I looked over my shoulder to Sean who was grinning. "He watched Braveheart with us lads last night."

Of course he did.

I turned back around and gave my mother a closed lipped smile. "I need a shower." And to be left alone.

My mother placed her hands on my cheeks. "You were crying."

I blinked my eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

I moved around my mother, walked by the living room and down the hall to the stairs. My parents never touched my bedroom when I moved out so it was still the same as when I left it at twenty-two. It meant I had clothes here and everything was familiar.

Familiarity was something I needed right now.

As I headed up the stairs I heard my mother ask Sean, "Where is Darcy and Justin?"

"Darcy can't make dinner today, he is busy!" I shouted and continued to walk up the stairs.

When I was in my old room I broke down then mentally scowled at myself for it.

"Stop it!" I hissed and shook my head.

I forced my mind to think of simple things, like getting a shower.

Hot water. Shower gel. Shampoo and conditioner.

Heaven.

I stripped myself free of my blazer, dress, and heels - vowing to burn each item as they hit the floor. I walked into the en-suite bathroom that was connected to my bedroom and turned on my shower. I waited a few minutes until steam poured from the shower.

I stepped under the hot spray of water and sighed with delight. I did nothing for a few minutes but stand under the water and revel in the heat as each toasty droplet hit my skin and caused tingles to spread over the surface of my body. When I was relaxed, or as relaxed as I could be, I reached for my shampoo and squeezed a huge amount on my hand. I spread it out over my head with both hands and rubbed it into my scalp until a thick lather of suds appeared. I roughly scrubbed my scalp then dragged the suds down my hair and gave the middle and ends of my hair a good cleanse. I washed my hair out and repeated the step simply because I didn't wash it once while I was at... while I was up the mountains.

I growled at myself for almost slipping up and thinking of the one thing that I refused to think of. I switched my mind back to my shower routine and conditioned my hair. When it came time to wash my skin, my hand automatically reached for my favourite shower gel, my vanilla scented one, but I quickly grabbed the strawberry one instead.

I never wanted to smell the scent of vanilla ever again.

I began to wash my skin, and as I looked down to my chest I froze. After I moment of squinting I spotted a love bite on my left breast. I rubbed the loofah over the bite area, and when it didn't rub off I gritted my teeth and rubbed the loofah back and fourth over the area until it stung. I looked over my arms and legs and spotted some light bruises and scraps from last night events with Darcy. When I thought of him I slapped the shower wall and burst into tears.

I couldn't escape him.

I roughly scrubbed over my body with the loofah trying desperately to remove any and every trace of him from my body. When I was finished my skin was red, raw, and sore. I slid against my shower tiles as I sunk down to my behind. I hissed when I sat down, between my thighs was tender and sore.

I cried harder with the reminder of why.

"I hate him," I whispered.

No, you don't.

I placed my face in my hands when my mind whispered the dreaded truth. I wanted desperately to hate Darcy, but I couldn't and I didn't understand why. Hating him was the easiest thing I had ever done. I hated him for the last twenty years, but why did one night render that habit now impossible?

Fucking men.

I cried myself dry, and sat on the floor of my shower until the water ran cold. I turned the shower off and got out, then dried myself with the towel on the towel rack. I went back out into my bedroom and froze when I spotted my mother sat on my bed.

"Tell me what happened," she said.

I swallowed. "What are you-"

"I asked Sean what was wrong with you and he told me to come talk to you. I did just that and when I came in here I heard you crying in the bathroom. What happened between you and Darcy that has upset you so much?" my mother cut me off, her voice stern.

I didn't want to talk about it, but I did at the same time and if I was unloading this on someone, it was my mother.

I blinked my swollen eyes and whispered, "We slept together."

My mother stared at me for a countless number of seconds in silence. I gripped onto my towel and stared directly back at her in silence. I didn't know what else needed to be said, so I kept my mouth shut.

"You and Darcy?" she asked.

I rolled my tired eyes. "No, me and Frosty the Snowman got it on... of course Darcy, Ma."

My mother swallowed, but said nothing.

It was very unlike my mother because, well, she never stopped talking.

"Say something," I pleaded.

My mother looked up at me and with a serious face she asked, "Was he any good?"

What?

Fucking what?

"Ma!"

My mother unexpectedly laughed, "What?"

Really?

"You can't just ask me something like that? Can't you see I'm upset about the... situation?"

My mother lost her smile, and frowned. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I just wanted to make you smile."

"Tell me Darcy isn't coming to dinner - that will make me smile," I stated.

My mother sighed, and that sigh instantly gave me my answer.

"I'm not going to dinner if he will be there, Ma. No way."

I couldn't face him. Not ever.

"Neala, just... tell me what happened."

I scrunched my face up in disgust making my mother chuckle.

"I don't want the dirty details, just tell me what happened before the nastiness occurred."

Nastiness?

I shook my head clear and walked over to my dresser.

"Nothing much happened, Ma," I said as I got underwear and pyjamas from my drawers.

"Put the pyjamas back, you're wearing a onesie to dinner just like me."

I looked up the ceiling and closed my eyes.

Please help me, Jesus.

"I'm not going to dinner," I repeated.

"Yeah, you are, and don't give me the 'nothing happened' speech. You and Darcy hated one another, something happened for sex to happen."

I made a mistake the moment she said the word sex. This turned out to be horrible to talk about with my mother, because she knew Darcy, he was like a son to her.

"I don't know, Ma... We just got to talking without arguing for once and we just went down memory lane and hashed a lot of bullshit out. We apologised, and even called a truce. There was even talk of something possibly happening between us because we admitted to fancying one another."

My mother nodded her head and said, "Then you both slept together... that sounds pretty great to me, but you're very upset so what's the kicker?"

She never missed a thing.

"I overheard him tell Sean and Darcy this morning that the wine we drank caused us to make the mistake of sleeping together." I looked down to my bare feet and frowned. "The thing is, the wine didn't even affect me, my part it in was down to my sober mind... I didn't think it was a mistake, and I feel sick that Darcy's regrets it... regrets me."

I turned around and looked up to the ceiling and willed away the tears that were building up in my eyes.

"This is bollocks," I snapped. "I hated him a few days ago... I don't know how I've landed meself in this position. It's sucks."