The only thing that mattered was how he felt about me. And he loved me. I knew that. It was there in every look, every word, every touch … and I had turned my back on him for fucking it up when, really, it was forgivable. He hadn’t set out to hurt me. It had been one big clusterfuck and it was time to move on from it.

I wasn’t prepared to live without him a moment longer. He was mine. And I was all his. I always had been. From the moment he leapt off that stage and asked me my name.

I loved him.

Completely.

And I forgave him.

Completely.

I. Was. His.

For the first time in days he had relaxed into a deep, restful sleep. His body was warm, pressed against me, and the heaviness of his muscular bulk was comforting.

I wondered if I should wake him up and tell him that I thought we should be together; if it wasn’t too late. If I hadn’t pushed him too far away.

But he looked so exhausted, even in his slumber. He needed to sleep. To rest his tortured mind.

I would tell him tomorrow. Tell him how much I loved him. And that we belong together.

“I love you,” I whispered into the stillness of the shadows.

His body was infinite warmth beside me and I felt more content and safer than I had in a long time.

Sleep came as the moonlight disappeared from the room and settled me in darkness. My body finally relaxed and I was pulled into a deep and heavy slumber.

When I awoke, sunlight warmed the room with its white light through the curtains. I blinked, my mind slowly coming to life. I reached for him but found only an empty space in the bed beside me.

I was alone.

Heath was gone.

He had left a note on my bedside table.

If I had stayed I would never be able to let you go. I know you are right. We are better as friends. Thank you for helping me find peace with it. Goodbye my H-bomb. Your friend, Heath.

I sat frozen and re-read it several times, trying to process it. Trying to make sense of his words. It was goodbye. Heath was letting me go.

And it was the last fucking thing I wanted.

But what did I expect? I had pushed him away. I had spent the last month telling him I could never forgive him. Telling him to leave me alone. Because I was hurt and mad, and … goddamn it … what a fucking mess.

I didn’t want to cry but I did. Because he was gone. And I had made him go away. I had made him think we were better as friends. And now he believed it. Because I was young and stupid and one giant pain in the ass!

Last night had been his goodbye.

I slumped back into the spot where not so long ago he had been sleeping. His smell lingered in the sheets. Warm and clean. And the familiar scent of him induced another bout of tears, and I squashed his pillow over my face to muffle my sobs.

What. Had. I. Done?

I wanted to ring him. To tell him I was wrong. That I had fucked up. That I was still batshit crazy about him. That I didn’t want to go back to Georgia and my shitty, shitty life. That my home was … fuck, my home was wherever the hell he was …

But his letter … Thank you for helping me find peace with it.

If I said anything now it would confuse him. Upset him. Send his world further into a tailspin. It wouldn’t be fair on him. Now wasn’t the right time. He had just lost his best friend. It was about Armie now. Not some stupid teenage girl who couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

No. I had made my choice and now I had to live with it.

Even if that meant living without him.

Chapter Twenty HARLOW

It was two days before I saw him again. On my last night in California.

Fat Tony had organized a surprise farewell dinner at the Pizza Palace. My eyes welled with tears as I walked in and saw everyone there waiting for me. They were all there for me, to help me celebrate my last night in California. Fat Tony. Leo. Bridget. Coralee. Nikki. Piper. Jesse. Zack. Tommy.

Heath.

He sat down the other end of the table from me, relaxed and calm. Any residual sadness that I occasionally caught on his beautiful face wasn’t because of me. It was over Armie. And he did an amazing job at keeping it in check. Although when he smiled, it never quite reached his eyes. Apparently he had spent the last two days with his brothers up in the family cabin at Arcadia. Piper said he’d rung Jesse and said, “Fuck it, we have to keep going. Let’s do it for Armie.” And the band was due to start working on their album in the next week.

Tonight he barely acknowledged me but when he did, he smiled and it was warm, but it lacked everything we had once shared.

I smiled back at him, my heart aching and longing for him to love me again. But he didn’t. Not anymore. I could see that. From across the table. He didn’t love me anymore because I had told him not to. And he never once tried to catch my eye. And I never caught him stealing a look in my direction.

Heath had gone and done what I had asked him to do. No. What I had demanded he do. He had moved on.

It took all my energy to hide my misery. Up until Heath’s note I hadn’t truly believed I was going back to Georgia. But I was. And my Californian adventure had come to an end. Just like Heath and I.

I sucked in a deep breath trying to fill my heavy chest with oxygen. I smiled brightly and exhaled deeply to shake off the pain.

It was then I heard the song playing in the jukebox. ‘I Want Her’ by Blind Truth. The song Piper had insisted Heath sing at karaoke. Which he had sung to me in that glorious, raspy voice. I know what’s best and I confess that I want her …

The memory was like a horse-kick to the chest and I couldn’t stop my eyes from flicking across the table towards him.

He recognized the song too and his sparkling eyes found mine. He winked, raised his glass and smiled. I forced myself to smile back and nod, as if my heart wasn’t breaking over and over again with every damn minute that passed.

But the moment was over just as quickly as it had begun. He looked away and continued talking to Jesse, and didn’t glance back at me. Just like that. It was all over. He didn’t look sad. He didn’t look nostalgic. He looked … okay.

I swallowed deeply. I could barely stand it any longer.

“Okay, okay, time for the guest of honor to bestow us all with a speech!” Bridget insisted.

Suddenly, everyone was looking at me and encouraging me to make a speech. I hated being the center of attention and usually did what I could to avoid it. But that wasn’t going to happen thanks to my insistent cousin and Leo. I threw back a shot of tequila that Leo put in front of me. The tequila burned my throat and chest on the way down and my insides lit up.

It took me a moment to collect myself before I could speak.

“Where do I start?” I breathed, nervously.

“How about with how awesome your fellow colleagues and friends are. Namely me,” Leo heckled.

I smiled. “Well that is true. For sure.” My eyes swept across the faces of my new friends and I couldn’t stop the sadness from passing over my expression. “You have all been such an important part in making my time here … brilliant. Each and every one of you.” I looked at them all, except Heath, because it hurt too much to look at him. “I had no idea what I was going to see and do when I came to California for the summer. I just knew something amazing was going to happen. And boy,” I exhaled deeply, and smiled, “did it ever. I have had the most extraordinary five months here and it’s all because of the people sitting around this table. Each one of you has helped to make this an adventure … one I will never forget … and I thank you, I thank you all so very much.”

“Don’t forget us, H.” Jesse raised his glass and everyone followed suit. “To Harlow … we will miss you.”

Piper jumped up and threw her arms around my neck. “I’m going to miss you so much.”