As soon as the lights shine into the ring, I step out of the bright yellow cartoonlike house, stretch my back like an aching grandfather, and breathe an exaggerated puff of flames from the end of a two-foot cigar. Shocked at the inferno, I lurch back in surprise. Puzzled by the fire, I hurry back into the house. Thrilled at the confusion, the children shriek in delight as the bright orange roof above my head is engulfed in a cloud of smoke.

“Where there’s smoke,” Jimmy James intones, “there’s fire!”

From the back of the tent a siren wails. All eyes turn toward the screaming uproar as a bright red fire cart with sunburst wheels speeds onto the hippodrome track. Pulling the handle in front, riding the ladder in back, even running desperately behind the cart are those well-dressed, well-trained public servants of the pyromaniacal: the Clown Town Volunteer Fire Department. At the sight of this band of Keystone Firemen, the children in the seats start clapping their hands. The band perks up with the sprightly “There’ll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.” Speeding the long way around the track, the clowns arrive in the center ring just as the smoke reaches the top of the tent and an old-lady clown sticks her head out of the roof. The firemen come to a sudden stop, the driver does a somersault over the handle of the cart, while the rider in the rear flops off the ladder and lands facedown in the grass. The drummer crashes his cymbals. The old lady spreads her arms in dismay. Putting out this fire will not be easy, for despite all those pairs of oversized shoes none of the clowns can stay on his feet. Still they rise and approach the house.

Though most of the performers on our show would rather burn to death than admit it, the clowns were probably, as a group, the hardest-working members of the show. A few of the other performers were in half a dozen or more acts. The animal people had round-the-clock responsibilities. But once the middle of every afternoon rolled around, the clowns were required to be in makeup, be in position, and be ready to go on at a moment’s notice in case of emergency in the ring. This meant they had little time off every day between 2 and 10 P.M., little time out of greasepaint every week for nine months, and little time to be anywhere during the entire year other than their private canvas dungeon known affectionately as Clown Alley.

Clown Alley is an anthropologist’s dream. Part tribal ring, part locker room, part fraternity, part day-care center, it was a tent the size of a generous closet that held nine steamer trunks, eight wobbly chairs, twenty-seven juggling clubs, seventeen pairs of clown shoes, hundreds of half-empty containers of makeup, and one recyclable piss jug—an empty baby-powder carton that was loudly and publicly filled every day with the exaggerated hand gestures and juvenile penile thrustings of nine grown-up teenagers turned childlike clowns. In the past, clowns were mostly drawn from the ranks of aging performers who could no longer do their acts or homosexual men who were running from convention and needed a mask behind which to hide. These days, gay men apparently no longer need clowning, and as for older performers, with the long hours, low pay (starting at $180 a week), and lack of respect from the other show members, most would rather tote their children’s rigging or stay home and work at Wal-Mart. That leaves clowning to kids.

When I arrived on the show, the one unifying feature of all the clowns in the Alley was that they were young, ranging in age from nineteen to twenty-four. (Buck, although a clown, stayed mostly in his van and was not considered part of the Alley.) All had graduated from high school and most had wandered from one part-time job to another, from a few months in school to living at home, before finally ending up in Ringling Brothers Clown College. For them, clowning was a hobby, not an art. And when they didn’t receive an offer to join Ringling and came instead to Beatty-Cole, the circus was an adventure, not a career. Their stories, ranging from the bizarre to the macabre, would have made Margaret Mead ecstatic.

There was Joe, the oddest and funniest of the bunch, who wore flip-flops on his feet and a ponytail on his head, who ate his vegetarian meals with chopsticks, drank his generic sodas out of a plastic martini glass, and hoped to translate his wacky character, Arpeggio, into a Las Vegas nightclub act. There was Marty, a.k.a. the Village Idiot, who had the most energy, the loudest mouth, and the largest number of radio-station and iron-man bumper stickers on his costume trunk (the most prominent: YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE STUPID) and who hoped to save enough extra money doing cherry pie to join the cast of Up with People. Finally there was Jerry, alias Ace, a four-foot-seven-inch dwarf whose father had been on the Ringling show and who in the midst of all the oddities, anxieties, and kinky obsessions of his mainstream dropout colleagues was the cleanest, preppiest, and probably the most likely to be able to find and keep a real “townie” job. In a world where close shaving is a job requirement, Arpeggio usually had shaving soap in his ears and a missed tuft or two on his throat; Marty, the Village Idiot, often just plain forgot; but it was Jerry who always had an electric razor and who earned the indelible nickname the Neck Shaving Dwarf by personally taking the responsibility of making sure everyone in the Alley went to work each week with no unsightly stubble on the back of his neck.

Not surprisingly, when I plopped down uninvited in the middle of this group I was the one who was considered odd. Not only had I not been to Clown College (Buck and Jerry hadn’t either), but I had been to regular college, and to graduate school as well. Also, I was a little older, I hung out with the performers (most of the clowns were kept away), and I didn’t pepper every other comment with “Fuck you,” “Suck me,” or “How about a dick in the ass?” As a result, most of the clowns wanted me out. To prove it, they went out of their way to make me feel like an outcast.

First it was my ideas. In the first days of the season we had a series of rehearsals to design the gags. In the beginning I decided that in these rehearsals, as in most situations around the lot, I would keep quiet as a way of fitting in. After lying low for a while, however, I decided that my silence seemed awkward and that I should wade into these brainstorming sessions. How about having the clowns do such and such? I shyly suggested. Never tried. How about having a clown do so and so? Ignored. In one session Marty and Rob, the two Young Turks, were practicing different versions of sliding down a ladder. When they asked for comments I stepped off the ring curb and said, “I hate to say this but it does look better if you do it closer to the house.” The response was an appalled silence. “Fuck you,” Marty blurted. “Go away.”

I slunk back to being silent.

Next it was my makeup. During intermission on opening day, while the clowns were in the center ring signing autographs, Jerry came over and tapped me on the shoulder. I excused myself from the child I was greeting and stepped to the edge of the ring. It must be important, I thought, or he wouldn’t be interrupting our time with the audience. “Don’t you know anything?” he said when we were just out of earshot. “Whiteface clowns are supposed to wear gloves. Also, your makeup is uneven on the back of your neck. You’re a disgrace to the Alley.”

The final insult came when their hazings entered the ring. As clowns we had various responsibilities in the show. We had to pull various carts in spec, do the firehouse gag in the first half, the stomach-pump gag in the second act, and appear in the finale along with the entire cast when Sean got fired out of the cannon. Also, in the first half we had to do what was known as a walk-around, in which the clowns walk around the track performing short gags for several sections while the prop crew readies the next act. In Wilmington, North Carolina, these walk-arounds spawned a change in my attitude. All day the boys had been abnormally quiet, almost conspiratorially so. Then the whispers started. Rob went to Marty, then to Jerry. Jerry went to Brian, who then went back to Marty. A plan was being hatched.