There’s that sickening pain again.

I chew my lip, trying to find the strength inside to hold it together. I knew this was coming, but I guess in a way I didn’t think I really had to prepare for it. I knew I wouldn’t have Kip, but after hearing the way he talked about Erin, I didn’t think her plan would ever work out the way she wanted. I thought he would ignore all of us, go hang out with his brothers and let me hate myself in peace. Hell, there was even a part of me that thought maybe after Erin realized he wouldn’t be with her, she’d move on and I could start talking to him again. Not like he would ever want anything to do with me, but I could dream, right?

None of that mattered, though, because I was wrong. He’d waited a whole thirty-something hours before asking Erin out. And he did it in front of me. Maybe he wanted her all along.

Shit, was he the one playing me?

“Ex, I’m going to smack you so hard your Grand Little will feel it if you don’t quit,” I say, leaning up and forcing a smile to mask my true want to slap her right now. Yes, I know that makes me a shitty Little, but right now I’m in a strange place. “You look beautiful and clearly Kip is into you. He’s been with you all week and anytime you’re not together, your phone is going crazy with texts. He wants to see you and he’s going to have something amazing planned. So stop being crazy and start being excited.”

She smiles, moving to join Cassie and I on the bed. Wrapping me in a fierce hug, she says, “I love you so much, Little. Seriously, so much. I can’t believe what you did for me.” Erin pulls back, her hands still on my shoulders as she studies my eyes. “You’re going to be a phenomenal president, Skyler. I’ve only been doing this a little over a month and I already know you’ll be twice the president I am. Hey,” she adds excitedly, snapping her fingers. “What are you doing tomorrow after class? Come to the PanHellenic meeting with me. I want the other sororities’ officers to get to know you. You could start shadowing and seeing what it’s like. What do you say?”

I smile, but shake my head. “I don’t know, I was kind of hoping to just hang out tomorrow.”

Erin rolls her eyes. “Oh come on. You’ve been ‘hanging out’ every day since the dance. I barely even got you to come to the beach with us on Sunday. Pretty please? It’ll be Big/Little bonding time!”

“You should go, Big,” Cassie chimes in and I give her pleading eyes to back me up, but she doesn’t relent. “It’ll be good for you to get the hang of this stuff before you take office. You’ve seen how hard it’s been for Ex this past month and she’s basically a pro at everything.”

“Aw, thanks Baby G!” Erin beams at Cassie before turning back to me. “So, what do you say? You in?”

My head is starting to spin with the change in Erin’s attitude toward me. Ever since Friday, the evil glares that I was so unaccustomed to have been replaced with the Erin I used to know – the familiar, kind, fun Big I’ve loved since the moment I rushed. But now it’s me pulling away, and over what? A boy?

Boys make girls do really stupid things, sometimes.

“Okay,” I say, smiling. Erin squeals and claps her hands together just as Ashlei and Jess burst through the door.

“Yo, El Presidente,” Jess says as she jumps into bed between me and Cassie. “Loverboy is waiting for you downstairs.”

My stomach lurches.

“Ah!” She jumps up and grabs her clutch before adjusting her tits in her top one more time. “Okay, wish me luck, girls!”

They all shout different variations of “have fun” and “good luck” and I just keep smiling because I’m afraid if I open my mouth, nothing will come out. Nothing that should come out, anyway. Once Erin disappears behind the door closing shut again, Ashlei’s eyes immediately snap to me.

“So, on a scale of one to Amanda Bynes, how close are you to a meltdown right now?”

I sigh, grabbing one of Erin’s pillows and holding it tight to my chest. “I think I’m holding strong at a Tom Cruise pre-Oprah-couch right now.”

“Well, as long as we keep you off talk shows, then, I think you’ll be okay,” Jess says, laughing, but then her face steadies out and she grabs my hand. “Seriously, are you okay?”

“No. But it doesn’t really matter, does it?” I lift my head to face her. “I have to suck it up and figure out a way to be okay, right?”

Ashlei sighs and sits at the foot of the bed by Cassie, folding her hands in her lap. “It’ll get better, Sky. Just give it some time. I’ve learned there’s nothing time and alcohol can’t fix.”

“Well, we seem to be missing one ingredient in that recipe,” I point out.

Jess hops off the bed and scurries down the hall before returning with a bottle of wine. “Have no fear – J-Love is here.”

“How the hell did you get that in here?” Cassie asks, grabbing the bottle and opener from Jess’s hands. She opens it quickly and takes a sip before passing it to me.

“It’s not rocket science, Little Miss Innocent. You just shove it in your book bag. It’s not like Mom Cindy is checking anything around here.”

Mom Cindy is our sweet, but not completely there house mom. She channels her inner hippie from 1974 when shopping for clothes and has a “natural remedy” for just about anything. Although, her hangover tea is pretty amazing. “Little Nug is just too well-behaved for her own good,” I say, lifting the bottle to my lips. It’s a sweet, light pink, fruity wine and not really my taste, but it’ll do.

She crosses her arms defensively. “Whatever. I just know the rules and don’t like to take the chance of getting kicked out of the sorority.”

“Yeah yeah, Goodie Two Shoes.” Jess snatches the bottle from me and tilts it toward my Little, toasting. “Here’s to taking a walk on the wild side.” She takes a big drink and we all laugh.

My phone buzzing makes me stop short, my heart in my throat. Every time it goes off I can’t help but hope Kip’s name pops up on the screen, but it never does. I glance at it hopefully again, but feel the same disappointment wash over me.

“Adam again?” Ashlei asks, nodding toward my phone as Jess hands her the wine bottle. I nod, placing it face-down on the bed again.

“He’s been pretty persistent since Friday,” Jess notes.

“Yeah, well,” I say, leaning back against the sea of pillows on Erin’s bed. “He’s the only Alpha Sigma brother talking to me right now, so there’s that.” Adam has texted me every day since the dance and we talked for a while on Sunday at the beach, but he hasn’t brought up what was said Friday night and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t feel that way toward me anymore or because he’s waiting for me. Either way, I’m grateful for the temporary escape.

I notice my Little is quiet now, sipping from the bottle when it’s passed her way but keeping her eyes down otherwise. I can’t help but wonder if she’s upset that Kade hasn’t talked to her since the dance. It’s my fault and we both know it, but neither of us bring it up.

“Are you going to hang out with him?” Ashlei asks.

I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I probably should after the shit I said Friday night but it was all a lie, so everything’s just going to get messy if I see him. I doubt he still has feelings for me but if he does, then it’s not like we can just hang out as friends like we have been.”

“So you don’t like him that way anymore?”

“No, not even a little bit.” I shake my head, taking a long slug from the bottle. It’s already half empty at this point and I feel the buzz setting in.

“You need to be honest with him then,” my Little says, finally looking up from the bed. “You can’t lead him on, too.”

I frown. “I’m not leading him on, Little. But I can’t just tell him that was all a lie. He’d tell Kip and then there’d be an even bigger mess than there is now. I just have to play this stupid game a little longer. Maybe hang out with Adam a few times and then tell him it’s just not working out or something.”