felt robotic. He took my hand and walked us over to sit on the porch swing, where we used to cuddle, look at the stars, and talk about our dreams. Only now it felt forced, distant, and cold.

Suddenly, I wanted to run inside and hide upstairs in my room. Instead, my body froze in place with the dread of what I feared was coming. My eyes filled with tears, as I felt powerless to stop it.

Alec cleared his throat. “Look, Samone, we need to talk. Things just aren’t . . .”

I quickly put my hand over his mouth, wishing it could hold in the words. I let out a whimper as I shook my head. The word “no” was stuck in my throat, but I couldn’t find the voice to say it. Then he shifted us on the swing so we were sitting on our own sides. My hand fell from his face to my lap. There was maybe half a foot between us, but it felt like half a mile.

“Really Samone, you have to listen to me . . . please. We need to talk and it just can’t wait any longer. It’ll only be harder on both of us, and it’s better to just get it over with. A . . . clean break, you know, a fresh start,” he said.

I just sat there. I didn’t know how long it was until he continued. He must have taken my silence for acceptance, because he breathed what seemed like a sigh of relief and began again.

“Things just aren’t working out between us, and I think we need to end it here and now while there’s still hope of us being friends. Don’t . . .” He rested his hand on my shoulder. “Please don’t say we can’t be friends, Samone. I know we can. We just have to want to. We were too young to think we would be together forever, grow old, and watch our grandchildren play some day. Those are young-love dreams. They’re just not realistic. We graduate next month, and it’s time to think about the future.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Everything was perfect. Why are you ruining us? You were my future . . .” I whispered, choking on a sob as I hugged myself.

When he reached for my hand, I jerked it away.

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed. “Just go, Alec. Leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry, Samone. I really am.”

He had the balls to look like he meant those last words, and that made me angrier than anything. As I sat there, hugging my knees to my chest, panic overwhelmed me, and my face felt flushed and numb. I watched him walk down the steps and along the path, get in his truck, and drive away. He never even looked back. Apparently, a fresh start for him was easy.

School sucked. Even after school sucked. Alec wouldn’t so much as look at me. I’d never felt so utterly sad in my life. The end of my senior year went from fun and happy to depressed and devastated. Mom and Dad were beside themselves with how to make me feel better. But how could they? I’d spent the better part of two years with a guy I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. I gave him my virginity. I loved him, only to be crushed in the end.

I was on my way to the cafeteria when I saw Alec coming out of the office. He had a yellow slip of paper in his hand, a late pass. He was late—again. He turned in my direction. I continued on my path. When he was about to walk past me, I stepped in front of him.