“I love you, too, Dan. And I’m not so much of a cop that you can’t trust me with anything.”

“That’s what I hoped you’d say. Look, I’ll level with you. Dating a cop was as much a kick at first as dialing a call girl. I’m not sure there wasn’t even a little bit of a revenge motive in it. You know, getting you in bed after you’d arrested and embarrassed me.”

I started to say something, but he held up his hand.

“No. Let me get this out. It’s not easy for me. That’s how it started, but that’s not the way it is now. When I said I love you I meant it, but I’m not sure you’ll want to stay with me when you hear what I have to say.

“You like this house and the cars and my lifestyle, don’t you?”

“That’s not why I’ve been seeing you,” I answered defensively.

“I didn’t say it was. Aren’t you curious about how I can afford to keep them up?”

“You told me that you’re doing well at work, and about your inheritance. Besides, it’s none of my business.”

“You really don’t have any idea of how much it costs to live like I do, do you?”

“Where is this going?” I asked, suddenly growing a little concerned.

“If you learned something bad about me, that I was doing…That I was dishonest. What would happen?”

“To us?” I answered, confused.

“As a cop. Would you turn me in?”

I looked at him and I thought about us. Like I said, I wasn’t sure I loved him, but I liked him enough to know my answer.

“I don’t turn in my friends.”

“Then I’ll say what I have to say and you can decide what you want to do. I haven’t been completely honest with you about my financial situation.” Dan looked embarrassed, a look I had never seen before. Not even when I’d busted him. “I always thought my parents were loaded, and I assumed I’d inherit what they had, so I never really applied myself in school. I’m pretty bright—I’ve got a good IQ—but college was one big party and I graduated without many practical skills.

“Soon after my parents died I had a rude awakening. This house, a vacation home, a trust fund and some stocks were all I got. It wasn’t peanuts but I learned that they weren’t as well-off as I’d thought.

“It never occurred to me that I’d have to pay property taxes, the upkeep on a house like this and all the other expenses parents worry about but don’t discuss with their children. The lawyer who probated the estate taught me the financial facts of life. I held out for a while, but eventually I had to sell the vacation home. Then I used up my trust fund and sold off a lot of my stocks to keep up this lifestyle. Like I said, I have no marketable skills.”

“What about the brokerage?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s real, and I am doing okay, but what I earn just about covers the property taxes and expenses for a place like this.”

“Why don’t you sell it?”

Dan looked me in the eye. “Would you? If you had a house like this, wouldn’t you do whatever you had to do to keep it?”

I didn’t say anything. What could I say? I knew I’d kill to keep this house if it were ever mine. Dan smiled sadly. He reached up and touched my cheek. The heat of his hand felt so good that I missed it when he took it away.

“I knew you’d understand. That’s why I love you. We’re so different, but we’re the same in the ways that count.”

“If you don’t make enough to afford…everything, and you didn’t inherit enough to keep it…?” I asked.

Dan broke eye contact. “There’s no way to sugarcoat this, Monica. I’ve been dealing.”

“Narcotics?” I said, stunned. He nodded.

“Cocaine, mostly. No heroin. I wouldn’t do that. Some marijuana. I’m careful. I sell to select customers, friends mostly, some of my clients. It’s actually the only thing I’ve ever done well on my own.”

I got out of bed and walked to the window. I didn’t know what to say.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “Do you have any idea of the spot you’ve put me in?”

“I do appreciate the moral dilemma I’ve created for you, but it’s not going to be a problem anymore. I love you and I knew I couldn’t keep seeing you if I didn’t come clean about this. I respect what you do, being a cop. I don’t ever want to compromise you.”

I turned back toward the bed. “Well, you have. I should bust you after what you’ve confessed to me.”

“You don’t have to, Monica. I told you so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us, and the reason I’m telling you now is that it’s all going to stop. I had to make a choice between you and dealing, and it wasn’t even close. But I didn’t know how you’d feel about that. If you’d still want to stay with me.”

“Why should I object if you stop selling dope?”

“You don’t understand. If I stop dealing, this,” he said, waving his hand around the room, “is all going to end—the house and the cars and the restaurants and…everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I said. Without the cocaine, I can’t afford the lifestyle and there won’t be any more cocaine.”

“Because of me?”

“That’s the biggest part of it, but there’s also a practical reason. If I was religious I’d see the hand of God at work.” Dan smiled. “I knew I loved you soon after we met and I knew I’d have to stop dealing if I wanted to keep you, but I didn’t know how I was going to get out of the life. The people I worked for are very dangerous. I was afraid of what they’d do if I told them I wasn’t going to deal for them anymore and they found out I was dating a cop, and they would have found out. These guys are very connected. I…Well, I worried—really worried—that they might hurt you, or threaten to hurt you if I told them I was going to quit.”

“Jesus, Dan,” I said, really worried because I knew what he said was true. There are dealers that wouldn’t think twice about killing a cop.

“Its okay, Monica. You don’t have to worry.” He laughed. “Talk about your acts of God.” He smiled. “The week before we met, my connection was busted. Then, right after you arrested me, the DEA arrested the head of the cartel he worked for.”

“Who was he?”

“Alberto Perez.” I’d heard about the bust. Perez was big. “They got him in Miami with millions of dollars worth of coke and they got most of his organization, too. It’s finito.”

“Your connection didn’t sell you out?”

“I worried about that a lot. When we started dating, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it didn’t, and I think I know why. I’m small potatoes. The feds aren’t going to waste time on someone who deals at my level. You know that. Besides, I’d sold all my product. I was supposed to get some more from the shipment they confiscated. So, I’m clean. There’d be no hard evidence I was a dealer, even if they wanted me. It’s been two months now. More since my connection was arrested. So, I’m guessing I’m safe.”

I turned back to the ocean but I didn’t see it. I was thinking too hard about how much I trusted Dan and what I was willing to do to keep him.

“So, what will you do?” I asked to stall for time.

“I’ll have to sell most of what I have. I can get a bundle for the house. The cars will have to go. I sat down with my accountant. I’ll be in good shape if I watch my money. But the life you’ve seen me lead, that’s over.”

The house! I couldn’t bear it. To be this close to living the life I’d dreamed of living for so many years, and then to have it snatched away. Dan was talking but I wasn’t listening. I was upset, but there’s this thing about me. I can wall off my emotions when I need to make a serious decision. It comes in handy as a cop and it was coming in handy now. I had a good idea of how I could save the house, but I wanted to think before I said anything to Dan. There was too much at stake. So I got back in bed and I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him.

“I love you, Dan,” I said. “I want to be with you. You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. We’ll be working stiffs. That’s not so bad. I’ve been one all my life. You’ll see. We’ll be fine.”