I hold his eyes, seeing how golden they are in the morning light. How warm.

“I made a mistake.” I whisper.

“By helping me?” He doesn’t sound hurt. Only curious.

I shake my head and shrug, looking away. I don’t know. I don’t regret helping him, even with what it has cost me. I don’t regret letting him into my home and letting him fill the empty space. I don’t regret showing him the movie and the music. But most importantly, I don’t regret telling him to go.

“Promise not to get mad again?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No.”

“Okay. I’ll say it anyway. Come with me.”

I take a deep breath, knowing where this is going. It’s going where it always goes when people find me, the lost little lamb out in the wild all alone, and they want to save me. And years ago, I would go with them. I would let them help me and I would watch them die and I would be alone all over again.

“I am coming with you. You’re showing me your home.” I say, dodging the request.

“You know what I mean. Come with me permanently. Stay with the gang. You’ll be safer.”

I snort a laugh. “Yeah right. You just said I’m at risk with all the men out here. Now you want me to move in with a mob of them. No thank you.”

“I can keep you safe there.”

“How? By claiming me? Making me yours and keeping me in your bed so I don’t wind up pushed into someone else’s? Or worse, passed around like a toy?”

He doesn’t answer right away and I feel my blood boil.

“It wouldn’t be like that. That’s not what I’m suggesting.” he finally says calmly. “I would never—I’d never be a threat to you. I’d make sure no one else was either.”

“No thanks.” I tell him curtly.

“I—“ He takes a deep breath and lets it out harshly. “This all came out wrong.”

“Hopefully, yeah. Look, I get it. You want to help me and I believe you. If you were willing to do something heinous, you’d have done it last night. It would have been easy. But how is it a good idea to bring me somewhere that you have to protect me all the time? And what happens if you’re gone? What if you die? Can I just walk out the door or do I belong to the gang then?”

He doesn’t answer and I’m done because I’m right.

“I’m better off as I am.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you are.” he says quietly. I can tell this really bothers him. He’s sorry he can’t help me and I hate that. I don’t need help. I’ve got this. I’ve had it under control all on my own for years now and I don’t need some knight in shining armor to come running up and save me.

As we walk in silence I see the park peek through between the buildings. The tall trees that have overrun the area standing proud and waving in the light breeze. Crenshaw is in there. Crenshaw who has never offered me help beyond what I ask for. Who makes his trades with me, offers his advice when asked and then pisses off. Crenshaw who never calls me by my name.

“Thank you.” I blurt out, surprising us both.

His brows pinch in confusion. “I thought you were mad at me. What are you thanking me for?”

“I am. I’m kinda mad at you. But you’re being nice.”

“You’re mad at me for being nice?”

“No, I’m thanking you for being nice.”

“I am so confused.”

I grin at him. “Me too.”

“Joss, I want you to understand that—“

“Shhhh! Shut up!” I whisper harshly, grabbing his arm and pulling him down into a crouch with me. “Look.”

A deer. It’s strolling slowly, almost casual, as though it doesn’t have a care in the world. Not for zombies and certainly not for us.

“What do you want to do?” he whispers, leaning his head close. “Do you want to go for it?”

I nod excitedly. “I haven’t had anything but rabbit in forever.”

“Not stealthy enough to take down a deer?” he asks, smirking at me.

I glare at him. “Not alone, no, and neither are you. But if we work together…”

“I thought you don’t play well with others.”

I chuckle softly. “Ryan, for a chance at deer meat, I can be very agreeable.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. It’s heading for the park. Let’s cut over a block so we can run without spooking it.”

We rise slowly out of our crouch, trying not to land in the deer’s peripheral. Once we’re clear of its sightline we take off at a sprint, running quietly down the street on the balls of our feet, landing on as little surface as possible to make the least amount of noise. We have to push through tall grass and dodge cars and rubble. Fallen street signs and sections of buildings. A refrigerator it looks like some idiots threw off a roof for fun. I wonder briefly, since we’re in his neighborhood, if it was Ryan’s band of idiots that did it.

When we reach the edge of the park we find that we beat the deer here. We quickly hide crouched down in a row of thick bushes just on the edge of the park where we can see the break in the trees where he’s going to come in. I get impatient and stand up briefly, looking for him. He’s walking so slowly I wonder if he’s not sick. I don’t want to eat rancid deer meat and get sick again. Food poisoning is deadly and I’ve only had to deal with it once. All I can say is thank goodness I had my toilet.

“Why is he moving so slowly?” I breathe as silently as I can.

“What should he be hurrying for? There’s nothing chasing him.”

“Not that he knows of.”

“Maybe he’s just a laid back guy.”

“You two could hang out. Become bros.”

He snorts quietly. “I need a good dinner more than a bro.”

“Okay, he’s in. I’ll circle behind him on his right, you flank him on his left then we’ll close in on him together. Good?”

“Good.” Ryan stands up, his head and shoulders coming above the bushes. I stay crouched, ready to spring up like a sprinter out of the blocks. “Ready?”

“Ryan!” a voice bellows from behind us.

The deer jerks its head around, its ears twitching and its large black eyes scanning the area. Whether it spots us or the owner of the obnoxiously loud voice I don’t know. But it makes the smart choice and leaps into the thickness of the trees, disappearing into the shadows.

Ryan whirls around, looking for whoever is calling to him.

“Stay down.” he mumbles.

“No shit.” I reply, tucking myself farther into the bushes by his knees.

“Bray?” Ryan calls.

“Yeah, man, what are you doing?”

“Trying to catch some dinner. I was following a deer.”

Bray laughs. “Come on, a deer? You’re good but you’re not that good.”

“I’d be better if people didn’t shout at the top of their lungs and scare it away.”

“Sorry.  I didn’t know. I’ve been out looking for you all morning. We weren’t sure we’d find you alive.”

“You’re not supposed to look for me.”

“Yeah, I know. But with what happened with Kevin… Well, we made a decision to skip the rules a little and go looking for you at first light. We just lost him. No one was ready to lose you too.”

A silence falls between them and I can see Ryan’s hand clenching his knife tightly.

“But you gotta come in now.” Bray tells him, breaking the silence. “Everyone needs to. Trent’s in the crow’s nest with the specs and he spotted bad news.”

“What’s up?”

“Risen. The dead, man, they’re back in force.”

“What? How?”

“Don’t know, but we have theories. Trent has spotted at least fifty, probably more. And they’re fresh.”

Ryan curses under his breath. “Women and children in the mix?”

“Yep. You get the idea of what’s happened, right?”

A Colony has fallen.

“Colony.” Ryan says darkly.

“That’s what we think.” Bray agrees. “It can’t have been more than one and it can’t have been one of the stadiums. The numbers would be higher. That means there’s more of them out there than we know about.”

“Unless the Risen are spread out. There might be more than Trent can see.”

“We think there are. We’re pretty sure it’s just one section that’s gone down though. A smaller one. We’re hoping anyway. If all of the Colonies in the area get infected…”