“I’ve been better.”

“Maybe you should move.”

I smirked. “I’ve considered it. My lease isn’t up for a few months though.”

“I’m sure Scotty and Livia wouldn’t mind letting you live with them temporarily.”

I cringed. “And share a wall with my sister? No thanks.”

“Good point.”

I ordered another beer and tried to fight the pounding headache behind my eyes. People were crowded in the bar and the music was loud. I couldn’t hear the game on the TV but I could see it.

A group of guys walked in, all wearing San Diego Firefighter t-shirts.

I smelled trouble.

I glanced to the left and noticed Jace. And he wasn’t alone. That same blonde was on his arm. There was a noticeable scar along the side of his head, the mark I left on him. He probably wouldn’t press charges because he would have to admit I attacked him, and if he was at the firehouse the whole time, his cover to Alaska would be blown. I guess that was in my favor.

The fact he was with all his coworkers made me sick. None of them knew Alaska? She called and checked in on him a few times. They just covered for him? They let her believe his lies? If I were a cheater, my sister would be the first one to rat me out.

“What?” Sage caught my look.

“That’s her boyfriend.” I nodded in their direction.

He cast a discreet glance. “Which one?”

“The one with the blonde.”

He looked back at me. “You’re sure?”

“You see the scar on his head?”

“Should we leave…?”

“I’m not scared of him.”

He eyed him hesitantly. “Me neither but…he’s with a dozen firefighters.”

“Still don’t care.” I drank my beer.

“You aren’t mad that he’s still cheating on her?”

“Of course, I’m mad. But I already told Alaska and she didn’t believe me.”

He pulled out his phone. “Um…in case you haven’t noticed, technology has changed in the past few years.”

It didn’t cross my mind. I pulled out my phone and turned on the camera.

“Just record it and send it to her. She won’t be able to deny that.”

I leaned back and stood the camera up against my glass. “I’d like to see her try.”

Sage and I drank our beers while the asshole smothered the blonde in kisses. His hand gripped her ass a few times, and he sucked her neck while he pushed her into the bar. Watching it made me sick. I wished I were doing that with Alaska, kissing her and holding her. I fantasized about her so many times, wished it was her I was fucking and not the random girl under me. I would never get to be with her, but at least this fucker wouldn’t either.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Alaska

I sat on the couch and watched TV. I didn’t feel like going out or doing anything. Jace was at work so I had nothing to do with anyone. The more I thought about Jace, the more confused I became. Should relationships be this much work? He was the only serious boyfriend I ever had so I didn’t have anything to compare it to. We used to be so happy and in love. Lately, I’ve felt like his desire for me has dwindled. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even want to be around me.

What happened? What went wrong? Maybe I was holding onto the relationship because of what we used to be. I already talked to him and told him my concerns. He said he would be better but he wasn’t. Perhaps I should just end the relationship while we were still friendly with one another. If I waited too long, it could cause more pain and resentment. I didn’t want to hurt Jace. I really care about him.

A knock on my door shattered my thoughts. The knock was light, almost hesitant. Even though I was wearing my lazy clothes, I decided to answer the door anyway. I didn’t care if I looked hideous.

I looked through the peephole and spotted Ash on the other side. What did he want? I felt a sudden surge of joy when I realized he was outside my apartment. Maybe he and I could be friends again, be what we once were. I’d grown fond of him over the months.

I answered the door. “Hey. Car trouble?”

He didn’t laugh. He didn’t smile. He didn’t seem amused at all.

“Okay…is everything alright?”

“No, I’ll make this quick.” He took out his phone then hit the screen a few times. “Is Jace working tonight?” His voice was as cold as ice.

What was going on? “Yeah. Why?”

“I just sent you something. Look at it.”

My heart moved into my throat. “Why?”

“Just do it.” He waited for me to grab my phone.

I pulled it out of my pocket then checked my messages. “You sent me a video?”

“Watch it.”

I suddenly felt scared. “Ash, what’s going on?”

“You’ll see.” His eyes looked lifeless, dull.

This whole situation was making me uneasy.

“For what its worth, I feel like shit.” His eyes looked empty and dead. His lips were pressed tight together, and his body was tense.

My thumb shook before I hit the play button.

There was the counter to the bar and a group of guys were standing by it, but the person in focus was Jace. He was wearing a firefighter t-shirt just like the rest of the guys, and his tattoo was visible. His arm was around the waist of a blonde woman. And he was kissing her…

Ash kept staring at me, keeping his silence.

Jace gripped her back while he held her close to him. Then he moved her against the bar, closing her in. He kissed her passionately, like he was a sailor who’d been on leave for months. He cupped her face while he did it. Then he pulled away, rubbing his nose against hers. She smiled, loving the way he was relishing her. The video went on for minutes, the same thing happening repeatedly. It was clear he didn’t just meet the girl. He’d known her for a while.

I wasn’t sure what hurt more. The fact he was cheating on me, or the fact he never kissed me the way he kissed this girl. He used to be affectionate with me, never keeping his hands off me. But that passion died months ago. Now he was doing it with her, actually looking at her. The game was on in the background but he didn’t look at it once.

I lowered the phone, breathing hard. I couldn’t think. It was so much to take in. He lied to me. He’d been lying to me for a long time. He wasn’t in love with me. He didn’t even respect me. When I asked if we should just call it quits, he said he wanted to work on our relationship. Why would he say that then string me along like this?

Along with the pain was embarrassment. Jace didn’t even try to be discreet about it. All the guys he worked with knew about it. When I called they covered for him, seeing me as the stupid girlfriend Jace didn’t really care about. I thought about the text messages he would get on his phone, always from the same girl.

Sarah.

Was my entire relationship a lie? Did he ever care about me? Did he ever love me? It would have hurt if he left me for another girl, but I would have accepted it and let him walk away. If he wanted to be with her, I wouldn’t have fought for him. But to lie to me…for so long…made me sick. When he was with me, he was with her. Those lips had tasted someone just a day before he tasted me. When we were in his bed, Sarah was in that bed right after me. Maybe even before.

God, this hurt.

While the pain was evident, the numb was stronger. My body couldn’t handle the betrayal, at least not at once. In order to survive, my mind numbed me, protecting me. My entire life had been filled with men who could never speak the truth. They bailed and left me to fend for myself. First it was my father and now it was Jace. He couldn’t just respect me and tell me the truth? That there was someone else? How long was he going to drag this out? Until he got caught?

“Alaska…?” Ash’s voice was gentle. “I didn’t want to show that to you. I hate the look on your face…it kills me.”

I forgot he was there even though I was looking directly at him. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to regain my composure. I already cried in front of Ash and I didn’t want to do it again. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you the first time…”