So this was hell. Standing there listening to my girl tell me that she could never forgive me for what I’d done to us.

It was over. She would never be able to get over my mistake.

If my heart hadn’t already broken into tiny pieces, it would have broken all over again.

My chest was so tight I could barely breathe. Tears burned in my eyes as I watched her turn and run away from me. The last thing I saw was the swing of her long ponytail as she disappeared inside. I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be it. Dear God, this couldn’t be it.

I climbed on my bike and tore away from the Pizza Palace. For a while I just rode. Streetlights rushed by in a blur. Before I realized it, I was out the front of Armie’s house. He had turned his garage into a studio and the light was on when I pulled up on the driveway. As I climbed off my bike the automatic door rolled up. Armie took one look at my face and nodded. He walked to the bar fridge, pulled out a beer and handed it to me. Kelsey (it was hard to keep up with if they were on or off) came over and hugged me.

She was so sweet and kind to me, it made me feel even sorrier for myself.

“I would ask if you’re okay, but your face pretty much tells me that you’re not,” she said. I slumped down on the black leather couch on the back wall and she joined me.

Armie resumed the spot on the chair where he’d been sitting when I arrived. He picked up his guitar and absentmindedly strummed it.

“You saw your girl?” He asked.

I took a swill of beer and nodded. “She fucking hates me.”

“That’ll pass,” Kelsey offered kindly.

I picked at the label on the beer bottle. Fuck, now I wanted to cry like a little girl. “You think?”

She nodded. “It’ll take time. She needs time to process it all and then work out what she needs to do next.”

“What if that involves moving on without me?” I exhaled deeply, hating the thought.

Armie stopped strumming. “Then maybe you need to think about moving on without her.”

I felt Kelsey’s hand on my shoulder. “Armie’s right, you need to get out of your funk and start thinking about getting on with it.”

It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. But they were right. Maybe my future involved getting used to not having Harlow in my life. Maybe getting over her was the answer.

“We’re about to head out on the road, dude. You need to get your head clear.” He started strumming again. “Get pissed. One night. Spill your guts and get it out of your system. Hell, cry on my shoulder if that’s what you need to do. But then put this all behind you and let’s hit the road without her ghost making you so miserable.”

“Put Harlow behind me?”

“I love Harlow. You know that. Dude, I think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. But you need to be on your game when we get out there on road. We need you to be focused.” He smiled. “Some time away from each other is probably the best thing. Maybe when we get back, maybe the timing will be better for you both then?”

Armie was right. I had to face the fact that Harlow was probably never going to get over what happened. Perhaps the only answer to ending my misery was to move forward. Focus on the band. The music. The upcoming tour. We would be gone for six weeks. Maybe it would be enough time for Harlow to calm down. To see that I’d made a colossal mistake. See how much I regretted it. And realize that I’d never jeopardize our relationship again.

I sighed and put the empty beer bottle down on the table in front of me. “Got anything stronger?”

Kelsey retrieved a half bottle of tequila from behind the makeshift bar and lined up three shot glasses in front of me.

“You’ve got a birthday coming up soon, haven’t you?” she said.

“Hey, its tomorrow, isn’t it?” Armie chimed in.

I nodded. “Yep.”

She handed us a shot glass each and the three of us clinked them. “Then Happy birthday to you, Heath.”

“Here’s to moving forward,” Armie toasted.

“To moving forward,” I agreed and threw back the shot.

The tequila spread its warmth through my chest and I grimaced at the taste. Almost immediately the haze enveloped my brain and I smiled. Shots two, three, four and five quickly followed.

Joined by Led Zeppelin,  Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold and Armie’s favourite Ozzy Osbourne album, Blizzard of Oz, the mix of good music and alcohol lightened the pain in my chest.

Two hours later and my eyes were heavy with alcohol and I was all talked out. Armie and Kelsey decided to turn in.

 Drunk, I settled into the couch and Kelsey grabbed me a blanket. I would never drink drive, so I decided to sleep off the tequila before riding home in the morning.

When Kelsey turned out the light and closed the door behind them, I looked down at my phone. It was after midnight and my phone’s date showed August 3. It was the day I would move forward. Without Harlow. Because at the end of the day that was what we both needed me to do.

I lay on my back and put my forearm over my eyes.

“Happy fucking birthday to me,” I mumbled and promptly passed out.

* * * * *

HARLOW

The rest of August passed in an empty haze. Once my anger subsided, sadness had set in and I felt as if a massive part of my life had been cut away.

Since our confrontation outside The Palace I hadn’t seen or heard from Heath. The next day had been his birthday and it had been hard not to share it with him. I lost count of how many times I’d held my cell phone in my hand desperate to speak to him. I wanted to wish him a happy birthday. Yet at the same time, I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him, even though I missed him. Because then I’d think about what he’d done and I’d hate him all over again. It was doing my head in and had turned me into a freakin’ psycho!

Vengeance left town on their short tour with the Masters of Mayhem music festival. I told myself it was a good thing. It meant I wouldn’t have to worry about Heath turning up at work during my shift or running into him whenever I ventured out with Piper and Bridget.

Not that I did much of that.

Not that I did much of anything.

As August became September I sank into a zombie-like depression and hated myself for it.

Heath was gone. I had told him to go away and he had listened. Worse still, I had told him I could never love him again and he had believed me.

Ugh! I was such a teenage brat. I needed to grow up. I needed to grow up fast.

Heath was away on tour. Free as a bird. Probably in the arms of another woman. And where was I? Alone. Struggling with what had happened and my decision to break up with him.

But I knew I wouldn’t be able to get over what happened in Vegas. Trying to do so would be nothing but heartache for both of us. I would be suspicious of every girl he talked to and that wasn’t me. The best I could do would be to move on. But that was proving hard to do.

Even though I knew we could never be together again as a couple I missed him. I missed my best friend. If we could just talk, if I could just tell him how much I wanted to be his friend again …

Thankfully, Fat Tony had given me extra shifts at The Palace, which kept me distracted. And when Piper left to join the band on the East Coast leg of the tour, I took on her shifts as well.

But I missed her when she was gone.

In the weeks following the breakup she had been a bottomless source of comfort. She could always make me feel better. Now she was gone too and I was feeling sorry for myself.

The tour looked to be successful. From what I could tell from Facebook and Instagram anyway. And Piper texted me daily. Not that she ever mentioned Heath. Not once. And at first that was cool. But now that my anger was gone and I found myself missing him, I was desperate for any news about him.

Had he moved on? Was he with other girls? Was there anyone special or had he gone back to his old ways and started to nail a new girl in each city? Was he over me?