Notwithstanding the lack of headspace, Gwenn claimed a spot at the edge of the chamber where rafters met floor. She dug Ned’s cloak, the one that had been her father’s, out of her saddlebag, and spread it out on the rough-hewn boards. There were no palliasses here. Carefully placing her bag where she could use it as a pillow, she doused her candle, cocooned herself in her mantle, and set about courting sleep. Would Alan lie beside her, when he came up? She hoped so. The thought had her stomach fluttering. Gwenn did not relish the thought of wakening with a complete stranger beside her, but she would be happy with Alan at her side. More than happy. She wanted Alan beside her, to have him close. She could never love Alan as she had loved Ned, but she desired him, there was no point in pretending otherwise. She wanted him to come and lie beside her. She would like it if he kissed her, she knew she would. Lying on the boards, she tried to imagine him kissing her, and then, abruptly, she stopped herself. What was she doing? He had been very aloof of late. What did he think of her?

The merchant’s wife began to snore. Mice scratched in the rafters. The landlord’s children shuffled and groaned in their sleep. Gwenn lay awake listening to the noises, comfortable noises such as she had heard all her life, and wondered why she was not falling asleep. After she and Alan had finished their meal, she had been yawning over her wine, which was why she had come up. But now...

She wished Alan would hurry. She would feel better when he was here.

She must have drowsed, because when she next opened her eyes, he was squatted on his haunches beside her, the dangling lantern making a silhouette of him. He was looking at her, and she had the impression he had been there for some time. ‘Alan?’ His saddlebag lay some feet away. Gwenn held out a hand and, after a momentary hesitation, he took it. His thumb moved slowly across her knuckles, and she felt the beginnings of a response deep inside her, in the tightening of her stomach muscles. He was close enough for her to smell sweet wine on his breath. ‘Stay close by me, will you, Alan? I’m happier with you near.’

‘How close?’

She could tell from his tone that he was smiling, and her heart rose to hear the old, teasing note was back in his voice. Since Ned’s death, it had been missing. It’s the wine, she thought, the wine has relaxed him. ‘So no one can get between us. Please, Alan, I want you next to me.’

Abruptly, he shook his head and dropped her hand. And then the scales dropped from her eyes and Gwenn understood. Her unhappiness had blinded her to why Alan had been so remote. He had not taken a dislike to her. It was not that. It was not that at all, in fact it was quite the reverse. Alan desired her, and he was trying not to take advantage of her. Something clicked into place inside her, and she became aware of an overwhelming sense of justice, an overwhelming sense of rightness. It felt extraordinarily joyous. Yes. This was meant to be. This would right the wrong in her life. Still uncertain as to whether what she felt for Alan was love or lust, her revelation had her sitting bolt upright, and she cracked her head on the rafters.

‘Jesu, Gwenn, be careful,’ Alan muttered, and he put a hand on her hair and rubbed her smarting skull. His hand lingered, and she wanted it to, for she had been missing human contact, lately.

‘It’s alright, Alan,’ she caught his hand. ‘It’s alright. I understand–’

‘Shut up, will you,’ an irascible voice cut in. ‘Some of us are trying to sleep.’

‘Alan–’

He placed a gentle finger on her lips. ‘Hush, Blanche. I’ll fetch my things.’ He dragged his pack over and prepared for sleep.

She waited till he was stretched out at her side, and timidly touched his shoulder. His fingers covered hers.

‘Go to sleep, Gwenn.’

‘But, Alan... It’s alright. I understand, and I....I don’t mind.’

He rolled over, and their faces were less than a foot apart. ‘Hush. You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s your grief that speaks for you.’

‘That’s not true!’ she mouthed back at him, happier than she had been in months. She loved Ned, and his death was a tragedy, but Waldin had seen they were unsuited. Would Waldin have considered Alan her match? ‘I know you want me. We...we could comfort each other, and I’m perfectly safe, in case you’ve forgotten.’

He was slow to catch her meaning. ‘Safe?’

‘No harm could come of any...union. I can’t have your baby because...because I’m already carrying Ned’s. So you needn’t worry about having to commit yourself to me. I know you would hate that. We could comfort each other. Just a little comfort, Alan. I...I would like that.’

‘Comfort,’ Alan muttered, and then his voice went hard, and she knew that he would refuse her. ‘No, Gwenn. I can’t.’

The need to be held made her bold. ‘Why?’ she demanded, as the tight knot twisted in her belly. ‘Why?’

He smoothed back her hair. ‘Because, sweet Blanche,’ he was gentle again, as though he understood she hurt inside, ‘if we ever make love, it will not be in the common bedchamber of a common inn with a dozen strangers as our witnesses. If we ever make love...’

‘Aye?’ The knot in her belly dissolved. This was not outright rejection. Alan’s head was a dark shape against the lamplit rafters. He shook it, and she imagined him smiling.

‘It will not be like that.’ He sighed deeply, and she felt his breath as a warm caress on her cheek. ‘We must sleep now, Gwenn. We’ve a long ride in the morning. Good night.’

Someone turned down the lamp. Alan settled into his cloak and, rolling onto her back, Gwenn gazed up at the ceiling. Half of her was astounded and shocked that she, a widow of barely a week, had offered herself to Alan le Bret, but the other half knew it felt right. They were lying so close she could feel the heat of his body. It was reassuring. She heard him shift, and angled her head towards him. The lamp flickered, and it was hard to see, but she thought that he was watching her. She closed her eyes, and surreptitiously, shamelessly, edged closer, till her forehead was lightly pressed against his arm. She heard a break in the regular rhythm of his breathing and froze, vowing not to move again in case he pushed her away. After she had been lying still for what seemed like an eternity, she felt a light pressure on her head. She dare not move, and kept her own breathing light and even, in the hope he would think she had fallen asleep.

‘Gwenn?’

She did not respond.

‘Gwenn, I know you’re awake.’

She hardly breathed at all.

‘Gwenn?’

His hand slid down, and he caressed the skin under the neck of her gown. She kept her eyes clamped shut. Alan gave another sigh, and then he rolled slowly towards her and eased her into his arms.

Gwenn decided she could allow herself the smallest sigh of pleasure.

‘Sorceress,’ his voice, amused, murmured in her ear. ‘I knew you were awake.’

‘I didn’t think you’d mind. I...I only wanted to be held. I thought I’d feel better if you held me.’

‘And do you?’

She felt her colour rise and was thankful the lamplight was weak. ‘Aye. You don’t find sin in that?’

‘No. There’s no sin in that.’ He added something under his breath which sounded like, ‘More’s the pity.’

Gwenn wound an arm about Alan’s waist. ‘Good night, Alan, and God bless.’

‘Good night.’

Comforted, Gwenn dropped easily into sleep, but Alan lay awake turning their conversation over in his mind. He had been startled by her reaction when she had realised that he desired her, but not displeased. He kept remembering what she had said, about it being safe. And being pregnant with Ned’s child, she was right. She had said that she did not mind their coupling. Alan’s pride wanted more than that. Alan’s pride demanded that Gwenn should desire him too. It was not clear in his mind whether good women felt desire in quite the same way that bad women did. He saw Gwenn as a good woman, but... His thoughts trailed off, he was not in the mood for philosophising. At least it appeared that Gwenn thought she might be comforted by the act of love...